A friend, religion, and what to do?

[Freefaller]

Maybe he's had a calling. Maybe he's had a rough time. Maybe he read something that appeals to him. Maybe he needed support and it offered him some that nothing else comes close to? Maybe it's for a million other reasons. Does it matter why he's turned to religion?

 

[Amraam]

Why? Nobodies business but his!

I don't mean in a nebby way, and certainly in no means to stop him. Like if I were relgious and suddenly change to atheist, my friend would be curious as to why. What's to say it's not a call for help? Or has something big happened that he feels he can't speak to anyone about?

Besides, I said it's what I would do, not what I think he should do.

 

[ICDP]

So then why preach Atheism but then go and get your kid christened in CofE church... Doesn't make sense.

Same with people who call religion all the time like "sky pixies" yet still go and get married in a church.

I am an Atheist, my wife is Christian. I agreed to get married in a Christian Church and even let my son get Christened because it was important to her. As an Atheist a Church is just a building for me, it carries zero spiritual significance for me whatsoever. Your friend had no problems getting married in a Church, because as an Atheist it had no significance other than being a nice building to get married in.

When an Atheist goes into a place of worship, they don't feel God's presence. They think, nice building.

 

[dirtychinchilla]

Ohhh lol.... its got nothing to do with you... get on with your own life

The mind boggles how you thought this was thread worthy

I think you are imho showing a lack of respect of the views of your "friend".

Sorry mate, you're a **** friend if you think that it's alright for everyone just to go ahead with everything because "its [sic] got nothing to do with you." You'd definitely interfere if you thought he was buying a bad car, wrong PC, should dump his odious girlfriend etc. This is no bloody different.

You absolutely do not have to respect his religious views; you make a choice, it's open to discussion and criticism.

 

[Hitman_Leon]

Unless he starts talking about,

Choirboys, being picked up by aliens before the world ends so which trainers should he wear, blowing himself up for virgins, attacking abortion clinics, Tom Cruise and other assorted nonsense, leave him alone and forghedaboudit!

 

[This Side Up]

Genuine question here, so I'd prefer less of the daft GD replies than usual please.

I've a good friend, who has recently 'discovered' religion it seems. He's started doing the regular Church attending thing, and going to Church groups, and I was at his place for the first time recently, and saw a Bible laying about - so it does seem to be genuine.

Only problem is, I'm pretty strongly Atheist - and have little or no time for organised religion. I don't seek to actively 'bash' religion, I just think it's all a lie contrived to keep the powerful, powerful and the poor/weak in their place.

Luckily, he's the kind of guy who wouldn't push his views on me, so it's unlikely to come to any kind of direct conflict - at least as far as things are at the moment, but that could change depending on if or how he changes. (Will leave that one for the time being)

Trouble is, with me feeling strongly against religion, I'm feeling like I should try and get him out of this situation - but is that being selfish? I have a feeling that maybe in a few years, or 5, or 10, whatever... he may turn round and say "why didn't you tell me it was all BS?" - then I'd feel terrible for not having spoken up before.

Is that just me being selfish though? Am I best off just leaving him to it, as it's his own life and choices?

(Borderline SC topic I know, but SC is too quiet these days)

His life, his decision. If it makes him happy, who are you to complain? I think you are being a little bit selfish here, buddy. You are basically trying to change him because he does not conform with your opinions.

The best you can do is be there as a friend.

IF he does change and start to try to force his views on you, then you need to talk things over with him and maybe even re-evaluate your friendship.

You may think that you're helping him by trying to "talk him out" of it, but really, you're not.

If he's happy, leave him be.

 

[godinman]

Just trying to spot the difference between a 'devout' atheist and someone with a faith, both devoutly believe in something that they can't prove!

 

[Scort]

Trouble is, with me feeling strongly against religion, I'm feeling like I should try and get him out of this situation - but is that being selfish?

Its funny, as I expect this is exactly the statement your friend makes about you, when describing saving you from not believing.

