Worried about my brother and money

Maybe they are hoping he will stick around and look after them as a live in carer. They must be late 60's early 70's now?

I agree he is taking the proverbial at the moment but really its your parents decision and its up to them to move him on if they feel he is a burden. It would also do him some good to be self sufficient.

I don't think inheritance should come into it, its their money and assets to do with as they see fit until they sadly pass away. I don't think it should be used as a point of argument.
 
Cold Fusion said:
Maybe they are hoping he will stick around and look after them as a live in carer. They must be late 60's early 70's now?

I agree he is taking the proverbial at the moment but really its your parents decision and its up to them to move him on if they feel he is a burden. It would also do him some good to be self sufficient.

I don't think inheritance should come into it, its their money and assets to do with as they see fit until they sadly pass away. I don't think it should be used as a point of argument.
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Dad is 73 and mum is 67 now.

But I agree with what you say.

My parents have always been easy going but they aren't stupid. They know the current situation can't go on.

I'm going to have a chat with them soon. He needs to be given a year to get some money together for a deposit on a flat.

He has just started seeing a new girlfriend, so I'm hoping this one is a little more savy with money and will sort him out rather than just encouraging him.
 
IvanDobskey said:
I don't think he would do that. My brother is a lot of things but he's not that type.

I don't think he even thinks about next week let alone that far into the future.

He purely lives for the day. Spends what he has when he has it.
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Whether he is doing it intentionally or not, that is probably how this will end. I assume he pays them enough not to feel bad about still living with them?

How well paid is his job? You say he works hard and long hours but it it a high powered job or just low paid, long hours.
 
Does he earn enough to move out on his own (if he stopped spending it all)?

Could it be he's given up on ever having his own place so just thinks "**** it" and spends it all.

Probably best for you to talk to him and find out what his plans are but don't talk down to him or you won't get anywhere.
 
fez said:
Whether he is doing it intentionally or not, that is probably how this will end. I assume he pays them enough not to feel bad about still living with them?

How well paid is his job? You say he works hard and long hours but it it a high powered job or just low paid, long hours.
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I think he earns about 25k so not mega money by any means but enough to be self sufficient if he was actually inclined.

When I bought my house 14 years ago I was on about 16k!
 
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IvanDobskey said:
I think he earns about 25k so not mega money by any means but enough to be self sufficient if he was actually inclined.
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Hmm, thats not enough money to do anything beyond living really if he moved into his own place. What are rental price like around you like?

If he had an ounce of sense he would be using this as an opportunity to save for a mortgage. I would try and talk to him about what his plans for the future are because I think he is probably just feeling down about the fact that he hasn't progressed in life since he started working and is using these holidays as a way to distract himself and persuade himself that he is "living" life.

I am only late 20's and I have a mortgage with my missus but I constantly flit between wanting to build a good future/lifestyle in the UK and sacking it all off to travel the world and see amazing places.

On a very basic level, saving for 5 years for a deposit and not doing anything is a hard sell vs travelling to cool places lots.
 
fez said:
Hmm, thats not enough money to do anything beyond living really if he moved into his own place. What are rental price like around you like?

If he had an ounce of sense he would be using this as an opportunity to save for a mortgage. I would try and talk to him about what his plans for the future are because I think he is probably just feeling down about the fact that he hasn't progressed in life since he started working and is using these holidays as a way to distract himself and persuade himself that he is "living" life.

I am only late 20's and I have a mortgage with my missus but I constantly flit between wanting to build a good future/lifestyle in the UK and sacking it all off to travel the world and see amazing places.

On a very basic level, saving for 5 years for a deposit and not doing anything is a hard sell vs travelling to cool places lots.
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I think you've hit the nail on the head with that.

He has the perfect opportunity to save some money but just can't commit to long term saving when there is the opportunity of short term gratification in city breaks.
 
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IvanDobskey said:
Not that I know of.

I don't think he needs bailing out or anything. Just needs to learn to save some money and put it into a property.
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This is nothing to do with him saving money to buy a house. He has enough money to be renting his own place, and from there what he does with his cash is his own business.

Your parents are clearly lacking in backbone with regards to kicking him out, and have really displayed a lack of control of the situation. Your brother is also a complete wretch for inevitably realising what he is doing here, but taking the easy option and suppressing his guilt to suit his own convenience.

