Dating multiple women - morality

Nodiggidy123 said:
afternoon all.

ive now been separated 4 or so months. been out on a few dates but not met anyone i can see a long term future with.

im in the rare position where i am dating 3 different women. i have kissed 2 of them and there is the possibilty of taking things further with one of them.

the issue i have is am i doing something wrong? none of them have shown any interest in being exclusive but the whole thing just feel a bit strange to me.

am i doing a bad thing here?
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No wonder I can't get a date you are hogging them all!,

Anyways imo you shouldn't let ti drag on much longer, you dont want to give the wrong impression to any of the. Date one or none at all it will be for the best.
 
Depends, IMO:

Going on a "first date" with a couple of girls and waiting to see how it goes with each of them? Fine.

Going on a few dates with one and things going well then deciding to start seeing others, not cool.

However if the one you've asked out properly is playing hard to get then it's hardly unreasonable of you to keep your options open.

Just bear in mind that she's most likely testing you to see if you are actually serious or just going to give up at the first hurdle - depends if you're happy to "play the game" or not, personally I cba with that and any girl who thinks that's a decent way of acting is probably going to end up being more trouble than she's worth :p
 
i get the impression she is scared of falling for someone. shes pretty closed but i havent felt a spark like this in years.

i just dont want to get hung up on her.
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
im in the rare position where i am dating 3 different women. i have kissed 2 of them and there is the possibilty of taking things further with one of them.
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1/. Stop boasting.

2/. Not really anything wrong - It's not illegal and morality is widely variable between individuals. No, you probably wouldn't like it if each of them were doing the same, but that's how it all goes. The fact that you even thought to ask suggests it's against your own moral sense, though...

3/. You'd need to ask each one if they were OK with you seeing other people at this point. Many people often do ask if their boyf/girlf is seeing anyone else, usually at the point when it's hoped they're not.

4/. I'd suggest just picking one and going for it. I've not (quite) dated more than one person at the same time, but it sounds pretty confusing. TBH, one at a time was enough and I got bored of their BS quite quickly - More than once I told someone I couldn't be arsed and went home to do something more interesting.
 
Artery said:
There's no indication that you're exclusive with any of these women so I'd say no.
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this, you've been on a few dates with each, I don't see the issue

if you get to the point where you really like one of them and it is mutual and you then consider each other to be girlfriend/boyfriend then that is different

but dating? No... whole point of dating is to meet people, you don't commit to one person simply because you've bought them dinner/taken them to the cinema once and you might have kissed
 
Acme said:
Yes. Jesus... :p

Ask yourself if they would be happy if they all found out about each other...

Exclusivity is sort of implied when you date someone... Nobody asks "So, are you only dating me, or dating 20 other people too?"
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That isn't true. In the US it's common to date multiple people until one couple decide to go exclusive.
 
Come on dude, 4 months out of a relationship and you want to get into a relationship with someone again?

Unless you are at school then there is no need to be jumping into another relationship so soon.

Just enjoy being single and dating lots of women at the same time and see where it goes. You are doing nothing wrong.
 
There's absolutely no problem if you've only started going out with them. Obviously if things start to progress and get serious with one then you'll need to make the choice.

Being in a relationship with more than one person isn't on but you're not at that stage just yet. Don't listen to the naysayers, last thing you want to do is potentially miss out on the love of your life!

In a similar boat as getting dates on tinder etc is fairly easy. It'd be silly to suggest you have to put all the other girls you might like to see on hiatus while you spend a week or two seeing someone only to find it wont work out. For a start those other people you're talking to won't take kindly to suddenly being ignored for 2 weeks and secondly they'll be talking to and potentially going out with multiple folk themselves.
 
G-MAN2004 said:
If you asked me this years ago I'd say it's wrong, but after going to uni and seeing what everyone is like there I'd now say the complete opposite (depending on your age I guess). Girls do the same thing all the time. They'll see you and then be at Tyrone's a few hours later. Can't trust anyone these days.

Sleep with them all, go no contact and then on to the next three.
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Sad, but true. It was easier in our parents and grandparents days. Low divorce rate, everything happened earlier, and yet the highest life expectancy (especially the WW2 generation).

Nowadays, everyone is too fussy, girls play "hard to get" etc, and nothing lasts.
 
When I was single I'd happily go out with more than one girl. Women are still fickle creatures so I wasn't sure on what they wanted. Ultimately girls also like to date a variation of men so I doubt it was one sided. Being single is the one time you might as well try on different shoes. As long as there is no mention of commitment and as long as you're honest as to when you do settle for the person you feel more drawn to then it's all good in my books.

