Buying a house with girlfriend ?

I must admit I gambled a bit myself in my younger days with my girlfriend moving in fairly quickly, albeit I was already buying the house in my own right. I was aware after six months she would have a claim should anything go wrong. Well that was nearly 30 years ago and we have been happily married for 29 this year, so the gamble paid off. I guess the approach to life, love etc. was different in 1986 than it is now and of course property value and percentage to income was much less - this was a 2 bed house which cost £27k in 1985.

We kept separate bank accounts until we married at which point we made mine a joint account and added her to the deeds on the mortgage/house. (Have moved numerous times since then either going up market or relocating through work).

Happy ending for me but doesn't necessarily mean that situation will apply to the OP. If he's been in this relationship for 12 months then surely the issue of financial responsibility must at least have been broached? How committed is she/you to the relationship - is it likely to fall apart the first time she has a headache or the little man won't stand to attention, or would each of you stand in front of the other to take a bullet? If the latter then maybe okay but I would certainly proceed very cautiously and balance emotion with the need for cold, hard - and legally binding - financial assurance.
 
Hikari Kisugi said:
OP has went into hiding :/
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That's because we're saying things he doesn't want to hear. He wants life to be a certain way and any opinion to the contrary is probably a bit too close to home for that niggling thought in his head. The same thought the prompted him to go ahead and make this thread.
 
Someone has probably figured out mathematically at what point you are less likely to end in divorce due to time spent together before hand, but there are so many variables here and I'm certainly not going to start listing things as I'm no expert.

IMO, I do think it helps to realise that we are never going to find some one who is 100% compatible, you can come very close and they're probably the keepers.
 
People can be so negative on here. Me and my GF have been together for nearly ten years. We have one Daughter with another on the way. I paid the bulk of the deposit (34k). Then we used her money ~10k to furnish the house. She has paid the mortgage every month and I pay the bills.
 
postbox said:
Someone has probably figured out mathematically at what point you are less likely to end in divorce due to time spent together before hand, but there are so many variables here and I'm certainly not going to start listing things as I'm no expert.

IMO, I do think it helps to realise that we are never going to find some one who is 100% compatible, you can come very close and they're probably the keepers.
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Exactly. And if you get 10 years down the line and bump into some enduring negatives with those ever changing variables you want to be sure you're protected. If she really loves him and see a future with him she wouldn't mind if HE buys the house and put it in a trust. Which I think it probably the most simple solution here.
 
adam cool dude said:
People can be so negative on here. Me and my GF have been together for nearly ten years. We have one Daughter with another on the way. I paid the bulk of the deposit (34k). Then we used her money ~10k to furnish the house. She has paid the mortgage every month and I pay the bills.
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who's name is on the deeds?
 
postbox said:
Did I not say "don't rush into things"? so I'm not sure what your point is?

I read that stat as 58% of couples got it right.
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That's not a particularly high majority...

I certainly wouldn't be willing to gamble my home/life savings/basically everything on a 58/42 stake!
 
easyrider said:
who's name is on the deeds?
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Does it really matter? If you have kids with somebody you are hardly going to throw them out onto the street if the proverbial hits the fan...

I am in the same situation, I put down the deposit on our house and earn way more but we have a single account for the most part. She doesn't ask me where I spend my money, and she isn't the selfish type anyway. If you don't trust someone you shouldn't be moving in together.

I strongly suspect the amount of nerd rage against OP on here is borne from foreveralone.jpg jealousy :D
 
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I would be careful OP.

Recent friend of mine is going through hell atm. She met a fella, bought her own house. 3 years later moved him in. Year later engaged. Year later broke up.

2 years living together and he was contributing to the mortgage. The house is all in her name and he didn´t put anything to the deposit.

She offered him £20k. Basically all his contributions to the mortgage plus a bit extra. He has declined and has apparently got legal advice claiming he is entitled to half. Getting very ugly very quickly.

He is trying to get her to sell her house so he can get the ‘half he is entitled to’. So looks like she might have to sell her house, move back in with parents whilst she saves up enough again for another deposit.
 
adam cool dude said:
People can be so negative on here.
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Not really, its more about being aware if anything goes wrong. Which not many people think about when they move in.

Bottle line is, if the relationship does go wrong (not saying it will). You need to look after yourself and walk away with exactly what you put in. Especially when the law favours the female under relationship failures.
 
adam cool dude said:
Both. If you can not trust each other from the off the relationship is doomed to fail.
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I don't think its a question of trust.

People fall in and out of love...

Its just being honest and open about things.

Fact is to many blokes get rung out to dry to many times.

Hell...What women in their right mind would not allow her kids to see their father?

But it happens...Its happens over money it happens over spite FFS.
 
silversurfer said:
If you are having kids with someone isnt money pretty low down the rank of things that can go wrong
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Exactly if your mindset from the off is "Is she going to take all my money" then the relationship has already failed. At the end a woman will not leave you if you give her the needs she wants. If the man decides to play away then he deserves everything he gets.
 
silversurfer said:
If you are having kids with someone isnt money pretty low down the rank of things that can go wrong
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Seriously, some of you guys seem to have a bit of trouble grasping basic concepts.

No-one is saying "money is the most important thing", just that when you are entering into a SIGNIFICANT AND LEGALLY BINDING COMMITMENT that you should take precautions to minimise the damage IF THINGS DO GO WRONG. Which, by the way, there is close to a 50% chance that it will do. Yes, 50/50. You do the maths.

If a man is such a ninny that wants to bury his head in the sand until the point where he hits difficulties with break-ups or divorce and thus naturally finances and assets then that's his choice, but then they have zero right to moan about it. However, newsflash: people change over the course of decades, life events happen, there is so much empirical evidence to support this that you simply can't predict or assume a "happily ever after".

This whole mentality that you shouldn't take any basic precautions because "omgitsnotromanticinnit" is just laughable, and really speaks volumes about the individuals.

Lets see who is laughing in 10-20 years...
 
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