Coping with a Smoking teenager in a non smoking house !

OpenToSuggestions · 29 Mar 2016 at 10:59

The 16 year old needs a good old fashioned slap round the head.

sanaxe1 · 29 Mar 2016 at 11:03

Avenged7Fold said:
Moving to a new place will just make him fall into another group of rebels. You need to target his discontent/motivation to act out before making changes like that. Moving away would help once he has a change of attitude but moving just to change his mates might just drive him to act out more and will cost money, which should be going toward sorting out a seperate room when you can afford it over a quick move that sets you back financially and leaves you with still undesired living arrangements.

Moving to a new house especially a housing association house will be a lot cheaper than building an extension or a loft conversion for another room as that is the only way he will get his own room. An extension/ loft conversion costs 10's of thousands and it would take the OP years to save that amount and by then it could be too late.

danielanthony · 29 Mar 2016 at 11:12

Now that he has his own room, cut a letterbox into the door.

Poo through letterbox.

Repeat until message is received.

Gilly · 29 Mar 2016 at 11:24

OpenToSuggestions said:
The 16 year old needs a good old fashioned slap round the head.

We have a 16yo at our local football club that would flatten his Dad if he did that

beachBOYken · 29 Mar 2016 at 11:40

confiscate his ps4!

Jonnycoupe · 29 Mar 2016 at 11:46

Stretch said:
Just ask him to smoke outside, if only for the sake of his sister.

Ask?

I'm confused, the word 'tell' should be used and that be the end of it. I'd flush smoking stuff down the toilet if he was then smoking in my house after ending told not to.

Avenged7Fold · 29 Mar 2016 at 11:50

sanaxe1 said:
Moving to a new house especially a housing association house will be a lot cheaper than building an extension or a loft conversion for another room as that is the only way he will get his own room. An extension/ loft conversion costs 10's of thousands and it would take the OP years to save that amount and by then it could be too late.

Understand and agree. I thought you meant move to a new place asap (regardless of new accommodation arrangements) to get away from his bad crowd instead of waiting on the housing association for a suitable place.

Washout · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:08

I think most teenagers have done the sneaky drinks, gone overboard and thrown up all over themselves. So long as it doesn't become a regular thing that's not too much to worry over.

Smoking, he just needs to be told in no uncertain terms is absolutely forbidden inside the house. Letting his sister near second hand smoke just won't be allowed and he should be old enough to appreciate that. Wouldn't start shouting or directly threatening, just a stern talking to would be more likely to get through.

Having his own room will hopefully help!

bloodiedathame · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:18

You need to find a way to compromise with him ultimately. ie you can smoke but not indoors or out of windows.

MookJong · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:19

Sit down with him and have a private chat, or take him somewhere away from the house and talk to him like a human being.

One of the most important questions you need to ask him is if he is happy. If he is not then ask him what you can do to help. Plenty people get trapped around friends and peer situations that they do not have the life experience to escape at this age.

I had some great times as a teenager but also some very dark ones. You need to ensure he feels he can come to you and not that he has to keep secrets.

My guess is that he probably feels a bit useless at the moment and can't see a way out.

MINUS12 · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:26

To be honest the housing association have been very slow due to massive waiting lists , so I will have to think of other alternatives . Rent prices are very high in more residential areas and to move to other areas with lower rent means compromise ie: living in rough areas , high crime areas , chavvy kids , etc and I don't want my children or myself around this ..

It all started when my son at 12 started stealing and constantly lying even though we treated him very well but I now realised less is more ...since that our relationship deteriorated due to lack of trust and disrespect and I guess this is when things started to go downhill ..

To clarify as of recent times he isn't smoking in the house anymore I think (possibly out of the window as we can't monitor 24/7 ) but smoking outside over friends houses but still comes home wreaking of tobacco .. Btw The clothes in the bag trick worked wonders for the smell and he wasn't impressed to say the least

ebilcake · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:27

Sign him up with the army!

Schlong&Stable · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:34

h4rm0ny said:
At which point you often find what you've actually taught them is physical power determines who's the boss.

But physical power does determine who is the boss, so it's a useful lesson to learn.

Does the government control us through logic and reason or does it use force in the form of police and soldiers?

OpenToSuggestions · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:35

Gilly said:
We have a 16yo at our local football club that would flatten his Dad if he did that

Sounds like a splendid son. Family should be proud.

cheesyboy · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:36

Thompson_NCL said:
But physical power does determine who is the boss, so it's a useful lesson to learn.

Does the government control us through logic and reason or does it use force in the form of police and soldiers?

Mostly logic and reason, to be honest.

I avoid committing crimes because I fear the consequences meted out by the court, rather than because I fear being physically harmed by the government's hired muscle.

SPG · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:42

£75 send me his address and after a evening of "fun" he will be fully respectable and devout anti smoker.

The bad bruising occurred after a slip on the training course.

Repta · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:44

cheesyboy said:
Mostly logic and reason, to be honest.

I avoid committing crimes because I fear the consequences meted out by the court, rather than because I fear being physically harmed by the government's hired muscle.

Its the governments hired muscle that enforces the consequences from the courts. Without them they would mean nothing. They are both needed for society to run

Josh · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:44

ebilcake said:
Sign him up with the army!

Huh?

You can't force people to join, this isn't the 50's with National Service.

Avenged7Fold · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:49

MINUS12 said:
To clarify as of recent times he isn't smoking in the house anymore I think (possibly out of the window as we can't monitor 24/7 ) but smoking outside over friends houses but still comes home wreaking of tobacco .. Btw The clothes in the bag trick worked wonders for the smell and he wasn't impressed to say the least

Stick a really loud smoke alarm above his window. He can pretend he doesn't smoke out the window but he cant deny the beeping. He will choose to go outside at this point.

Haggisman · 29 Mar 2016 at 12:58

cheesyboy said:
Mostly logic and reason, to be honest.

I avoid committing crimes because I fear the consequences meted out by the court, rather than because I fear being physically harmed by the government's hired muscle.

What do you think happens when you refuse to comply with "the consequences meted out by the court"?

Avenged7Fold said:
Stick a really loud smoke alarm above his window. He can pretend he doesn't smoke out the window but he cant deny the beeping. He will choose to go outside at this point.

Or just take the battery out

MINUS12 said:
...chavvy kids , etc and I don't want my children or myself around this ..

I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, but I think it's a bit late for that