I need advice, Job Centre has just stuffed me...

I don't understand how you are going to provide for your kids by going back into education?

Try a couple of smaller hour jobs to make more money and keep things from becoming monotonous.
 
scorchisio said:
i hate to be brutal here but your not fit to be looking after your kids! it sounds like your struggling to even look after yourself never mind any dependents. I think it would be a terrible decision for the kids to end up with their depressed and sometimes suicidal father. You need to let the correct channels know about your mind state.

I hope things improve and you get better one day.
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I'm sorry to say this is absolutely right.

At the moment it doesn't sound like you would be doing your children any favours by bringing them into this situation. I have no idea what the alternative is with their mother, if it's worse then that is very unfortunate. You need to write yourself a checklist of achievable goals over the next year and channel all your energy into getting yourself into a better position where looking after them might be feasible. Go and speak with your GP, explore counselling and CBT, it's all there for a reason and it sounds like you really need it right now.
 
Speaking as someone who doesn't really know about your situation and is just going based on what you've typed, my advice would be to try sever all ties with the state/all benefits agencies and to find a job with more hours.

You seem fixated on going back into education because you think it will be an achievement and will validate your life somehow, but honestly it's more of an achievement to hold down a job and provide for your kids. That's all you can ask of anyway. And if you're going back to college to impress other people, you are wasting your time.

If I was you I would be doing everything I could to find 35 hours a week and then a year down the line I might start thinking about doing a degree with the OU or something like that. I know finding a full time job is easier said than done in this day and age, but if you can find one it will give you financial security and will take your mind off other troubles. Being at home alone a lot can't be good for depression.

Anyway, good luck mate. I hope it works out well.

Edit: And I would respectfully disagree with others who have advised you to tell the relevant agencies about suicidal thoughts etc. I'm just guessing here, but that could likely be used as ammo in any future custody battle. Having depression absolutely doesn't make you an unfit father because you obviously care about your kids a lot.
 
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hi, vidar
don't take this situation all on your own shoulders get in touch with local citizens advice and get help with appealing you have a legal right to do this.

rules have changed there is what's called a mandatory reconsideration first then, the appeal process will start after this you will get assessment rate till appeal is heard tell your doctor whats going on. you will need notes from docs.

this will give you valuable breathing space i have been where you are and been ****ed over by atos in the past, as my local advice workers says don't panic hard to do i know but get some professional advice it will really help.

good luck.
 
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billysielu said:
jobs exist, find one and do it
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...to hell with your stupidity
 
JSA and benefits! :( B`stards they are I tell you, walked years ago f'em horrible lot. :mad:

Get advise mate that's the best you can do, goto citizens advice and see what they say.
But don't worry its only money, I know it sounds crazy but you got your health and children to look after. :)

The money situation will sort itself out in the end. I been at the bottom a few times financially and it always works out in the end! ;)

Kids and health, then worry about money and things! :cool:
 
Vidar said:
I understand that I was lucky to be able to claim a benefit and work just enough so that I wasn't under a ton of pressure.
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I had a base income that was supplemented by what I earned and had the freedom to both look after my kids and study in September.
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Yes, that does sound very lucky.

JSA is going to get in my way, you can study up until 16hrs a week but if you don't go for jobs you get sanctioned
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That is the nature of JSA.

Even doing my 13 hours can get to be too much sometimes
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Do you believe you'll ever be able to work "normal" hours? When was the last time you worked full time?

the only time I'm not getting that way is when I'm learning something new which is why I'm desperate to return to education.
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If you're barely working currently, plenty of time you could be spending learning something new? Doesn't have to be in a formal setting.
 
haz_pro said:
How old are the kids? If you find work monotonous then I think you'll be surprised looking after kids full time just how dull it is!
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:confused: You can kind of interact with them and do stuff you know and if that doesn't appeal then you shouldn't be looking after them and arguably why the hell did you have them?!?
 
You mean I could learn something like pottery or teach myself something like Joomla or Dreamweaver... that's all very well and good but does nothing about improving my situation which is directly linked to my mental health issues. I need to do achieve something in life like getting a qualification I can really be proud of. Ever since school, everything I've ever tried to do for one reason or another I've failed at, more often than not due to circumstances outside of my control. The RAF, got a foot injury, college after school they taught the qualification wrong and we all only got a pass and stupidly didn't appeal it on the colleges advice and so on and son on. You could call it a terrible run of bad luck but there's only so many times you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going without getting depressed.

