Bullies, at 5 years old

I used to mess around with other children, i guess i was a bully, up until age 13. But at the time i just thought it was funny and some people would not mind others would get overly worked up over it and think it was personal. This one boy was a bit weird so used to speak to him and he used to get so worked up so quickly and because of this i used to do it more. At the time i never realy thought much of it and didn't think he was that bothered by it. Well one day as i was leaving class, i was 9. His mom came to rough up me and this other guy who was my friend. She picked up the other guy by his hair and started shouting at him to leave her son alone. I never spoke to him again after that and he left school a few years later.

Not sure what the lesson is in this. Maybe i doubt the boy thinks much of it and is probably only doing it because of your sons reaction or lack of reaction. Often i think bully victims take it too personal, that boy probably causes trouble with everyone. If he notices that your son gets with drawn by it and doesn't stand up to him then he will continue doing it more and more, this is just bully psychology 101.
 
Self-defence is something you should teach your child imo.

I remember punching a bully back, I didn't get bullied by that person again, I also didn't become a street thug.

This,

You should to be honest, there are a lot of times in life where it's going to apply. This is just the beginning for your kid.
 
Self-defence is something you should teach your child imo.

I remember punching a bully back, I didn't get bullied by that person again, I also didn't become a street thug.

This IMO.

My parents told me to never go and look for trouble but if someone hit me, I should hit them back as hard as I can.

A few bullies tried it on through my school years and they got a fat lip as a result. Interestingly they never bothered me again afterwards and I was never bullied at school. I was by no means a regular fighter, or in trouble a lot, but I would always give as good as I got. Even the teachers had an air of sympathy if they had to give me a detention for fighting because they knew it was self defence. Essentially bullies are cowards, even 5yr old ones and if their parents have not taught them better, your child may have to. It is not really down to teachers to be parenting children in schools.

I also didn't grow up to be in any kind of trouble or a thug myself by the way :)
 
OP, Teach your son that it is OK to fight back but not to bully. A self defence class as previously mentioned will do wonders for his confidence, will help stop the bullying and will teach him self respect and respect for others.

You seem to possess their sense of entitlement. A mere one break between each one hour lesson, a whopping 2 and a half hour afternoon stretch without a break. Pressure from management. Welcome to most people's working lives. If you scale up weeks worked per year, their 35k pay is more or less the equivalent of 50k, given that most people only get 4 or 5 weeks off, not 19 or whatever it is.

The only drivel is the sense of entitlement when you stick a dozen teachers together and they work themselves up into a militant frenzy about how they're as important as surgeons and senior hospital consultants. The first 3 years might be hard but everyone has to learn their job. After that you can't tell me that an experienced teacher is up till 10pm every night preparing tomorrow's exercises, when they've done that same class dozens of times before.

The reality is that there are excellent teachers who do care, but many more teachers who are too concerned about change or blaming the tories for this, that and the other, when in fact it boils down to the teachers simply not caring enough about their charges. I bet at least half of all children experience bullying and I bet at least 10pc of children have a significant part of their childhood ruined by it. It's teachers who look after these kids and it's teachers who should be held responsible if they can't stop it. Not the tory government, not "the cuts", the teachers themselves.

Why should I need to help out at a school in order to help them sort it out?

What absolute utter nonsense, it is absolutely utter tosh, I will base the below on my girlfriend, her friends and their family.

For starters you have vastly inflated what teachers actually get paid. A teachers pay scale goes along spine points starting at £21,600 and goes to £31,600 in increments along 6 pay points, There is a upper pay scale but to reach this you have to have been teaching for 6 years, meet all of your targets and be classed as an outstanding teacher which is not exactly a walk in the park these days. They only get a pay rise IF they reach certain targets and certain criteria. To reach that criteria they have to put in countless extra hours than you would expect. For instance my gf gets to school at around 7-7:30 each day and rarely leaves before 5pm (her friend who is a CL leaves around 7-8pm every day after getting to work at approximately the same time). She goes in nearly every Saturday to do extra work and teach additional lessons that are required to help those kids that just aren't up to scratch. She will rarely get a lunch hour due to other duties and planning that is required and this is all without all the Marking and planning that needs to be done.

