Friend being unreasonable... or me?

Phonesis

Phonesis

Phonesis

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UK
Just had a horrible argument with a close mate of mine. I'm 99% sure I'm in the right but need some perspective!

Weeks ago I invited him to an event I'm going to for my Birthday. He said he was up for it. It's on a week day so I asked him if he was able to get time off and he said it should be ok. I assumed he'd book the day off in advance and let me know if he couldn't get it off. Heard nothing so got the invites for us arranged, tickets, etc.

Reminded him today and he told me he'd forgotten to check if he could get time off. He tried to and request was rejected. He isn't prepared to throw a sicky either.

So... I told him I was disappointed and that he'd had weeks to book it off. I just wanted an apology. Instead, he flipped it and told me I was being patronising and treating him like a child... crazy right?

I told him I simply wished he'd found out he couldn't get the time off earlier, as in weeks back. That way, I could invite someone else! It's too short notice for most people now. So I'll probably go by myself or not at all.

So, I'm not being unreasonable am I? He is though surely? He just needed to accept he'd screwed up and let me down. I'd be happy with that!
 
If he was a decent mate you'd not need to ask for an apology. That said, if you were a decent mate you'd probably not be asking for one.
 
''I assumed he'd book the day off in advance and let me know if he couldn't get it off. Heard nothing so got the invites for us arranged, tickets, etc.''

There is your problem...YOU made an assumption he could deffo 100% go and went ahead and booked tickets when you hadn't heard anything back?
 
Did you not want to remind him before you booked? Something along the lines of:

"Hey mate, I'm about to book those tickes for YOU KNOW THAT AWESOME THING, are you all sorted with time off work to go?"
 
I see where you're coming from but I definitely wouldn't have booked until he had given confirmation that he was able to attend.
Either way I'd definitely go and on the off chance send an invite to mates, you never know someone could pull a last minute thing and be able to attend.
 
Luke said:
If he was a decent mate you'd not need to ask for an apology. That said, if you were a decent mate you'd probably not be asking for one.
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I wasn't really fishing for it. All I said was that it was disappointing! Am just amazed by his reaction to that really.

I probably should have double checked earlier though, for sure. But did ask him weeks ago so ball was in his court really. I dunno.
 
CosmicClown said:
''I assumed he'd book the day off in advance and let me know if he couldn't get it off. Heard nothing so got the invites for us arranged, tickets, etc.''

There is your problem...YOU made an assumption he could deffo 100% go and went ahead and booked tickets when you hadn't heard anything back?
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^ This.
 
Phonesis said:
Reminded him today and he told me he'd forgotten to check if he could get time off. He tried to and request was rejected. He isn't prepared to throw a sicky either.
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It wouldn't look very good if he tried to book a day off that was rejected and then threw a sickie on that day.

If it was me I would have been full of apologies if i forgot and a mate would then have to go alone. I'd probably offer to pay for the ticket as well so they're not out of pocket if they couldn't find someone else.
 
I had a VERY similar scenario with a former friend. He was arranging his stag do, and I simply said to see if I could fly out from manchester. Next thing I knew I was booked into a holiday god knows where or when, so I text him back saying that he shouldn't have booked it and I need to wait till I get back in to work to see if I can have the time off.

Well he went off on a mardy rant; and we not spoken since... that was over a year ago, 20 years of friendship down as he cba to call me to spend 5 mins to call and ask me; or understand that I was off work for over a week, so I couldn't confirm IF I could take the time off or not. well NM...
 
Dave M said:
He didn't ask for the time off, he just doesn't want to go.

What is this event anyway?
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Probably the cold hard truth! It's a case of priorities and I don't think he made any effort to check when I first asked him. It's rather telling perhaps.

A cricket game. Got some sort of VIP access. Work hospitality thing. It's not actually about the tickets etc as they were free. I would have worked harder to get his confirmation if I was throwing money down.

More about his reaction to my disappointment! Can't fathom where it came from.
 
CosmicClown said:
''I assumed he'd book the day off in advance and let me know if he couldn't get it off. Heard nothing so got the invites for us arranged, tickets, etc.''

There is your problem...YOU made an assumption he could deffo 100% go and went ahead and booked tickets when you hadn't heard anything back?
Click to expand...

This. Poo in your own letterbox.
 
Haha case closed!

I'm not looking to hold a grudge with him, and will go even if it's by myself. It's just about him telling me my disappointment was patronising.

I think he read into it too much, like he thought it was me saying I was disappointed in him as a person or something!

On a side note, I had reminded him about it about a week back too. So had raised it with him twice.

Drama!
 
Your mate should manned up and told you honestly he didn't want to do cricket for your birthday.

He can sleep at work ;)
 
I think you're both to blame a little bit. Him for forgetting/not wanting to go and you for jumping the gun and just assuming he would be able to.
 
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