Relationship advice

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Neil79

Neil79

Neil79

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Never thought i'd make a thread like this on ocuk, but I need some advice. Basically me and my girl have been going out for nearly 7 months, and although we've had our odd moment generally it's been really nice and I love her to bits, at the end of OCT into NOV it's went badly wrong.

We had a great week few weeks back and a fantastic weekend, at least I thought, as one night she was very cold towards me and the next day although it seemed fine, it wasn't until I got home I got a rather negative text and I just couldn't understand why, can't really post the message on an open forum :p But basically she has done a complete 360 uturn in emotion and it ended up in us having a row and well we nearly broke up in our relationship. I still don't understand why she went the way she did.

Well this week we've been together, but it doesn't feel the same, she looks completely dopey in the eyes yet she keeps holding me and hugs, but it doesn't feel right. I've tried to ask what else is wrong, but she says nothing, it's ok.

But today I'm even more disappointed, even though she said if it was ok, she's gone out with an old male friend she's known for years for dinner. Now I don't want to be controlling I can't stop her, or it will make things worse now, but it seems wrong.. I'd never go out with another girl to dinner if I was in a relationship and I'm sure she wouldn't accept that. But everything I've read online says, if you do ask this or you do push it, you are not only controlling but there's no trust in the relationship. But is it right for me to be unhappy with it? Knowing that my lovely lady is sitting at a dinner table with a man in front of her... Sigh :(
 
Oh and I forgot to mention, tonight we are going out and I asked if she is still ok with it and she said yes of course.

Please note I do suffer from Aspergers so I have to be careful what I think that isn't actually there!

Rroff said:
Did she discuss it with you first before going out to dinner with an old male friend?
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Yes she did :)
 
Rroff said:
Doesn't sound like she has quite given up on the relationship yet then, does sound like she thinks you need a kick up the arse in some aspect of the relationship though :S
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In actual fact I've been the one that has been as strong as possible all the way through, as I said I can't really post everything that happened here. It was a sudden mood swing change though, a bit like PMT but much worse. You just have to trust me on this, this one was out of my hands to cause the argument, even my family are like WTF

Thanks for the replies buddy!
 
There's warning signs but it's hard to say without being there in person.

My advice would be to ask her tonight if this male friend was anything more than just friends in her past, if so I'd cut your losses.
 
As for asking her that's a tough one, and again after last week is a hard card to play. Trust would come into it
 
Neil79 said:
In actual fact I've been the one that has been as strong as possible all the way through, as I said I can't really post everything that happened here. It was a sudden mood swing change though, a bit like PMT but much worse. You just have to trust me on this, this one was out of my hands to cause the argument, even my family are like WTF

Thanks for the replies buddy!
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It might be something that you consider completely insignificant or it might be just a bump along the road.
 
Neil79 said:
As for asking her that's a tough one, and again after last week is a hard card to play. Trust would come into it
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I know it's difficult with Aspergers but you need to be prepared to ask questions in a relationship you might not like the answer to, better to find out now than to drag things out.
 
To me it sounds as if you've probably said something hurtful/upsetting/awkward that you wouldn't even think twice about being an issue but that really upset her - hence the off attitude etc. This can be a hard enough minefield to navigate at the best of times, nevermind throwing conditions like Aspergers into the mix.

The meal with a friend is a complete non-issue, people in healthy relationships are allowed and able to maintain friendships with other people. I have no issue with my other half seeing old male friends and she has no issue with me meeting up with old female friends. Seeing friends is normal.

If you're going to start asking questions about who he was, you may as well not bother and just bin the relationship now, you obviously have zero trust in her so what's the point?
 
Just go along with it all and see what happens, if she mucks you about too much you won't like her in the end anyway.
 
The 'male friend' is likely going out for dinner with her for one reason only. Were you not given an invite - why do they need to go out to dinner alone? Seems a bit odd.
 
Find out where the male friend lives and..........

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+ poop! :D

I wouldn't have it myself, if she was going out for a drink with a few friends male and female not a problem.

But a single male + female + meal + alcohol = Pasty time. :p

7 months in a relationship is nothing so I would be suspect as hell.

Time to get on tinder me thinks or grinder if you fed up of women. :eek:

I would take a back seat and see what happens, get into the mind set that it wont last. ;)
 
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