As for the comments about teaching the same stuff day in day out so how can you need to keep planning, well that would be true if you don't care and don't want to be a good teacher you may be able to get away with it, or if the curriculum wasn't constantly being reviewed. Oh the holidays, are these the excessive amounts of holidays teachers get where they actually have to work a fair portion of it? I know that my gf works 3 out of the 6 weeks at summer for summer schools etc, most half terms are spent catching up with paper work and planning as well as running more of those additional classes.

Not only are they doing all of this just to do a part of their job they are attempting to pass on knowledge to the future generation of this country, Control upwards of 15-30 children at any one time, teach them how to behave and ensure they don't do anything stupid. Monitoring 1 child at a time is bad enough, doing it for 15-30 kids is a nightmare especially when doing the above. They then have to do all of the above while being underfunded and understaffed.

Teachers are unsung heroes and deserve a hell of a lot more respect and pay than they actually get.

Id suggest you try and find out the facts before spouting nonsense.
 
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Must remember never to ask OCuk for parenting advice! - His kid is 5 not 10!!

At 5 years of age you have to enforce no hitting otherwise it becomes a problem later on. Yes at 10+ you can advise the "only when they hit you" but at 5 there's plenty of other routes, and you know what kids are like at that age - they find it hard to differentiate.

Do you have kids of your own? Do you have proof it becomes a problem later on?

My daughter is 3, she already knows the difference between right and wrong, she knows when she can and can't resort to hitting back and we have had no issues of her being unable to differentiate. As long as you explain things in a clear way there are no issues.

The only drivel is the sense of entitlement when you stick a dozen teachers together and they work themselves up into a militant frenzy about how they're as important as surgeons and senior hospital consultants.

Are you saying that education is not as important as health care? I think teachers are just as important as surgeons. They play a massive role in children's lives, they educate, they are prepping them for the rest of their lives. Better education = a better society further down the line.
 
Self-defence is something you should teach your child imo.

I remember punching a bully back, I didn't get bullied by that person again, I also didn't become a street thug.

+1, teaching your child to fend for them self's is pretty damn important in my eyes.
 
If the school is not tackling bullying, the you should go to the LEA (local education authority) and discuss with them what to do next. This should get the school to actually do something.
 
Make a written request to the headmaster to sort out the bullying, if that fails report it to the chair of governors, if that fails make formal complaint to the Local Education Authority (LEA) and ask for an investigation to be carried out.

If all else fails, kick the living daylights out of the kids dad.
 
A martial Arts class (something calmer like Tai-Chi or Tang-Soo-Do rather than Maui-Thai kickboxing) would educate and give your kid the confidence to just defend himself from the bully whilst giving him insight into his own body / balance / fine motor control / fitness as well as treating defence as a subject, rather than "just hitting someone".

It would also very likely prevent any bullying tactics from himself as self control / violence is the last resort / running is always the best policy is taught too.
 
Teachers are unsung heroes and deserve a hell of a lot more respect and pay than they actually get.

Id suggest you try and find out the facts before spouting nonsense.

Unsung heroes indeed. They have a louder voice than most other groups of workers and they like to complain. Of course there are good teachers who work hard and teaching is something where a good professional who actually cares about the children can sink plenty of hours into the job. Trouble is, for every good teacher, there'll be four or five average to poor ones. You know, the ones mentioned in this thread who turn the other way when children are getting bullied. Given the fact that about two teachers a year lose their jobs one might almost be tempted to think that they are ALL amazing professionals and that bullying therefore doesn't exist. Except that it does, because there are lots of seat warmers with no passion, safe in the knowledge that their employment rights are hugely overprotected against their underperformance.

Poor teachers outweigh good ones by a huge margin and get away with it. This is why I hate the profession so much. Children are not getting well protected and no one seems to be to blame.

As for them being as important as surgeons? I reckon I'd have a pretty good chance of teaching my children to read, write, add up etc to a pretty good standard. Don't think I'd be able to save hundreds of lives a year on the operating table though. Might want to take another look at that idea.
 
You have witnessed this young boy pushing and hitting your son. You have spoken to their teacher and still it is going on.

Go to the head teacher report everything you have said on here and demand something needs to be done.

