May 25th.. the day my whole world crumbled

shatpank81

shatpank81

shatpank81

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Tipton
hi
not come for sympathy or even advice, but i just want to put this into words and it not being by family etc
yesterday lunch time, and completely out of the blue, my wife says she wants a Divorce!!!

no hints or clues over the past months etc, she just said she as been very unhappy since xmas and no longer wants to be with me..
i can understand if she is not happy but she doesnt even want to make it work, she says she as only been "talking" to someone else who is in a similar situation (we all know what that means)

things are amicable because we have a 2 year old Daughter, and i want to keep it that way and the wife, ex wife whatever i shall call her now wants the same, no legal battles or squabbles..
well i have nothing so if she wants half of nothing she can have it.

we have decided to stay in our house until we can sell it, but the thing that hurts the most is everytime i see my daughter i just break down, knowing full well no matter how much i see her, she wont be there when i come home from work, at nights if she is upset she may call out for me and i will not be there..

my wife, says i do not have to be a weekend dad and i can see my Daughter as much or as little as i want.

i know i have not really said a lot nor have i really asked for any advice, but i am not on Facebook etc and apart from a few family members who lets says their opinion is slanted heavily to my side on this, rightly or wrongly.

but i know i am not the only one in this position, and if so guys..
does it get easier?
i fear i will lose my relationship with my daughter and that potential "2nd daddy" will takeover?
 
  • Out of the Blue
  • Doesn't want to work it out
  • "Talking to someone else"

Yeah, she is either already having an affair or has someone else lined up for when you split

Sorry if that's a sharp shock to you but the signs are there.
 
robgmun said:
  • Out of the Blue
  • Doesn't want to work it out
  • "Talking to someone else"

Yeah, she is either already having an affair or has someone else lined up for when you split

Sorry if that's a sharp shock to you but the signs are there.
Click to expand...

i know that, i clocked that straight away.
 
shatpank81 said:
i know that, i clocked that straight away.
Click to expand...

Any idea who it could be? It's possible that your wife was seduced away by some bloke with promises of a better life. Maybe you can gather some mates and tell him to back off. Didn't you realise something was up before she said anything?
 
Did you not sense this coming at all, I find this pretty weird, maybe if you were a Jeremy Kyle contestant then not so, however it's so out of the blue as you say, where is the maturity, loyalty, signs of breakdown, respect, love, commitment, struggles. Ok some of these things may have disappeared but they would take time too. But where is the big bust up, the communication, sounds all so like a teen relationship?
 
robgmun said:
Any idea who it could be? It's possible that your wife was seduced away by some bloke with promises of a better life. Maybe you can gather some mates and tell him to back off. Didn't you realise something was up before she said anything?
Click to expand...

How is that going to help ? She will come home resentful waiting for the next Prince Charming
 
Seems she's a ''grass is greener'' type of woman (Which ones aren't heh) I wouldn't even be amicable with her tbh. Its patently obvious she's either A) Met and had sex with someone else or B) She has her eyes on another guy she thinks is oh so perfect for her. Unfortunately she holds all the power and she knows this, she knows she can get rid of you and you'll still be around for the rest of her life due to your child, when whatever is happening with her and this other guy falls to pieces you bet your ass she'll use you as an emotional punch bag.
 
CosmicClown said:
when whatever is happening with her and this other guy falls to pieces you bet your ass she'll use you as an emotional punch bag.
Click to expand...

100% on this, the other guy won't last, she'll be knocking on your door begging to come back, that's when you need to be at your strongest.
 
There's no such thing as an 'Amicable' Divorce, doesn't matter if you have 'Nothing' now... It's later on it'll bite you.

I'd be as ****ing ruthless as possible with her, go see a Solicitor now! I can guarantee she's already been to see one. Make sure you get access to your kid LEGALLY recognised. You might think she's not going to screw you over, but once her Solicitors and 'Friends' get involved it'll be a completely different story.
 
Been through it and it's not easy but it does get easier overtime.

I coped with getting on the with practical sides of the separation like organising a Clean Break Agreement, making sure I wasn't going to lose the house. Yes, she was having an affair with a colleague from work, I had no idea.

You are feeling wounded now but don't kick off whatever you do, it will cost you in terms of funds and possible contact with your daughter play along for now. Try to keep solicitors out of it as it will get messy
 
I wouldn't focus too much on the "what if" and "why did she" in all of this, painful as her actions have been she's made her choice and ultimately yours too. That said she has been more than reasonable in access to your daughter, which is more than a lot of ex-wives/girfriends of OcUK posters have done.