Religious people and atheists are on the same pages imo, only real position is agnostic but I guess that's a bit OT.

I say leave him be, stop trying to impress your beliefs on him, and respect his.

 

[phonemonkey]

I don't mean in a nebby way, and certainly in no means to stop him. Like if I were relgious and suddenly change to atheist, my friend would be curious as to why. What's to say it's not a call for help? Or has something big happened that he feels he can't speak to anyone about?

Besides, I said it's what I would do, not what I think he should do.

I agree. It's about the sudden change, not that he's become religious. I certainly wouldn't force him but have a low key chat reaffirming that I'm here if he want to talk. I'd be positive but honest and express that I was surprised but supportive of this new interest.

 

[Surfer]

Sorry mate, you're a **** friend if you think that it's alright for everyone just to go ahead with everything because "its [sic] got nothing to do with you." You'd definitely interfere if you thought he was buying a bad car, wrong PC, should dump his odious girlfriend etc. This is no bloody different.

You absolutely do not have to respect his religious views; you make a choice, it's open to discussion and criticism.

you'd interfere in a mate's relationship? Advising him to dump the GF? Hrmm ok - i personally wouldnt.

Anyway I mustve missed the bit where i said

if you think that it's alright for everyone just to go ahead with everything

/checks my post

oh wait i didnt! Theres a shocker! Go stuff your straw man with a better argument

If the OP said his mate was doing hard core drugs, was into satanism (the full kit and caboodle), joining ISIS or other dodgy illegal shady stuff...then **** yeah intervene... Otherwise respect HIS life choices. If you don't then as others have said ...you ain't much of a friend.

But i know where your coming from...theres a line here and going to CoE every weekend aint over the line. A bit of common sense is all that is needed.

 

[Terminal_Boy]

Smash his mum's pasty and tell him that Jesus told you to do it.

Expect furious religious debate to follow. And possibly a fight.

 

[mattyfez]

It's a tricky one, I have a few religious friends, but we both know our opinions, so religion is never a conversation topic, live and let live I guess, but my religious friends know if they ever even has the audacity to start spouting that nonsense in my company, in the absolute best case scenario would end up with an amicable end of the friendship.

 

[dirtychinchilla]

you'd interfere in a mate's relationship? Advising him to dump the GF? Hrmm ok - i personally wouldnt.

Anyway I mustve missed the bit where i said

if you think that it's alright for everyone just to go ahead with everything

/checks my post

oh wait i didnt! Theres a shocker! Go stuff your straw man with a better argument

If the OP said his mate was doing hard core drugs, was into satanism (the full kit and caboodle), joining ISIS or other dodgy illegal shady stuff...then **** yeah intervene... Otherwise respect HIS life choices. If you don't then as others have said ...you ain't much of a friend.

But i know where your coming from...theres a line here and going to CoE every weekend aint over the line. A bit of common sense is all that is needed.

Well the latter half of that is truish, so I won't argue with you there. But, are you really telling me that you've never told a mate to break up with his girlfriend etc?!

 

[ICDP]

Just trying to spot the difference between a 'devout' atheist and someone with a faith, both devoutly believe in something that they can't prove!

This is one of the main misconceptions religious people have about Atheists. I no more 'devoutly' believe in the non-existence of God, than you would 'devoutly' believe in the non-existence of the tooth fairy, leprechauns, or the ancient Greek God Zeus. The very definition of faith is believing something without proof or evidence and religion thrives on faith. Faith is the cornerstone of religion, without faith it becomes impossible to believe. Atheists don't, or can't accept the tenuous and intangible proof of God's existence purely on faith and as such live life without belief in God(s).

If you believe Atheism requires 'devoutness' you are clearly unable to grasp the concept of Atheism. To get an idea of how an Atheist thinks, ask yourself "why do I not believe that Zeus exists"? Now replace the word Zeus with God and you have an idea of how Atheists thinks when asked, "why don't you believe in God".