This is a clear case of bullying and you are going about this the right way.

I have a 9 year old and last September he was being picked on by a gang. We told him to walk away, we spoke to his teacher we and my son had tried it all. Finally we told him if you are going to get hurt and have tried waking away, you have a right to defend yourself. So he got cornered by 5 boys, one went to kick him. My boy put him down to the floor. Then two others tried, by boy said one went of crying and the others ran away. By son has been taking Taekwondo lessons since he was 5. He has not been picked on since

Would I have told him to defend himself at the age of 5? No I believe at that age you need to sort it out and show him school is a safe and enjoyable environment.
 
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Unsung heroes indeed. They have a louder voice than most other groups of workers and they like to complain. Of course there are good teachers who work hard and teaching is something where a good professional who actually cares about the children can sink plenty of hours into the job. Trouble is, for every good teacher, there'll be four or five average to poor ones. You know, the ones mentioned in this thread who turn the other way when children are getting bullied. Given the fact that about two teachers a year lose their jobs one might almost be tempted to think that they are ALL amazing professionals and that bullying therefore doesn't exist. Except that it does, because there are lots of seat warmers with no passion, safe in the knowledge that their employment rights are hugely overprotected against their underperformance.

Poor teachers outweigh good ones by a huge margin and get away with it. This is why I hate the profession so much. Children are not getting well protected and no one seems to be to blame.

As for them being as important as surgeons? I reckon I'd have a pretty good chance of teaching my children to read, write, add up etc to a pretty good standard. Don't think I'd be able to save hundreds of lives a year on the operating table though. Might want to take another look at that idea.


Wow thats some ratio from poor to good teachers. Have you a link to this information
 
As for them being as important as surgeons? I reckon I'd have a pretty good chance of teaching my children to read, write, add up etc to a pretty good standard. Don't think I'd be able to save hundreds of lives a year on the operating table though. Might want to take another look at that idea.

We're talking about importance to society, not what you are capable of doing or not.
 
My daughter is going through this at the moment at school, shes 9 and very sensitive, quiet, clever and just wants to be friends with everybody.

The BOY who is bullying her is a bit of a jack of all trades thinks hes it, barges her in the coridors, calls her names, tells her that her mum is fat (shes a size 8) says I dont earn any money, tells other pupils to ignore her and what ever psychological torture he wants to put her through at school.

My daughter has gone of her food, crys when she leaves school, crys at home and generally is shot of confidence and doesnt want to go to school.

I feel terrible for her as I was bullied a lot at school, psychically mainly but it mentally killed me.

Had a meeting with school last week so hoping things change if not im thinking about changing schools at the moment as I cant see her like this.

Kids can be cruel sometimes, you need to nip it in the bud asap
 
GD vocab guidelines state that you must poo through his letter box. And then hope for the best!


EDIT : But i hope you get this sorted soon in all honesty kids being bullied at a young age can be the worst thing to go through. I would never wish it on my enemies.
 
I think my son is quite capable of turning on this boy and handing him a lesson in leaving people alone. The reason I have been just trying to do it through the official channels is that he sees the rules at school as solid. He loves school and everything he does there, with him just starting I did no want to give him mixed messages, one rule is ok and not another. I will be taking it up with the head and also explaining to my son that being hit is a reason to stop the other person any way you have to, including hitting back. I just have to underline the fact that hitting is wrong at the same time as reinforcing the only exception to the rule, defending yourself.

He's not a shrinking violet by any stretch of the imagination, I actually thought he would be one to get in trouble for hurting other kids if they argued before he started school. I think it maybe his size that singles him out to this other boy. He's not been physically hurt yet but i know it bothers his feelings and I want to stop things before they go further. I don't want this to damage his experience of school and make him withdrawn or on the other hand turn him into the next bully. I have to strike a balance with him, just enough to protect himself but keep his good nature.

When I have talked to him about hitting back if he gets hit he says he does not want to get into trouble, or lose merits that the kids get. I will just have to try and work my way around this, I will be putting it to the head that I have told him he can defend himself. Also telling her that I expect him not to be in trouble for standing up to a bully who I have reported multiple times with no change in his behavior.
 
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