The past 7 months have been the best I can remember where I genuinely haven't hated myself and could see myself actually having a good future.

My kids are 6 and 4 and before the nightmare I went through of breaking up with the BPD ex I was a stay at home Dad for them, Oddly enough looking after my kids was something I was able to take great pride in.
 
Xordium said:
:confused: You can kind of interact with them and do stuff you know and if that doesn't appeal then you shouldn't be looking after them and arguably why the hell did you have them?!?
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There is only so much you can do with children, especially if he's not going to be bringing in a lot of money.

Also, I wouldn't have had kids if my only option was to be house husband, but I'm not.

Any way, being patronising like that I can see why you'd be content looking after kids all day, you probably have a similar mental capacity.
 
I had a works accident accident few years ago, I couldn't walk more then a few metres without being in terrible pain in my legs and back. I had to use those free wheelchair and scooter hires when about town etc just to get out the house after being off work for 6 months.

After 4 months of being on ESA, I had a "review" and I was deemed fit to work. What work I could do without being able to walk is obviously very limited, and I had zero qualifications regarding office jobs (all my qualifications are for engineering).

So then I was put onto JSA and was requested to go every week etc etc.

Due to insurance payments, my "income" was relatively high which enabled me to pay the bills and little else.

Due to this, I requested the JSA help with jobs that pay an equivalent to my current "income" as any less would effectively put me and my family worse off. They consequently said that they could not help me, and if I didn't lower my needs to a respectable level I.e minimum wage, that I would lose JSA all together.

The system is ridiculous. I hope it works out better for you!
 
haz_pro said:
There is only so much you can do with children, especially if he's not going to be bringing in a lot of money.

Also, I wouldn't have had kids if my only option was to be house husband, but I'm not.

Any way, being patronising like that I can see why you'd be content looking after kids all day, you probably have a similar mental capacity.
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Actually mate I was a stay at home Dad because it's what most benefited my then family and it costs nothing to take your kids to the park, kick about with a ball or spend time colouring in. And when I do have them now (Prior to boxing day, the last time I saw them cause of the ex) I always put their needs ahead of my own and love making memories like reading them bed time stories and helping my lad practice his writing and numbers and stuff or teaching them how to do rolly polly's down grass hills and hear them giggling away.. You don't need a lot of money to be great parent!

And as far as my mental capacity goes, yes I have a serious mental health condition but that doesn't make me me any less intelligent than anyone else, its hardly learning difficulties. Are you the type of person who looks down your nose at people with learning difficulties?
 
Vidar said:
Actually mate I was a stay at home Dad because it's what most benefited my then family and it costs nothing to take your kids to the park, kick about with a ball or spend time colouring in. And when I do have them now (Prior to boxing day, the last time I saw them cause of the ex) I always put their needs ahead of my own and love making memories like reading them bed time stories and helping my lad practice his writing and numbers and stuff or teaching them how to do rolly polly's down grass hills and hear them giggling away.. You don't need a lot of money to be great parent!

And as far as my mental capacity goes, yes I have a serious mental health condition but that doesn't make me me any less intelligent than anyone else, its hardly learning difficulties. Are you the type of person who looks down your nose at people with learning difficulties?
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That reply wasn't to you. (Have a look at who I quoted).

No money isn't needed to be a good parent, that's not what I was saying at all. And no, I don't look down at people with legitimate learning difficulties.
 
Vidar, just ignore him. He's being a complete Wazzock and obviously has no grasp of what depression is.
 
mrbell1984 said:
Job centre stuffing a lot of people lately, I know a few people that has had their money sanctioned because of this and that. Government doing this on purpose to save giving more out.
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Its probably only going to get worse - this government's attitude is all about supporting people who make an effort to better themselves and creating the opportunities for them to do that and want to deny/won't acknowledge the existence of the fact that some people don't match up well with "normal" and/or slip through the cracks due to other circumstances. Those voting to "punish" the lib dems have quite likely screwed things over badly for the more vulnerable in society.
 
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