First time dad

j0s

j0s

j0s

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10 Dec 2004
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637
Location
Lincoln
So I am going to be a dad for the first time in my life, currently he is 24 weeks old.

I was wondering to those that became a first time father, what was your feelings?

Somehow I don't feel connected yet, is this normal? Will it change when he is born?

Maybe in the back of mind is my age, thoughts of am I to old at 41, maybe to much thinking on my part and should let it roll.
 
This is my worry too, I have no paternal instincts and explained to my GF that if we do have a kid I'm genuinely worried I won't bond or even resent it for ruining everything I value about life. To me it makes sense I shouldn't even have one with that attitude as it's not fair and hopefully she goes off the idea..
Congratulations though :)
 
I didn't really feel much connection with either of ours until they got to over a year old or so. Wasn't especially excited throughout pregnancy, and didn't really feel much toward the unborn child (I worried about things like miscarriage or stillbirth, but only really from the perspective of the effect on Mrs Cheesyboy, rather than myself).

Once born, it's just a bit of a drag and a chore, you don't get much back until they start to show some personality at about 6 months.

I really got to like my eldest as he got to around 2+, and think he's absolutely brilliant now (age 5). My youngest is 18 months, and I'm finally starting to really like her too.

41 isn't all that old. I'm 32, and all (bar maybe one) of my 5-year old's school friends' dads are 5+ years older than me. (there are some younger dads in the class, but they're not the boy's friends particularly)
 
I felt as if nothing was under my control while the wife was pregnant, struggled to get my head round the fact everything was going to change and I didn't know what was going to happen. I was over thinking every aspect.

However, after being a dad for 15 months I'm now totally of the opinion that not knowing what's happening, second guessing yourself all the time and generally thinking you're making it up as you go along is how 99% of parents are.

Everyone will give you tips on getting your kid to sleep, teething, how to feed them etc, but at the end of the day no two babies are the same and no ones experience or circumstances will be the same as yours. Just enjoy the time you have together with the little one, play with them when you can and have cuddles. You'll form a bond without even realising it.

All babies cry, it's what they do. Don't take it to heart that it's crying and you don't know what's wrong, it's just what they do sometimes.

Congratulations!
 
Congratulations. My wife is slightly further on and I have to admit that I didn't really feel any kind of bond until I felt the first kick. Then since after that I do feel closer to him already. Quite excited for the due date now (8th June)
 
Man's guide to babies.

It's crying:

1. See if it needs a clean nappy.
2. See if it's too hot/cold.
3. See if it needs something to eat.

This is only really for level 1, once they ding level 2 onward things get more complicated as they get additional skills and abilities.

Honestly babies are insanely easy to look after, I was scared as hell about looking after my daughter a few years ago but it's amazing how quickly you get into the swing of it. Trust your instincts.

Also amazing how quickly you get use to having hands covered in poop too!
 
We're due our second next week! What you're feeling is normal, you haven't really "had" anything to bond with yet. When you are able to start picking his clothes to dress him, feed him, give him things that bring him happiness (even if it's a 50p toy), then you'll bond.

The first few months will be rough, but there is nothing in the world that can compare with the joy you feel when they say Daddy for the first time, or their excitement when you get home from work. My eldest is three now, and even after the crappiest of days a hug from him when I get home and I completely unwind.

On top of everything else though, always try and make time for him in the day. From a very young age, I started reading a book to my son at bedtime. This is Daddy and Son time, Mummy only does it if I'm working late or can't get home in time.
 
OldCoals said:
The second you hold your newborn child for the first time you know what it is all about.
Click to expand...

Not for me, I am now only really connecting with my son now that he is really developing a personality and moving around freely playing etc at 8 months.

It is different with every child and every parent....
 
I'm so glad i'm not alone with bonding, I thought it was just me. I was happy when we found out it was a boy.

Also thanks for the congratulations.
 
It's the most difficult job in the world, but probably the most rewarding. My boys are nearly 3 and 6 months old. The first one has been a handful since birth, really questioned whether I wanted to have any more after him... The second one has been the most amazing child though it's still early days.

I'm not paternal, and I have a very short fuse, but chances are you'll be besotted with the little blighters and want to spend the whole time with them.
 
I think most blokes want a boy, but those first few minutes after they are born you don't really care, you just check for the right amount of fingers and toes. :D
 
OldCoals said:
I think most blokes want a boy, but those first few minutes after they are born you don't really care, you just check for the right amount of fingers and toes. :D
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That's because secretly (or otherwise) all Dads want to play with toy cars and Lego again. The first toy my son picks up is Lego, I have trained him well :cool:
 
ci_newman said:
That's because secretly (or otherwise) all Dads want to play with toy cars and Lego again. The first toy my son picks up is Lego, I have trained him well :cool:
Click to expand...

Pretty sure it's more being aware of the teenage boys their daughter will eventually encounter :p
 
ci_newman said:
That's because secretly (or otherwise) all Dads want to play with toy cars and Lego again. The first toy my son picks up is Lego, I have trained him well :cool:
Click to expand...

For me it was about not wanting the emotional bull**** which comes with another woman in the house, instead he can come and help me with the DIY :p
 
First time, I had a slight preference for a girl. And after having a boy first-up, second time I quite fancied another. And got a girl.

I didn't feel especially strongly either way, though. Fortunate, really, since I backed the wrong horse both times :)
 
I was 41 when my son was born (he's 3 now and we have another on the way) and the age thing bothered me a bit but if I'm honest, he makes me feel a lot younger :)

It wasn't easy connecting with him as a baby mainly because he didn't do anything, sleep-eat-cry-poop. Like Jez said though, once his personality started to come through and he could move around, my feelings changed and now he's 3 it's flipping brilliant. He wakes up like a fully wound up toy every morning, just full of energy and smiles and mischief- definitely don't feel like I'm in my Forties having to keep up with him.

Congratulations and just don't over analyze it, these things come, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly- we're all different but we all get there eventually. Enjoy your Parenthood!
 
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