I've broken my life.
- Thread starter Steveocee
- Start date
No point staying together just for the kids sake, as heartbreaking as it may seem being happy apart is better than being miserable together.
I must say what others have though, mother in law living with you and freeloading seems to be a recipe for disaster.
Technically you could kick them all out and keep the kids with you, you'll have proof you've paid for everything.
Other than that you sell up, divvy the Money between you and ex and cone to an agreement about visiting arrangements.
A very awkward situation to be in but my first port of call would be to kick out the mother in law.
I must say what others have though, mother in law living with you and freeloading seems to be a recipe for disaster.
Technically you could kick them all out and keep the kids with you, you'll have proof you've paid for everything.
Other than that you sell up, divvy the Money between you and ex and cone to an agreement about visiting arrangements.
A very awkward situation to be in but my first port of call would be to kick out the mother in law.
Deleted member 651465
Deleted member 651465
Being brutally honest, you've been whipped.
If you didn't want anymore children then you should have told her in no uncertain terms. Her claims of surrogacy should have been thrown out as nonsense and the fact you're paying for bills + spending money for her and your mother-in-law is lunacy. I wish you all the best, but it's a bit late for the "putting the foot down" move. Think of it from her point of view... you've been together for 18 years and now want drastic changes. I'd be thinking "all mouth and no action", given the past history.
Contact a solicitor (who will likely tell you, that you're boned) and sit down with her and speak about a plan for the future. If you are truly not in love then move out, pay child maintenance and forget ever having money until all children are 16+. Oh, and she'll have a house paid for, whilst you rent
If you didn't want anymore children then you should have told her in no uncertain terms. Her claims of surrogacy should have been thrown out as nonsense and the fact you're paying for bills + spending money for her and your mother-in-law is lunacy. I wish you all the best, but it's a bit late for the "putting the foot down" move. Think of it from her point of view... you've been together for 18 years and now want drastic changes. I'd be thinking "all mouth and no action", given the past history.
Contact a solicitor (who will likely tell you, that you're boned) and sit down with her and speak about a plan for the future. If you are truly not in love then move out, pay child maintenance and forget ever having money until all children are 16+. Oh, and she'll have a house paid for, whilst you rent
Having 4 kids was always going to be a challenge to the romantic side of your relationship surely?
At 29 you are at a crux point, I nearly sacked in my relationship around that age. I stuck it out and ended up marrying the person and our relationship is now stronger than ever and I cannot believe I nearly lost the most amazing woman I have ever met.
In todays society you are young to have so many children. There are a lot of distractions out there and it is tough not to think the grass will be greener. By the time you are 35 you might be thinking differently. If you genuinely have no love for her then you should get out of the way.
First step get legal advice, good luck it can't be an easy decision.
At 29 you are at a crux point, I nearly sacked in my relationship around that age. I stuck it out and ended up marrying the person and our relationship is now stronger than ever and I cannot believe I nearly lost the most amazing woman I have ever met.
In todays society you are young to have so many children. There are a lot of distractions out there and it is tough not to think the grass will be greener. By the time you are 35 you might be thinking differently. If you genuinely have no love for her then you should get out of the way.
First step get legal advice, good luck it can't be an easy decision.
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Soldato
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- 12 Dec 2002
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I have nothing of value to add other than I'm 29 and I'm so happy I decided to not to listen to everyone trying to pressure me into having kids with my girlfriend of 8 years her included, she just turned out to be a sponge.
You've made your decision mate, honestly, how about you and your misses put ya kids feelings before your own and just get on with it for their sake, I was 8 when my parents split up, "oh you don't love mum/dad no more na, so go and bang some other bird/bloke and be happy while while the dad or mum I love I dont get to see for 2 weeks"
Don't be a selfish ****.
Edit: spending money for your mother-in-law... wow.
You've made your decision mate, honestly, how about you and your misses put ya kids feelings before your own and just get on with it for their sake, I was 8 when my parents split up, "oh you don't love mum/dad no more na, so go and bang some other bird/bloke and be happy while while the dad or mum I love I dont get to see for 2 weeks"
Don't be a selfish ****.
Edit: spending money for your mother-in-law... wow.
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Associate
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- 22 Sep 2012
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- 664
Why the hell is her mother there?
Jeez, women have it easy. Women can be absolute bums but still land on a bloke who's willing to put HER and HER MOTHER up RENT FREE and BILL FREE. If you're a bum as a man.......you're just a bum. Aint no woman gonna come wipe your ass for you.
Jeez, women have it easy. Women can be absolute bums but still land on a bloke who's willing to put HER and HER MOTHER up RENT FREE and BILL FREE. If you're a bum as a man.......you're just a bum. Aint no woman gonna come wipe your ass for you.