Get your living situation sorted, get a nice room setup for your daughter for when she stays, pick yourself up and get back on the horse.
 
too much time on xbox in siggy ?, it can happen, and have known it happen to someone I know. Women generally don't like gamers :(
 
That sucks .. but if she has only been "unhappy" for just 5 months and is wanting to divorce, she doesn't deserve the time of day anyway. Sod her.

I've no experience with daughters, only 25, but my dad left us when we were just kids (I think I was 4 or so). We had a step dad by the age of 7 maybe, but it was never a case of a "2nd daddy". I only saw my dad once every 3 weeks and whilst it would have been great to see him more, growing up, I don't think its had much of an effect on anything. Heck, all the time I've had with my dad has been great. I think we've only actually had 2 real arguments over 20 years!

You say that it's all "amicable" now but there is the chance it could get nasty so you're going to want to get stuff sorted correctly in terms of how your going to see your daughter.

Why couldn't you have her 2 days a week and weekends?
 
I'm sorry to hear about this. :(

The only bit I can comment on is the last part about your child. You share a special bond with them that no stepfather will be able to replicate, no matter how hard they might try.

As long as you stick around for your kid and are a good father, you have nothing to worry about in that respect.

The only thing you might have to look out for is your wife/ex wife poisoning your child against you, but I doubt they would do that given the circumstances you have described.
 
shatpank81 said:
hi
not come for sympathy or even advice, but i just want to put this into words and it not being by family etc
yesterday lunch time, and completely out of the blue, my wife says she wants a Divorce!!!

no hints or clues over the past months etc, she just said she as been very unhappy since xmas and no longer wants to be with me..
i can understand if she is not happy but she doesnt even want to make it work, she says she as only been "talking" to someone else who is in a similar situation (we all know what that means)

things are amicable because we have a 2 year old Daughter, and i want to keep it that way and the wife, ex wife whatever i shall call her now wants the same, no legal battles or squabbles..
well i have nothing so if she wants half of nothing she can have it.

we have decided to stay in our house until we can sell it, but the thing that hurts the most is everytime i see my daughter i just break down, knowing full well no matter how much i see her, she wont be there when i come home from work, at nights if she is upset she may call out for me and i will not be there..

my wife, says i do not have to be a weekend dad and i can see my Daughter as much or as little as i want.

i know i have not really said a lot nor have i really asked for any advice, but i am not on Facebook etc and apart from a few family members who lets says their opinion is slanted heavily to my side on this, rightly or wrongly.

but i know i am not the only one in this position, and if so guys..
does it get easier?
i fear i will lose my relationship with my daughter and that potential "2nd daddy" will takeover?
Click to expand...
Dont get angry try goign for a clean break, you'll have time to act it out later, at this moment you really need to think about staying calm. as you said you have a home, and may need to sell it, you don't want to do anything to annoy the female otherwise it can turn nasty.

The best way is to accept it, and tell her you accept it and start making financial arrangements with the assets.

You need to get this over as fast as you can, don't give her time to thing or allow her friends to give her ideas, just get the papers sign asap, ( I've witnessed what ideas friends say and seen it all change from her seeking fairness to her seeking everything,) the quicker you do, the more money you save and the less stress for all.
 
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shatpank81 said:
hi
not come for sympathy or even advice, but i just want to put this into words and it not being by family etc
yesterday lunch time, and completely out of the blue, my wife says she wants a Divorce!!!

no hints or clues over the past months etc, she just said she as been very unhappy since xmas and no longer wants to be with me..
i can understand if she is not happy but she doesnt even want to make it work, she says she as only been "talking" to someone else who is in a similar situation (we all know what that means)

things are amicable because we have a 2 year old Daughter, and i want to keep it that way and the wife, ex wife whatever i shall call her now wants the same, no legal battles or squabbles..
well i have nothing so if she wants half of nothing she can have it.

we have decided to stay in our house until we can sell it, but the thing that hurts the most is everytime i see my daughter i just break down, knowing full well no matter how much i see her, she wont be there when i come home from work, at nights if she is upset she may call out for me and i will not be there..

my wife, says i do not have to be a weekend dad and i can see my Daughter as much or as little as i want.

i know i have not really said a lot nor have i really asked for any advice, but i am not on Facebook etc and apart from a few family members who lets says their opinion is slanted heavily to my side on this, rightly or wrongly.

but i know i am not the only one in this position, and if so guys..
does it get easier?
i fear i will lose my relationship with my daughter and that potential "2nd daddy" will takeover?
Click to expand...



fight and get custody?
 
Everything through the blood sucking lawyers. Now is not the time to be soft.

However, in the UK, men are discriminated against as part of the settlement.

As others have said - everything legally stated as part of the settlement, that includes unlimited access to your child.

You need to know the value of the estate - including money and ensure that she doesn't spend it.. before you get to the legal bit..
 
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