You be surprised. Happened to me twice, I got lucky. May not 3rd time round.
Abortion/termination - anyone ever had one?
- Thread starter Spuddy
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You be surprised. Happened to me twice, I got lucky. May not 3rd time round.
Soldato
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They split regularly, particularly if they have not been put on properly.
Thanks for your input, sounds like you have a very busy life.
I've already told her the decision is up to her ultimately and I'll support her no matter what she decides.
The 4 year old isn't my child, we are very close however. But I don't even live with my GF, we have our separate homes - I have no commitments to that child as she isn't mine.
The arrival of this new baby, requires some serious commitment obviously, not only to the baby but also to my GF and her child - as we'd all be moving in together to play happy families. Otherwise I probably wouldn't be moving in to their home if she wasn't pregnant.
I hope that gets across what Im trying to say, finding it hard to put into words.
Yes but not a mishap as such as we must have had a defective condom (like I say they're only 97% effective IIRC).
My first daughter came along at 24 for me. GF was 20 so we just missed out on the teenage mum badge.
We got pregnant again about 2010 and it just was the worst possible time. We had agreed to take on a business and my GF was the only one that could do the job (Hairdresser). We had just put pen to paper and we in for many tens of thousands of pounds. A new baby would have ruined us. So we agreed to terminate. Frankly it was horrible and that's just from my perspective!
We became pregnant again in 2012 and although the business wasn't great we decided we couldn't go through that again so went with it. Sadly the pregnancy triggered cancer in my GF and she didn't last a year - although the baby is healthy and now nearly 3.
However, we met, got pregnant, moved in together in less than a year and managed 13 years together and would still be together now.
We got pregnant again about 2010 and it just was the worst possible time. We had agreed to take on a business and my GF was the only one that could do the job (Hairdresser). We had just put pen to paper and we in for many tens of thousands of pounds. A new baby would have ruined us. So we agreed to terminate. Frankly it was horrible and that's just from my perspective!
We became pregnant again in 2012 and although the business wasn't great we decided we couldn't go through that again so went with it. Sadly the pregnancy triggered cancer in my GF and she didn't last a year - although the baby is healthy and now nearly 3.
However, we met, got pregnant, moved in together in less than a year and managed 13 years together and would still be together now.
We had a termination due to medical reasons last year. It was and still is a nightmare. Every time my fiancée sees someone pregnant she can't help but feel resentment towards them and to this day she does feel like a murderer. This is despite the survival chances of the little one being zero.
Similar situation, it was brought up after only a few months of been together too and said I wanted to wait until Uni was out the way with before I even thought about having them. She agreed and went on the BC pill but had to come off about 8 months ago for medical reasons.
Up until her getting pregnant we were both agreed that NOW wasn't the time to have a baby, but now that she's gotten pregnant she has changed her mind.
I will support that child 100% if she decides to keep it, the worrying bit is the idea of the everlasting commitment to the GF and her child. I feel likes its rushing the relationship when I don't really feel ready to take such a massive step in our relationship like moving in.
Yes she has her own house out in the country, its not really big enough for a family though IMO.
Soldato
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Do you feel the need for a paternity test? All things being equal, if you weren't aware of or expecting contraception failure this time round then it's something to consider. Either that or she may have helped matters along.
As for all the other stuff, assuming it's yours, nothing anyone can say or guide you on will steer her decision.
Do you see yourself with her in the future as a family? Do you get on well and are you happy?
Many benefits to having kids when you are younger and there are infinitely worse things that could have happened to you.
My first daughter came along at 24 for me. GF was 20 so we just missed out on the teenage mum badge.
We got pregnant again about 2010 and it just was the worst possible time. We had agreed to take on a business and my GF was the only one that could do the job (Hairdresser). We had just put pen to paper and we in for many tens of thousands of pounds. A new baby would have ruined us. So we agreed to terminate. Frankly it was horrible and that's just from my perspective!
We became pregnant again in 2012 and although the business wasn't great we decided we couldn't go through that again so went with it. Sadly the pregnancy triggered cancer in my GF and she didn't last a year - although the baby is healthy and now nearly 3.
However, we met, got pregnant, moved in together in less than a year and managed 13 years together and would still be together now.
So sorry for you loss Edd, that's heart breaking. I appreciate you sharing that information however.
I wish you all the best.
Sorry to probe further but was it medical issue with your fiancee or the baby?