Important thing is for the kids to have a stable (and loving) environment where there is a degree of predictability - what is damaging is when there is uncertainty and the parents are at each other whether that is all out arguments or straight up leaving, etc. or staying together with passive indifference or something like that - a lot of kids will pickup on both and both can be just as damaging. Sadly seems way too many parents can't act like adults (atleast where it affects the kids) when it comes to splitting up.
Soldato
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- 12 Dec 2002
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It was a stable and loving enough relationship within the last 9 months is what I was getting at (quite obviously wasn't).
Personally OP sounds like someone who has been walked all over and is about to really find out how how badly his ex partner and her mum are going to turn him inside out.
I don't have much sympathy for the OP because he has got him self into this situation, aside from having another child on the way (what the relationship was perfect then?) what the hell is he doing supporting everyone? Why are they not contributing and why is her mum living there, there is no excuse for it.
Having 3 kids and one one the way must be stressful enough, let alone having the mother of your misses living rent free and spending your money on ****, I bet very very little has gone his way in a long time! I'd be getting in from work and packing her bags and telling her to do one.... but who's ya GF gonna choose, you or her own mother, you're up the creek mate.
You are gonna lose your house, you'll be still paying your mortgage, she will probably be claiming half it back via housing benefit (just happened to a mate of mine) because you are too blind to see she's skinning you alive, and her mum well... I bet you'd rather be in her position right now, her biggest problem is she might have to sign on.
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Yeah they know when they got it good :S
Was potentially a hair away from ending up like the OP at one point - its easy to believe you are in love with someone when you enjoy a few things in common, etc. and gloss over the negative signs :S
Soldato
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I was in a very similar situation too, was with my ex for 8 years, about 4 months after moving in with me both her parents moved away. I loved her but felt obliged to look after her as she would have nowhere to go after about 6 years when things started to go sour. I wasted another 2 years trying to make things better but that (in my case and a few of my divorced or now single mates) usually means bending over backwards for what they want rather than what might help. I still own every penny of my house, and have no child support to pay... however I'm nearly 30 and single which isn't perfect when you would like to have children... but it could be worse
Either way you're doing the right thing by supporting her and your children regardless of if you're together or not, for the kids. People saying you're a doormat for doing it must be GD trolls to think it's wrong. She didn't mess up the relationship so why should she and your children suffer, she most likely still loves you (guessing from what you've written about the breakup).
A woman who says she'll go out and sleep with someone else if you don't get her pregnant has contributed quite a bit to them breaking up, I'll assume this wasn't an isolated comment and is probably indicative of her personality in general
Quite a few things in this thread have cropped up continuously.
Yes I have been a doormat
Yes I have obliterated my life
Yes I was wrong to continue having children with my ex
Yes I was wrong to move the MiL in
It's given a mass opinion to what I was already thinking to myself. there have been some funny and interesting responses.
Thank you to the people who gave positive and cheerful responses also.
I put it to her about her mother moving out and this went as expected but I feel there was acceptance it will happen either way and whilst both I and the ex are quite aware I can walk back in at any point, I don't think this would be a good thing for the children to see or go through.
For now I'm still at my mums, I've been given until Friday to decide if I want to go back and try again or call it completely quits. If it's complete quits then I have no idea how it would proceed.
If I went back and we tried to make it work technically I wouldnt go back as she is asking me to stay at my mums and go to both relationship counselling and a doctor myself to be checked for depression.
I'm not sure if I'm depressed or more relieved to be out of the situation right now.
Yes I have been a doormat
Yes I have obliterated my life
Yes I was wrong to continue having children with my ex
Yes I was wrong to move the MiL in
It's given a mass opinion to what I was already thinking to myself. there have been some funny and interesting responses.
Thank you to the people who gave positive and cheerful responses also.
I put it to her about her mother moving out and this went as expected but I feel there was acceptance it will happen either way and whilst both I and the ex are quite aware I can walk back in at any point, I don't think this would be a good thing for the children to see or go through.
For now I'm still at my mums, I've been given until Friday to decide if I want to go back and try again or call it completely quits. If it's complete quits then I have no idea how it would proceed.
If I went back and we tried to make it work technically I wouldnt go back as she is asking me to stay at my mums and go to both relationship counselling and a doctor myself to be checked for depression.
I'm not sure if I'm depressed or more relieved to be out of the situation right now.
This should all be on your terms not hers, stop letting this scrounger tell you what you can do and dictate whether you can even go in your own ****ing house.
I don't want the kids to witness anything more than they already have though.
Plus side I've been to look at 2 flats and looking at another tomorrow.
Only going trying again and going to counselling "may" begin to fix things and that's a "may".
I'm really not naive enough to think saying everything will be fine and sticking my head in the sand will do anything.