I've broken my life.

Steveocee said:
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If I went back and we tried to make it work technically I wouldnt go back as she is asking me to stay at my mums and go to both relationship counselling and a doctor myself to be checked for depression.

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I think the first point is unreasonable but I don't think either of the latter points are unreasonable. Unless you're viewing this as a hard stop in your relationship, making counselling expensive and a waste of time.

I'm not sure if I'm depressed or more relieved to be out of the situation right now.
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Making a decision is the easy part. Working through the consequences is probably a tougher call, for both good and bad.
 
Maccapacca said:
Four kids and you're worried about the gooey romantic feeling? That's long gone for a while I'm afraid. It's all about head down bum up boring family life for a few years.

Sometimes it's dull and boring. Should have rubbered up.
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But of a grim view but partly true.

When we had two (very) young ones we went through a tough spell of slogging as the kids come first but they grow up and ppportunities present themselves to rekindle the "spark" again. We're probably stronger than ever having gone through the tough times and now have a more genuine appreciation of each other and the time we spend together.

Getting 4 kids though you have to expect things to be tough, either that or you were/are incredibly naive and believe too much of what you see on the Hollywood films!

Good luck anyway OP.

Edit: I didn't notice how long the thread was, I posted this on the basis of first page so may have missed something key! :p
 
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I feel for you I do.

The Jeremy Kyle response... "Why didn't you put something on the end of it then?" But in all sincerity I feel for you.

I think you do need to look at the important side of things and at this stage, that is the children. I think you are doing the right thing in moving out for now. What I would question is how can your ex partner support the family? You need to step back for a bit. Get yourself back together. Your life isn't over. It's a new chapter and it's a modern day situation. It sounds as if you are relatively well off financially and this will help. Start having discussions over what you will contribute towards the children. Keep the focus on the children. If you continue to pay for the house then you need to consider; is it for you or the children. If it is for the children then you need to factor that into the child support payments. I genuinely wish you good luck. It sounds like you have fallen hard. But you can pick yourself up and you need to, for the children.
 
Steveocee said:
Only going trying again and going to counselling "may" begin to fix things and that's a "may".

I'm really not naive enough to think saying everything will be fine and sticking my head in the sand will do anything.
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Sounds to me you have made your mind up but your missis is willing to make a go of it, especially if she is actually going to let you kick the MiL out - for most people a "may" is a good enough chance to take but if you want to go then just do it and stop faffing about
 
if you are going to give it a go - then go for it - move in and try to make it work. 100% in or 100% out - that stuff in the middle is just going to delay it all and I pity the kids
 
Kids aren't stupid and pick up on anything that's not right between parents. I speak from experience.

I was much happier being brought up by my single parent dad than I would have beem with them staying together and continuing to argue and smash the place up. Just sayin'

Your kids must come first and any arrangement you make has to take their needs into account.
 
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You're 29 have 4 kids and own a house (family home for the kids) no your life is not broken.... sure you have relationship problems but thats life...some people would kill to be in your position. Come back to me when you are 40+ and living a trainwreck of a life then maybe...
 
I love all the people just posting what he has the right to do, which is very often different to what is right to do. Because he doesn't do what he has the right to, he's a doormat... :rolleyes:
 
Wow, the OP's life is a stark warning as to the dangers of settling down too early and then making a series of catastrophically naieve life decisions. I mean seriously, wtf to having more children, and when does common sense kick in? I have zero sympathy for that level of irresponsibility.

As others have said, your priorities should now be getting rid of MIL from your home and then safeguarding your assets. Going back to "try and make it work" is no less a stupid decision than any of the others you have taken. You don't love her, you are miserable, the relationship and 'old life' is over, deal with it and focus all your energies towards creating a stable 'new life' for your kids.
 
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