The GF suffered damage to her back/pelvis during her last pregnancy and did express concerns about how it would effect this pregnancy as a result. She often wakes up 5/6 times a night and cant bend her back, literally frozen into position. Even after intense physio for several years.
Personally I'm all in the abort camp.
Don't need any responsibilities before 30 and unplanned babies. I personally think people opposed to it are not thinking clearly. In my eyes it's something that would destroy my life as I know it. Kids is something you plan for years in advance, career and financially wise...
Mind that I'm 24, a bit immature, and never went through anything remotely like this decision wise.
Don't need any responsibilities before 30 and unplanned babies. I personally think people opposed to it are not thinking clearly. In my eyes it's something that would destroy my life as I know it. Kids is something you plan for years in advance, career and financially wise...
Mind that I'm 24, a bit immature, and never went through anything remotely like this decision wise.
Soldato
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Problem is your thinking like a bloke and with all the emotional detachment afforded you.
Soldato
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Well unless it split (which you would definitely know about) the chances of getting her pregnant using a condom is very low.
I don't want to be the first one to say it, but are you sure it is yours?
Hi, no I don't feel the need for a paternity test, I trust her completely.
We get on well and are happy at the moment yes, but like I said we have been through some pretty rough/testing patches in this relationship and even called it quits a couple of times but things seem to be going great now we've ironed out our differences.
Im not sure if I see us being together as a family, I would like to but didn't want to make any rash decisions and wanted to give us time to prove we could work long term before deciding to move in together and have a baby but now everything has come at once.
Like mentioned above the commitment scares me as to if this relationship is actually going to work long term as we've not long ago ironed out or differences but not had the real test of living with each other 24/7 but now it seems Im been thrown in at the deep end. We do love each other but sometimes thats no guarantee.
We did go to see a doctor yesterday and when we brought up that issue he just pushed a leaflet under our noses to ring antenatal if we wished to continue with the pregnancy. Then quickly ushered us out of the room, we must have been in there 3 minutes if we was lucky.
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Which is not nill, very unlucky yes but still more than possible.
Haha yes, Im sure. Maybe it did split and I didn't realise, too late to check now however.
Soldato
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As someone who had a kid in his early 20s, when ideally I'd have like to have focused on my career more - I see your point.
There's pros and cons, I wish you the best of luck with whichever way it goes.
There's pros and cons, I wish you the best of luck with whichever way it goes.
Does very much sound like you aren't ready for a baby
Both the timing and not living together
It also sounds like ideally (if it was your decision) you wouldn't keep it
Also sounds kind of (maybe wrong) you aren't at the point of being sure that this relationship is going the distance?
Personally I wouldn't have a support network of any kind if such a thing happened to me
Do you have this?
I'm going with general feeling that this child is going to be born, it's whether you want to be there monetarily or in person
Is the biggest problem the exams or the relationship (not being fully fledged)?
Both the timing and not living together
It also sounds like ideally (if it was your decision) you wouldn't keep it
Also sounds kind of (maybe wrong) you aren't at the point of being sure that this relationship is going the distance?
Personally I wouldn't have a support network of any kind if such a thing happened to me
Do you have this?
I'm going with general feeling that this child is going to be born, it's whether you want to be there monetarily or in person
Is the biggest problem the exams or the relationship (not being fully fledged)?
That's ultimately how these decisions should be made, logically and detached from any kinds of emotions imo. Perhaps a bit selfish, and I admit, I can't empathise with women at all for keeping kids at this age. You simply don't get kids before 30 imo.
I've had this discussion with many girls of my age and indeed, they're pretty much all in ''I'd never abort'' camp. 2-3 weeks is not a living baby imho. I was always surprised how they let their emotions lead them.
That is indeed a tough point.
Again, this is coming from someone who does everything to keep his freedom, doesn't like responsibilities ( except when paid for it) and I'm a bit immature still in my view on life.
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Soldato
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Not saying it is impossible, just unlikely, particularly as op didn't say there was a definite 'mishap' (IE the condom split), just he assumed the condom had failed and they were unlucky.
Before I had children, I always considered that an abortion would be an option in an unwanted pregnancy.
Now that I have kids, the thought absolutely repulses me and I can't imagine ever choosing that option if we have an unplanned pregnancy in future.
Now that I have kids, the thought absolutely repulses me and I can't imagine ever choosing that option if we have an unplanned pregnancy in future.