A friend losing his way in life & needs help.

Doesn't sound like you found out the issue but rather just talked to him about how he is acting (which is the first step to finding the issue). Surely you should be finding out why he is acting that way. Getting him to give up drugs is all fine and dandy but if you are just curing the symptoms and ignoring the possibility of something making him turn to the drugs rather than the drugs being the cause, other parts of his life will suffer eventually because the issue is still there.

In fact, I would say his casualness on being under the influence suggests there is a bigger problem in his life and the drugs is just a way he is dealing with them.
 
Id recommend speaking to him calmly and asking how he is doing and let him know that if he ever needs help or is in a rut or stuck in a bad situation that you are there to help him. Let him know your door is always open and couch always free.
 
Rroff said:
Know someone a bit like that who suffers from bipolar disorder which resulted in them turning to substances which had the side effect of making the condition worse that resulted in a vicious circle. Only resolved after an incident of some kind that resulted in him getting help.
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That's me in a nutshell. I'm not bipolar but I suffer from severe bouts of depression due to schizophrenia which it it's self is hard enough to live with, without throwing depression into the mix too. I turned to drink, vodka. I ended up on one 75cl bottle a day and this went on for several years. Inevitably a blood test at my GP revealed liver damage. That was my wake up call. I was killing myself.

I'm now on a stronger dose of Olanzapine for my schizophrenia and mirtazapine for my depression. I kicked out the drink completely, with the help of a support group in my area called NECA. I'm fortunate that my liver damage was caught early as I've been told it is reversible and will heal it's self as long as I stay off the drink. I feel like I've been given a new start in life. Personal relationships with friends and family are improving and I'm much more positive about everything now.

OP - Your friend may need to hit rock bottom like I did before he turns around. I wish him luck.
 
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Sliver said:
That's me in a nutshell. I'm not bipolar but I suffer from severe bouts of depression due to schizophrenia which it it's self is hard enough to live with, without throwing depression into the mix too. I turned to drink, vodka. I ended up on one 75cl bottle a day and this went on for several years. Inevitably a blood test at my GP revealed liver damage. That was my wake up call. I was killing myself.

I'm now on a stronger dose of Olanzapine for my schizophrenia and mirtazapine for my depression. I kicked out the drink completely, with the help of a support group in my area called NECA. I'm fortunate that my liver damage was caught early as I've been told it is reversible and will heal it's self as long as I stay off the drink. I feel like I've been given a new start in life. Personal relationships with friends and family are improving and I'm much more positive about everything now.

OP - Your friend may need to hit rock bottom like I did before he turns around. I wish him luck.
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Thank you for your honest and frank feedback Silver and congratulations on your recovery. That's one hell of an achievement.
 
Avenged7Fold said:
Doesn't sound like you found out the issue but rather just talked to him about how he is acting (which is the first step to finding the issue). Surely you should be finding out why he is acting that way. Getting him to give up drugs is all fine and dandy but if you are just curing the symptoms and ignoring the possibility of something making him turn to the drugs rather than the drugs being the cause, other parts of his life will suffer eventually because the issue is still there.

In fact, I would say his casualness on being under the influence suggests there is a bigger problem in his life and the drugs is just a way he is dealing with them.
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I agree I need to talk to him and get to the bottom of the reason why and then I may be able to help him through it.
 
When his wife walks there will be tears and all hell will break loose, Pull him aside and tell him when he is calm he has no clue what is at stake. A bit of baccy is fine but the rest no no no no.

All mixed with god knows what for filler. I would not say it was the baccy because the medical patients in murca would all be going around with tantrums. And no reports from Uruguay or Portugal yet about increased aggression as far as i know.
 
I get that you're talking to him but he's not really talking. For him to change so drastically and hammer the drugs there has to be an underlying cause. This is what you need to get out of him.
As has been said, get him when he's not off his face. Explain to him what's at stake. Make him realise he will lose his friends and family.
 
Dis86 said:
I get that you're talking to him but he's not really talking. For him to change so drastically and hammer the drugs there has to be an underlying cause. This is what you need to get out of him.
As has been said, get him when he's not off his face. Explain to him what's at stake. Make him realise he will lose his friends and family.
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That's my plan for this weekend.
 
It could be a medical condition.

My partners dad died from a brain tumor and he was aggressive and doing odd things before diagnosis.

Hope its not but it could be medical as opposed to life style/crazy mid life etc.

Good luck and hope all turns out well. ;)
 
itchy said:
It could be a medical condition.

My partners dad died from a brain tumor and he was aggressive and doing odd things before diagnosis.

Hope its not but it could be medical as opposed to life style/crazy mid life etc.

Good luck and hope all turns out well. ;)
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That's a very good point itchy, thanks.
 
Sliver beat me to it with the depression suggestion (congrat's on turning your situation around, Sliver, by the way, because that is not easy) because my anecdotal evidence and utter lack of anything resembling expertise suggests his actions are entirely consistent with depression.

Sadly, if it is, it's not easy even for experts to deal with, especially if the sufferer doesn't want to deal with it, or face up to it, and many of his actions could well be the result of depression, and a sort-of coping mechanism, right up to an including irrational anger, an extremely short and unpredictably short fuse and, potentially, self-harm up to and including suicide if he really means "I just don't care".

I'm not in any way qualified to advise on dealing with that, but were it my friend, I'd feel inclined to tread extremely lightly with some of the amateur psychologist's suggestions in this thread. If he's seriously depressed, he may well react by simply cutting you off in his head, and ignoring or dismissing anything more you do from then on.

If it's depression, he could really do with qualified medical help, but from what I've seen, getting it for him is a bit of a lottery even if he's on-board with asking for it. Many GPs either seem to not have the expertise, or time, or secondary resources to call on, and "take one of these twice a day and come back next month" is an all to common but wholly inadequate response.

I'd say get him proper help, but quite how to achieve that? I don't know.

Just be careful because ill-advised action could be worse than no action at all.
 
It's difficult isn't it, when you see a friend making a bad choice and you try to help but it doesn't matter what you say because they've already made up their mind. I've had it happen a few times and intervening can often be at risk of your relationship.

A former coworker of mine was bipolar, lovely chap and I never ever saw the dark side because he had already spoken to a doctor and was on medication plus he took up relaxing hobbies. Your idea of wacky backy is off by quite a margin, it only takes a little research to show why many countries are legalizing it now for actual proven medical benefit. I'm within the rules of the forum to state that I view alcohol as a much worse drug and I'm genuinely not a smoker.

Maybe you could try taking up a few relaxing hobbies together. I'd play golf, PC games,RC cars and listen to chillout music with my friend. It would be helpful if he could see a doctor within this particular field. I think your support will mean the world to him and you'll have to tread lightly so not to overstep the line.
 
Dogoid said:
his drug use may be a symptom not the cause . it's possible he has a underlining condition which makes it likely he'll gravitate to drugs to medicate.
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could be - extreme personality changes can occur in a number of medical conditions (brain tumour for example).
 
itchy said:
It could be a medical condition.

My partners dad died from a brain tumor and he was aggressive and doing odd things before diagnosis.

Hope its not but it could be medical as opposed to life style/crazy mid life etc.

Good luck and hope all turns out well. ;)
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This is a good potential call and *hopefully* it is something like this (in a curable manner) rather than other issues to do with the relationship braking down etc.

I'm thinking lesser of 2 evils here.
 
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