You have also been weak for not giving him a proper talking to and making him understand what he is doing.

If your brother is 40 and in this situation showing no development then he could have some serious psychological issues that need addressing, preferably with some counselling.
 
Richdog said:
This is nothing to do with him saving money to buy a house. He has enough money to be renting his own place, and from there what he does with his cash is his own business.

Your parents are clearly lacking in backbone with regards to kicking him out, and have really displayed a lack of control of the situation. Your brother is also a complete wretch for inevitably realising what he is doing here, but taking the easy option and suppressing his guilt to suit his own convenience.

You have also been weak for not giving him a proper talking to and making him understand what he is doing.

If your brother is 40 and in this situation showing no development then he could have some serious psychological issues that need addressing, preferably with some counselling.
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What? he could just be moderately introverted (though multiple GFs don't really suggest that) rather than any serious mental health issues.

fez said:
Hmm, thats not enough money to do anything beyond living really if he moved into his own place. What are rental price like around you like?
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Unless you are living like close to London or completely hopeless with money it perfectly possible to get a mortgage on somewhere reasonably ok and an ok standard of living plus a good holiday once a year on that. 10 years ago I did fine living in a desirable location in London on not hugely more income than that - albeit wouldn't be possible these days.
 
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Are you sure he's not got depression or something? Maybe the holidays are his way of cheering himself up seeing as he doesn't seem to care about anything else.
 
Rroff said:
What? he could just be moderately introverted (though multiple GFs don't really suggest that) rather than any serious mental health issues.
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Yeah right.

40... no girlfriend... debts... knowingly sponging off of his parents... spending all his money on city breaks... no desire to plan for the future.

That is not introverted, it sounds like he has some form of depression or similar and is avoiding facing up to reality with these constant city breaks.
 
Richdog said:
Yeah right.

40... no girlfriend... debts... knowingly sponging off of his parents... spending all his money on city breaks... no desire to plan for the future.

That is not introverted, it sounds like he has some form of depression or similar and is avoiding facing up to reality with these constant city breaks.
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Life is far more complicated than that. To put it down to must be serious mental health issues is a bit off IMO.
 
IvanDobskey said:
He has just started seeing a new girlfriend, so I'm hoping this one is a little more savy with money and will sort him out rather than just encouraging him.
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Or rather, he will splashing the cash on her instead?

a lot of strong words for your parents here, but in my mind it's mostly his fault. Anyone with a brain knows it can't go on. Or perhaps he thinks it can. My sister was always useless with money growing up, it came to a head when my Dad had moved out and point blank refused to give her any money and my Mum simply couldn't afford to.

Your parents need to do one of two things; make him pay market rate rent and set it up by direct debit. Make it clear if two payments in a row are missed he's out. Either sit him down every time a bill comes in (gas, electric etc.) and divide by 3 to make sure he pays his share.. council tax etc too. Or sit him down, show him bills and work out a third then add that onto the rent.

Or simply tell him they can't cope with him living there any more and he has to go.

The first option will be slightly easier but more liable to fall back to the old ways, the second harsher but will do him good in the long run. I'd suggest you all sit down with him so that you can support your parents. You should also make it clear to your parents that you're very angry about him taking advantage.
 
Richdog said:
This is nothing to do with him saving money to buy a house. He has enough money to be renting his own place, and from there what he does with his cash is his own business.

Your parents are clearly lacking in backbone with regards to kicking him out, and have really displayed a lack of control of the situation. Your brother is also a complete wretch for inevitably realising what he is doing here, but taking the easy option and suppressing his guilt to suit his own convenience.

You have also been weak for not giving him a proper talking to and making him understand what he is doing.

If your brother is 40 and in this situation showing no development then he could have some serious psychological issues that need addressing, preferably with some counselling.
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I wouldn't say I have been weak. I have left it to him and our parents as I feel it is between them.

But I have seen the number of city breaks rise and no attempts to save any money and now feel it is time to do something.
 
Do you know for sure he isn't saving anything? neither my siblings or parents have much/any idea as to what my savings are and I've had surprise expressed when they run into an account summary if I've left one lying about lol.
 
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