Poll: As a third party, is it okay to cheat?

As person C, is it okay to sleep with person A?

  • Hell yes!

    Votes: 81 17.6%

  • No, it's wrong.

    Votes: 291 63.4%

  • Pancake.

    Votes: 87 19.0%
  • Total voters
    459

Nix

Nix

Nix

Soldato
Joined
26 Dec 2005
Posts
19,841
Leading on from this thread.

Person A is in a monogamous relationship with person B.

Person C is aware of the above relationship.

Person A would like to have sex with person C whilst still in that relationship.

Is it okay for person C to have sex with person A?
 
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depends on the scenario

is person A married? engaged or living with a partner in a committed long term relationship?

Is person A an 18 year old with a 'boyfriend' who isn't even in the country and person C is interested in and would perhaps like to be the new boyfriend of?
 
Why does the seriousness of the relationship have any bearing whatsoever? It's still the same outcome.
 
Nix said:
Why does the seriousness of the relationship have any bearing whatsoever? It's still the same outcome.
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because someone who has made a lifelong commitment to someone is in a different situation to someone who has been dating someone for a while, hasn't made that commitment and might like to date someone else

I vote 'pancake' as my answer is Yes or No depending on the actual scenario
 
dowie said:
because someone who has made a lifelong commitment to someone is in a different situation to someone who has been dating someone for a while and might like to date someone else
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Being cheated on will still hurt regardless on the severity of the relationship. In this instance, person C is knowingly inflicting pain on person B by facilitating the actions of person A.

There is of course a huge difference between a marriage with mortgage and children than the honeymoon period of a twenty-something due to the extra collateral damage that can be caused. That does not for a second absolve the actions of person A or C just because the relationship is in its infancy, though.
 
Always been an interesting one for me as assuming that person A was actively pursuing person C and I was person B I really couldn't blame person C for going along with it so to speak, however if person C was actively pursuing person A knowing they were in a relationship I'd have a pretty low opinion of both of them. If that makes sense.

Personally if I was person B I'd rather they just got on with it and out of my life rather than try trying to pretend everything was alright and deluding myself with a lie (obviously everyone has thoughts about these kind of things and sometimes there'll be a bit of chemistry/light flirting between people but if it goes beyond that its another matter).
 
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If person C wasn't aware of the relationship between person A and B then I don't see a problem. For me, the problem stems when person C is aware and facilitates hurt for their own selfish gain.
 
Nix said:
Being cheated on will still hurt regardless on the severity of the relationship. In this instance, person C is knowingly inflicting pain on person B by facilitating the actions of person A.

There is of course a huge difference between a marriage with mortgage and children than the honeymoon period of a twenty-something due to the extra collateral damage that can be caused. That does not for a second absolve the actions of person A or C just because the relationship is in its infancy, though.
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absolve them of what - exercising free will? A deciding that she might be better off with C?

sure if C was just sleeping with her for a bit and A deceived B into thinking they were still together then that would be wrong... but if A and C hook up and A decides she'd rather be in a relationship with C, tells B that it is over and she has found someone else then... well that's just something B will have to accept

A hasn't made a long term commitment to B and is free to chose who she carries on dating...
 
dowie said:
absolve them of what - exercising free will? A deciding that she might be better off with C?

sure if C was just sleeping with her for a bit and A deceived B into thinking they were still together then that would be wrong... but if A and C hook up and A decides she'd rather be in a relationship with C, tells B that it is over and she has found someone else then... well that's just something B will have to accept

A hasn't made a long term commitment to B and is free to chose who she carries on dating...
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So you're essentially saying that as long as it's not a long-term serious commitment, it's not cheating?
 
Person C is a douche in my opinion. Not sure about B as I've only got Cs word to go on.

I don't see the point in pursuing girls who do that sort of thing. Shortly afterwards you'll find yourself in the same situation (well maybe) hating person C/D.
 
Mynight said:
Person C is a douche in my opinion. Not sure about B as I've only got Cs word to go on.

I don't see the point in pursuing girls who do that sort of thing. Shortly afterwards you'll find yourself in the same situation (well maybe) hating person C/D.
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In my experience its rarely a happy ending for person C.
 
Nix said:
So you're essentially saying that as long as it's not a long-term serious commitment, it's not cheating?
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no I've not said that - re read the post I've highlighted the scenario that would be 'wrong' IMO in that instance - A sleeping with C while still maintaining a supposedly monogamous relationship with B would be cheating.

A sleeping with C, after moving to another country and then telling B she has found someone else.... well she's being completely honest, she's not made a long term commitment with B and has now found someone else in the form of C.
 
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Monogamous means to only have one spous at a time thus it's cheating if B sleeps with C regardless of intended commitment duration.

Telling A after the fact doesn't absolve the act.
 
well in that scenario she almost has broken up with him in choosing C... she's just not told him yet (I mean she could in theory send him a quick SMS message to technically breakup immediately prior to sleeping with C but it is probably better she gives him a call the next day)

bottom line is there isn't a long term commitment there, B is just someone she's been dating for a few months and might have potential, then C comes along and seems like a better choice
 
Well it's pretty black and white. One is cheating the other isn't.

I don't think there's a possibility of middle ground or third option in such a scenario.
 
dowie, until person A has officially broken up with B which usually tends to involve more than a superficial text before getting a seeing to, for all intents and purposes A and B are in a relationship.

However you want to paint it, it is still cheating.
 
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Nix said:
dowie, until person A has officially broken up with B which usually tends to involve more than a superficial text before getting a seeing to, for all intents and purposes A and B are in a relationship.

However you paint it, it is cheating.
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people can and do break up by text but that aside if A decides she isn't in a relationship then she isn't in a relationship anymore... that is her personal choice - B can be told it is over, she has found someone else at the earliest opportunity
 
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