I've broken my life.

Steveocee

Steveocee

Steveocee

Soldato
Joined
5 Nov 2011
Posts
5,658
Location
Derbyshire
I've once again made a huge mess of my life and need to vent it somewhere so what better than the uninterested public of OCUK?

I'm 29, Mrs/Ex is 30 we have 3 children and 1 on the way. I have a mortgage for the house which is in my name only and I pay all of the bills (every single one). Her mother lives with us and I also divvy up the leftover cash pot as spending money for all.

3 months ago I revealed to her that I no longer felt in love with her and this led to me having to move back to my mums house into the box room.

I then went on to meet another lady whom I spent some time with but was constantly feeling like I was missing my children, I messaged said ex and went back to her and the children thinking that is what the hole in my life was.

I've now been back for 3 weeks and have had the same feelings for at least 2 weeks and have let her know that although I once again have my house back, the kids back, I just have an empty hole inside me which is not being filled with that guey romantic I'm in love feelings.

Now I'm once again being asked to leave my house, having to try and find a flat locally to my work and just genuinely feeling quite sorry for myself.

What have I done?
 
Clov!s said:
It's your house and you pay for everything and you moved out? Good logic there..
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Pregnant woman with my unborn child and 3 children, 2 of which are settled into a school that is relatively nearby.

Logically it is my house but I don't want to see my kids being any more disrupted than this already will do.
 
Four kids and you're worried about the gooey romantic feeling? That's long gone for a while I'm afraid. It's all about head down bum up boring family life for a few years.

Sometimes it's dull and boring. Should have rubbered up.
 
why would you giver her mother spending money and let her live in the house?

bet you had great intimate relations with your partner during this time.. no wonder there is a whole inside you
 
A couple of friends of mine split up last weekend, he left on Friday, she killed herself a couple of days later. You've got 3 kids and another on the way.Get a grip and sort it out.
 
first problem - mother living in the house
2nd problem - why are you paying for everything?
3rd problem - who's gunna pay for it now that you're out of your OWN house?
4th problem - you're too deep in it, 4ish kids, house etc

sounds like balls in a purse action going on..
 
Maccapacca said:
Four kids and you're worried about the gooey romantic feeling? That's long gone for a while I'm afraid. It's all about head down bum up boring family life for a few years.

Sometimes it's dull and boring. Should have rubbered up.
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This^^^^^^^^

That's what marriage is all about - romance comes and goes - key is learning to live with it and compromise.

With the number of kids you have and the fact that you DO miss them, I'd say be the bigger man and think about their lives aswell.

I came from an era where if things were broken we would fix them, not throw them away and get a new one
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And I'd recommend you don't listen to those querying why we are paying for everything - its called being a MAN! - Money is only a temporary thing, you can't take it with you when your gone and things like FAMILIES are far more important than crud like that if you ask me.

I went down a similar path and I took it as far as seeking legal advise - The solicitor was REALLY surprised I was willing to give the missus the house, the kids and ANYTHING she wanted. The way I see it, they will ALWAYS be my children and I will ALWAYS be responsible for them. Thankfully things turned around a bit and we compromised and have moved on since.

/point is - THATS MARRIAGE FOR YOU BUD! :)
 
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zoomee said:
This^^^^^^^^

That's what marriage is all about - romance comes and goes - key is learning to live with it and compromise.

With the number of kids you have and the fact that you DO miss them, I'd say be the bigger man and think about their lives aswell.



And I'd recommend you don't listen to those querying why we are paying for everything - its called being a MAN! - Money is only a temporary thing, you can't take it with you when your gone and things like FAMILIES are far more important than crud like that if you ask me.
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It's called being a doormat.
 
You should be focused on yourself and your kids.

You should NOT be getting romantic involved with anyone, be on your own and single for awhile.

Also sounds like to me you got involved with someone else, noticed the grass wasn't greener and then ran back to your ex.....not cool! Especially when you have kids and an unborn child too.
 
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Reading threads like this again makes me wonder if I'm the one who's bat **** crazy and everyone else is normal.
 
I guess ultimately you've got to break it down to the black and white and look at what your relationship really is.

IME nothing good ever comes of unhappy parents staying together for the sake of it any more than when one parent is missing from the child's life.
 
You have a child on the way and you want to feel romance again, I'm sorry but you need to man up and stop thinking of yourself and think about the children!!!!!!

I have 4 kids and no matter what happens with the wife and me there is no way I would ruin my family for my selfishness!!
 
Maccapacca said:
Four kids and you're worried about the gooey romantic feeling? That's long gone for a while I'm afraid. It's all about head down bum up boring family life for a few years.

Sometimes it's dull and boring. Should have rubbered up.
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Doesn't have to be. I've been married for 13 years and have three kids - we still have a huge spark.

I think it helps that I chose someone massively intelligent - it takes a massive amount of intelligence and determination to keep that flame ignited after the initial physical attraction wears off.
 
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New kid arriving, you should live in your own home, with your family, and romance or not, just get on with it. The amount of money you'll waste on rent would be insane.

As for giving everyone spending money, that has to stop too.
Start saving your excess money, for future options.
 
flame696 said:
You have a child on the way and you want to feel romance again, I'm sorry but you need to man up and stop thinking of yourself and think about the children!!!!!!

I have 4 kids and no matter what happens with the wife and me there is no way I would ruin my family for my selfishness!!
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So I should ignore that I'm unhappy and miserable for 18 years?
 
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