Abortion/termination - anyone ever had one?

Spuddy

Spuddy

Spuddy

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Has anyone ever gone through, or has your ever partner had an abortion? If so do you/they regret it?

Unexpected pregnancy has occurred, mixed feelings..

I don't think now is the right time for me to become a dad, but is there ever a right time? Me and the GF don't live together and Im still at uni, she wants me to move in and start a family now this has occured (she already has a 4 year old to a previous marriage). I do want kids someday but cant help but think this is bad timing.

Baby would be due next year (2-3 weeks pregnant at moment) right on top of my final exams for uni. I seriously don't wanna mess up my degree after working so hard on it this far and then fall at the last hurdle. I also planned to go on and do a masters/PhD. Im struggling to see how I can support a family whilst doing this but don't want to simply give up on my career ambitions. I work part time on a weekend whilst studying for some money.

GF is firmly in the "i want to keep this baby" camp, even though we've been actively trying to not get pregnant, even taking a morning after pill about 5 weeks ago after a contraception mishap. I was in utter shock at first and was happy but had some serious concerns which I expressed, she took these happy thoughts as we're definitely keeping this baby (even though we hadn't discussed it between ourselves yet properly) and decided to tell immediate family and close friend.

Now after finally talking about it and me bringing up the possibility of a termination, Im all of a sudden a bad guy. Apparently Im forcing her into it and not giving her much choice even though I've said I will support her whichever decision she makes.

Im so torn, on one hand I don't want to screw up future career prospects but on the other Im not so sure if I could live with myself after my partner having an abortion and losing out on that opportunity to become a Dad. In years to come when/if I had kids, would I always be wondering? "what if I kept that child... what would they look/sound/be like now...." and have that haunting me forever.

A bit of serious and friendly advice is welcomed for a change please GD.
My head is a mess.
 
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Do you really want people on here discussing something like this? Way to personal to have a good outcome.

Whatever you decide I wish you all the best.
 
Why do you think it will hit your career ? Sure your spare time will be cut but if you have a decent support network you'll still have time for a life and studies.
 
I can see this getting deep!

Can also see the nut cases coming out in force.

If it helps OP I went to uni with someone in your exact situation. He graduated just fine and went on to do a masters
 
At the end of the day if she wants to keep it then it's her choice, you can voice your opinion but ultimately she can do as she wishes.

You need to sit and have a serious think and a no holds barred discussion with her about it.
 
You have to make your own choice on this one - as whatever you decide it WILL affect you quick substantially for the rest of your life.

And just curious - but how did she "just" manage to get pregnant. Are you sure she isn't doing it as some bargaining tool and is she definately pregnant..... if so how far on ?

Woman can be very strange creatures and there are substantially more nutters than blokes care to realise.

I just find it strange that she has a child from a previous marriage, yet has to take a morning after pill - then just happens to get pregnant. Most women would understand the correct use of a contraceptive (at least the point of taking to not get pregnant) after their first child.
 
tom_e said:
At the end of the day if she wants to keep it then it's her choice, you can voice your opinion but ultimately she can do as she wishes.

You need to sit and have a serious think and a no holds barred discussion with her about it.
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As much as i agree i wouldn't necessarily go all out on this...i would politely voice my concerns but i certainly wouldn't straight up ask her to have an abortion...im not sure that's fair to put on someone.
 
At the end of the day it isn't really your choice. If she wants to keep the baby, she will.

Without writing an essay, you've already mentioned you'll be wondering and maybe regretting any form of termination. So all round it looks like you're going to be a father and your partner is going to have her second child.

You have 9 months to figure out the details. It's going to change life dramatically. But I don't see why you can't hold down your studies and be a father.

Money isn't everything and there's never a right time I don't think. The due date isn't ideal but at least you're not in your first year at uni. You'll have a degree under your belt and I'm sure friends and family will help support you if you have that available. They are both important.

At the worst the relationship fails and you become a weekend dad like many others and still get to push your career. I hope you can make it work though. I don't think termination, from what ou have said, is really a solution to the problem if you feel you're going to look back and feel what might have been.
 
Heliospherez said:
You have to make your own choice on this one - as whatever you decide it WILL affect you quick substantially for the rest of your life.

And just curious - but how did she "just" manage to get pregnant. Are you sure she isn't doing it as some bargaining tool and is she definately pregnant..... if so how far on ?

Woman can be very strange creatures and there are substantially more nutters than blokes care to realise.

I just find it strange that she has a child from a previous marriage, yet has to take a morning after pill - then just happens to get pregnant.
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People who take contraceptives do get pregnant...accidental pregnancy happens. She isn't a nutjob just because she has a child from a previous relationship...
 
Nitefly said:
Do you really want people on here discussing something like this? Way to personal to have a good outcome.

Whatever you decide I wish you all the best.
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Thank you. Im more hoping for input from people who have been in a similar situation.

Buddy said:
Tough decision. Have you considered talking to someone who knows you well parents? Close friends?
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I've tried talking to parent yeah, they can see it from both sides.

omnomnom said:
Why do you think it will hit your career ? Sure your spare time will be cut but if you have a decent support network you'll still have time for a life and studies.
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Timing more than anything, baby due right on top of my final exam period. Don't want to be so time restricted that I cant study because obviously mum is going to want me around to help and Id also want to be there to help too. Performance in those last exams is going to determine if I can progress onto a masters/PhD or not.
 
How can anyone have a mishap with contraception? It's pretty easy. You don't want babies, you use a condom. Simple.

My brother was in this exact situation before he had his first daughter. He and his partner ended up splitting and his life was hell for the first few years. Of course he loves his daughter completely and utterly, but if he could have changed the course of timings he would have. He was drunk, used no condom. His own fault. But he dealt with it.
 
omnomnom said:
So you want to terminate a baby because it falls around a final exam ?

Honestly I think that's an awful reason
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No, god no - sorry if it came across like that.

I don't want to basically become distracted from career ambitions and like I mentioned in the OP its a huge step for me because we don't even live together and the GF wants me to settle down and start a family. It just feels rushed like everything is happening at once and is a massive jump, its not just the fact that I will be a dad. It's a massive lifestyle change requiring a huge amount of commitment and also means moving away to another city away from my own family/friends/support network.

Not to mention the financial struggles Im worrying about that are bound to come with it, of paying a mortgage and raising 2 children not just the one. It's a huge increase from just basically catering for myself at the moment.
 
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EliotG said:
How can anyone have a mishap with contraception? It's pretty easy. You don't want babies, you use a condom. Simple.

My brother was in this exact situation before he had his first daughter. He and his partner ended up splitting and his life was hell for the first few years. Of course he loves his daughter completely and utterly, but if he could have changed the course of timings he would have. He was drunk, used no condom. His own fault. But he dealt with it.
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Even condoms have a failure rate.
 
This is the last place I'd be discussing your situation OP.


Good luck, I hope you make the right decision, whatever you choose.
 
When I first learned that my other half was pregnant I, like you questioned whether I was ready and if it was the right time to be a dad.

I was 27 at the time and enjoyed the lifestyle I had which was mainly around social drinking.

After a bit of time I started to get used to the idea and we had a boy.

At the point of actually becoming a dad your whole life changes and your priories change. It takes a bit to get used to but I am so glad to have my son and wouldn't change it for the world...in fact I can't imagine what life would be like without him!

Maybe it's worth talking to your other half to see how things would work once the little one is here. Be careful as you don't want to end up falling out and losing the relationship - I've seen this happen to plenty of friends.

In short: It's scary, I'll turn you life upside down and It'll change your life. But I'd do it all again without thinking about it :)
 
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