Bullies, at 5 years old

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My youngest started school full time in September, it's a good school, his sisters and brother also attended. He moved there with the same peer group he went to nursery with. On and off through the time he's been there he's been a little upset at home after school. I put it down to just getting into the longer days and a new environment.

Recently he's been more upset, saying a boy as hitting him and pushing him, calling him names. I have mentioned this multiple times to the teachers who said they would look into it, nothing changed.

Last Tuesday I got him to school a little earlier than usual, there is an area at the side of where the entrance is to his class. The kids were running around and playing, Tyler joined in, this boy ran at Tyler and pushed him, Tyler just smiled I thought they were playing. He wasn't hurt and just stood there, the boy did it again and then hit Tyler, he stood there and just kept smiling as the boy ran off into the crowd, the whole thing must have lasted 20 seconds.

The doors had opened and Tyler ran over to me, he told me the boys name and said that is the boy that hits him and pushes him, calls him names all the time. I told the teacher as I took Tyler in, he said he would have a word with the boy. Tyler was fine until Thursday, when I picked him up and we were walking out of the school this boy ran from behind, pushed Tyler, squirted water in his face from a water bottle. Before I could say anything he was gone into the crowd (this school is ridiculous at home time, a narrow alley runs down the side of the school building to access the rear where the foundation classes are).

It seems the school are not much good at controlling this youngster and he's upsetting my boy. I'm losing patience with this but I want to do things the right way. I don't want kids fighting so I can't encourage Tyler to hit back, I want him to keep doing as he always does and telling the teachers when things happen.

I'm going to the head when they go back after the break, I want this to stop. At the moment I'm battling against my oldest son telling my youngest to hit back. Some will no doubt say this is the way to go but I don't want this, I don't want Tyler thinking it's right to fight although on reflection it is defending himself, but he's 5 years old this should not be happening.
 
Try and spot the kid's parents and have a word if you can either by turning up early to drop your son off or pick him up
 
If the school refuses to act then find out where he lives and go around for a talk with his parents, ask them to keep their spawn in check or be prepared to face the consequences.
 
Self-defence is something you should teach your child imo.

I remember punching a bully back, I didn't get bullied by that person again, I also didn't become a street thug.
 
1. Find the parents, talk to them and hope they aren't some low life idiots who don't care what so ever (with violent kids, this is usually the case).
2. Tell your son to kick him in the nut sack if he does anything again.

Even if he is 5 years old, nothing wrong with self defense.
I had multiple bullies while growing up, at one point it got too much and hit one of them in face and broke his nose (around 10 years old) I wasn't touched again. Didn't get in trouble either.

Talking, will never solve the problem, the bully is picking on your son because hes not doing anything about it. It will continue until your son puts it right on his own and shows hes not afraid of him. As a parent you don't want him to do this, but thats the only way he will leave your son alone.
 
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I hope you get it sorted after the break, no child should go through that, especially at such a young age. You're doing exactly what I would do if it was my son, hopefully the system doesn't let you down.

Best of luck, for you both.
 
There's a lad in my sons school (reception) that is a bit of a bully, my son is the youngest in the class which may not seem much but the older lads could be 1/4 of his age older just now.

Anyway with arguments from the wife I told him to kick the bully in the peanuts every time he bullies him. Regardless. We can't all be not winners but not losers with every one happy and mediocre.
 
Get your oldest son to have a word (assuming he's an older child, and not say 20+).

Believe it or not, this would probably be the most effective solution, though could easily get your older kid in trouble.

Go through the right motions. The principal is clearly the next step and he/she will go to the parents.
 
Believe it or not, this would probably be the most effective solution, though could easily get your older kid in trouble.

Go through the right motions. The principal is clearly the next step and he/she will go to the parents.

I agree with this too, If you don't want your older son to talk to the bully, then just go straight to the principal of their year and tell them it needs to stop right away.
 
Try and spot the kid's parents and have a word if you can either by turning up early to drop your son off or pick him up

Pretty sure I know the lads grandfather, he picks the lad up from time to time I try talking to him about it when I see him next.

Get your oldest son to have a word (assuming he's an older child, and not say 20+).

Oldest son being 15 and 6'2" kind of stops that kind of thing.

Self-defence is something you should teach your child imo.

I remember punching a bully back, I didn't get bullied by that person again, I also didn't become a street thug.

Tyler is a big lad, stand about 6" taller than most other kids at that school and he's strong as an ox, I don't want him hitting anyone if I can help it at all, he's got really good nature and I don't want to have him hurt anyone. He play fights with his big brother and regularly brings tears to his eyes. But it's catch 22, if this continues it might make him turn nasty and I don't want that either.
 
Pretty sure I know the lads grandfather, he picks the lad up from time to time I try talking to him about it when I see him next.



Oldest son being 15 and 6'2" kind of stops that kind of thing.



Tyler is a big lad, stand about 6" taller than most other kids at that school and he's strong as an ox, I don't want him hitting anyone if I can help it at all, he's got really good nature and I don't want to have him hurt anyone. He play fights with his big brother and regularly brings tears to his eyes. But it's catch 22, if this continues it might make him turn nasty and I don't want that either.

Wait, your son is bigger and stronger than this other kid? Seriously, have him bloody well stand up for himself. You won't be around to sort every problem for him, that's just as important for him to learn. He's not going to turn into Charles Bronson.
 
I went though this with my youngest lad. It was kind of new to me and I was in the same boat as you in that I didn't want to condone violence but the school were not managing it and were coming out with every excuse under the sun for why this lad behaved the way he did. Frankly I didn't give a **** about the kid unfortunate situation when my lad was coming home with bruises every day. Fortunately the lad also went to football training so I just told my lad to go through him every time he got the ball. That stopped the problem after a few week and could be excused as enthusiastic playing rather than anything that would get him into trouble. Anything like that where you lad can "legally" stick the little scrote on the deck - football other sports etc?
 
tell him to sock him one next time it happens.

Not sure if this is a joke reply but this will be the only true way it'll stop. I learned this the hard way that if you make it so that's it's not worth the bullies time to try something they will stop.

If he fights back it only take the one time and it won't try it again. I was bulled pretty badly by one kid. Then one day he started to throw all sorts of crap at me in the changing rooms, up until that point i kept my cool because i knew he was a messed up kid from a broken home so i kept letting it slide. i lost it completely that day and mess up the kid pretty bad (Never touched the face just hit him in the stomach a few times.

Never spoke or looked in my direction again after that day.

Self-defence is something you should teach your child imo.

I remember punching a bully back, I didn't get bullied by that person again, I also didn't become a street thug.

Interestingly, it was about that time i started Judo :D i was a few months in when i did what i did, it does give you confidence
 
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I thought about saying this to the head when I see her, either it stops or I tell my son to ignore the rules and hit back, if they tell me my son's in trouble I praise him in front of the teacher for doing the right thing and defending himself, tell him it's wrong to hit but if this lad hits him first it's right to hit back.

That is going against me not wanting him to hurt anyone but it might make the head take notice.
 
Tough break bud, I know the whole fighting thing is bad but so is the world that your lad lives in so he has to learn how to handle violent confrontations.

The finding the parents at school is a good option, going to their house is a last resort as it could go wrong, I've had to do it and it went well.

Both my lads started karate at 7 and it did them no end of good giving them great self confidence and experience in being hit, not that scarey as it turns out, also it was good exercise, my kids are really good lads doing well so telling them to hit back did no harm, to them:o
 
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