But I also was a bit of a **** in my youth and played the field quite a bit :( it was fun but on reflection I know that I wasn't the most moral of people. I matured and learned and whilst I never cheated I started to strive for more long term relationships rather than a bit of fun.
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
like i said. if i have my way then i know who i would pick... but i cant just things on hold for her.
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Maybe with the girl you genuinely want to be with you should tell her that you really like her, you're being approached by other girls that like you and that you do like in return but... she's special and you're hoping she would be with you. I think that may be your best shot at being with her as she'll (a) learn that you have other offers which will show her others want you and (b) show her that she can't expect you to wait around.

Then she'll either agree to go out with you or she'll 'set you free' and you can date someone else. Both are better than trying to have it all and losing everything.

But however you work this out, don't go out with someone you don't feel you would be able to be the boyfriend of. That would be unfair to you and them.
 
Acme said:
Yes. Jesus... :p

Ask yourself if they would be happy if they all found out about each other...

Exclusivity is sort of implied when you date someone... Nobody asks "So, are you only dating me, or dating 20 other people too?"
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They aren't dating, unless you're suggesting going out and a little kiss is dating?

Cvlty said:
Sorry to get straight to the point, but yes, your being a full on idiot. You date people for a possible relationship, now ask what a relationship is...It's trust between 2 people, you are being far from trustworthy, if you're looking for no strings attached, then dating isnt the way forward.
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Again he isn't at the relationship stage, he's looking for a relationship.

VincentHanna said:
If you were seeing one girl you liked and found out she was dating 3 different guys, how would you feel?
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If we were dating, it would suck, however OP isn't dating either of the 3.

Nodiggidy123 said:
ill be honest i wont lie to any of them.

if things progress the way id like to with one of them then id happily commit. but until she says shes ready.. should i cut my nose off to spite my face?

POF!
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I wouldn't go out with multiple people if you aren't comfortable with it, and being upfront and honest is the best way to go about it. If they ask, you can simply say you are meeting other people since you/I/we have not took things further but you hope that changes as you think she is great (if you don't think shes awesome, move on).

G-MAN2004 said:
If you asked me this years ago I'd say it's wrong, but after going to uni and seeing what everyone is like there I'd now say the complete opposite (depending on your age I guess). Girls do the same thing all the time. They'll see you and then be at Tyrone's a few hours later. Can't trust anyone these days.

Sleep with them all, go no contact and then on to the next three.
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Not just uni tbh, years ago I would have said to never see multiple people at once but times change people have become more fickle (maybe not all) and put less time into things now.
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
i get the impression she is scared of falling for someone. shes pretty closed but i havent felt a spark like this in years.

i just dont want to get hung up on her.
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Do romantic stuff. Meals, walks, flowers. Not too heavy, but enough to show you really like her and can offer her commitment. It may be the gesture that she is waiting for.
 
Pawnless Endgame said:
Sad, but true. It was easier in our parents and grandparents days. Low divorce rate, everything happened earlier, and yet the highest life expectancy (especially the WW2 generation).

Nowadays, everyone is too fussy, girls play "hard to get" etc, and nothing lasts.
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Low divorce rate was almost certainly down to it being very frowned upon and nothing to do with everyone living a fairytale relationship.

People are more fussy now because there's more choice, things like POF and Tinder are literally online catalogues of available people rather than just having to settle with Jeff who was the only male of your age in the office.
 
tom_e said:
Low divorce rate was almost certainly down to it being very frowned upon and nothing to do with everyone living a fairytale relationship.

People are more fussy now because there's more choice, things like POF and Tinder are literally online catalogues of available people rather than just having to settle with Jeff who was the only male of your age in the office.
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True, although my parents and grandparents all met while at uni, so plenty of choice. In fact, Granny was actually seeing someone else before Grandad came along and so she had to make her mind up on which.

No way I could entertain work relationships. I'm in an admin block (so mostly girls). If I got together with someone in there, the whole block would know before the day was out. Then if it didn't work out, then cue the awkwardness later on.
 
I was dating three women including my fiance whilst on POF a few years ago. I did it because I found with POF you can be strung along quite a lot with women and there are a huge amount of time lost with women who probably wanted a free meal and attention. It was more of an anti time wasting thing for me rather than to see how many I could get into bed. Every now and again I logon to POF and see the same (attractive) women still there, its almost like they are destined to be there forever! I think that makes my point.

That said I made a massive error with my Mrs when I talked about her father going to football matches (it was the other girls father). Luckily she didn't catch on... It was really tiring doing it and wouldnt advise it. I did tell her all of this after a year or so of us being together, she was okay with it.
 
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