See, no devout beliefs required and absolutely no fighting against faith. It just feels illogical to believe in something so spurious.

 

[Hitman_Leon]

Well the latter half of that is truish, so I won't argue with you there. But, are you really telling me that you've never told a mate to break up with his girlfriend etc?!

You could explore context in that statement, if the girlfriend was doing something bad or being a lousy influence then the context would dictate a "dude get rid of her if you can't change her because she's not right". Same for the religion, if it was making him act strange and say odd things you could say something about him getting out of it.

If he's just the same guy but has religion in his life there is no point in asking him to give it up.

 

[Surfer]

Well the latter half of that is truish, so I won't argue with you there. But, are you really telling me that you've never told a mate to break up with his girlfriend etc?!

Thats a tough one.... if i saw she was really bad for him then maybe. But i'd try to be diplomatic about it. Thinking on my own experience a friend of mine did constantly warn me about my ex (shes a nutter m8 end of!) and i refused to see it. So yeah you're right there :thumbs up:

 

[fatiain]

It's a tricky one, I have a few religious friends, but we both know our opinions, so religion is never a conversation topic, live and let live I guess, but my religious friends know if they ever even has the audacity to start spouting that nonsense in my company, in the absolute best case scenario would end up with an amicable end of the friendship.

This.

I have some very religious friends and I'm an atheist. My mum is deeply religious, in as far as to believe in the creation story. Religion/Atheism isn't a topic of conversation with any of them, we all respect each others beliefs.

 

[pinkowl]

Do you know he didnt believe in god at all before?

I have never discussed my religion or what I believe in to anyone as it is personal. You would not be able to tell if I believe in God or not unless I told you my view. If he hasnt discussed his to you before it doesnt mean he didnt believe in god before, he just didn't show his religion as openly as he now does.

Just let him be and dont ask him to explain his choices to you. He is grown up and doesnt need to justify his life choices to you even if you dont agree with them.

 

[dirtychinchilla]

You could explore context in that statement, if the girlfriend was doing something bad or being a lousy influence then the context would dictate a "dude get rid of her if you can't change her because she's not right". Same for the religion, if it was making him act strange and say odd things you could say something about him getting out of it.

If he's just the same guy but has religion in his life there is no point in asking him to give it up.

Thats a tough one.... if i saw she was really bad for him then maybe. But i'd try to be diplomatic about it. Thinking on my own experience a friend of mine did constantly warn me about my ex (shes a nutter m8 end of!) and i refused to see it. So yeah you're right there :thumbs up:

What it comes down to for me, I think, is that my friends and girlfriend are the people that I'm most honest with. It's them I'd expect to tell me if I'm making a terrible decision (and frankly, OcUK, as I would count most of you as internet friends and some real life friends, and we all know that if you offer an opinion, everyone here is brutally honest). OK it's slightly different if it's not actually affecting their life negatively, but you can easily mistake religion for a mental illness, if the context were removed...it's quite a concerning thing in my opinion, particularly just to make a change like this chap apparently has.

 

[Hitman_Leon]

What it comes down to for me, I think, is that my friends and girlfriend are the people that I'm most honest with. It's them I'd expect to tell me if I'm making a terrible decision (and frankly, OcUK, as I would count most of you as internet friends and some real life friends, and we all know that if you offer an opinion, everyone here is brutally honest). OK it's slightly different if it's not actually affecting their life negatively, but you can easily mistake religion for a mental illness, if the context were removed...it's quite a concerning thing in my opinion, particularly just to make a change like this chap apparently has.

Indeed, thus if he starts being odd it's time to be the friend with the brutal honesty. In all probability for the guy in question maybe it was not so sudden. He could have been quietly mulling over the possible ramifications for quite some time before his friend the OP found out. With the OP 'his friend' being atheist he might have really searched himself mentally about weather he really wanted religion before committing himself. Rather that than say he was going to join the while he was trying to establish if religion was what he wanted. He may just have wanted to be sure before announcing it to his friends.