Accidental Innuendos
- Thread starter CaptainComedy
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I don't have kids myself but my brother does and he calls her in a childish tone.
That's what I refer to...
Calling little 1 year old Derick in a serious tone seems strange
That's what I refer to...
Calling little 1 year old Derick in a serious tone seems strange
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Soldato
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More like Wing Commander, or Inverted Wing Commander 
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So nobody else get these moments?
No embarrassing stories?
No embarrassing stories?
You call each other baby. Are you in year 8?
Oh and...it's In Your End...O
now, if you'd cut yourself shaving and she'd said "That's a nasty gash" and you'd said "look who's talking", then you would have received a LOL.
#threadsaved.....you're welcome
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Yeah my gf does this all the time. I've even started cataloging my favourites on my fb page.
"Dev you got me all wet! " stuff like that.
Associate
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- Oh Canada!
His girlfriend was insinuating that her mother would think her bf had been performing oral sex on her while she was menstruating hence his bloody face.
HTH
Soldato
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Rules to live by:
1) Never fiddle a knob in a physics laboratory, or ask for this to be done.
2) Push is better than thrust.
3) Your body is never ready.
4) Penis butter is probably not the sort of Freudian spread you want on your sandwich.
5) "Poo it through the letter box" is rarely the thing to say to your postman.
6) Smash or eat it, pasty could get you in trouble, even if it's Cornish.
7) "Want a quickie..." really needs another noun on most social occasions.
8) You probably don't want to teach anyone's grandmother to suck anything.
9) Scat is not a jazz performance with one's mouth to most people, so you're most certainly not a Scatman.
10) If a person is wearing anything made of reptile skin -- for the love of god -- do not mention anything to do with lizards or sleeves.
11) Rogering is not acknowledging, no matter how many times you forget your conjugations.
12) Your "little pot of joy" should probably be called a teapot.
13) Never refer to the state of a biscuit soaked in tea in earshot of a military man.
14) "So where'd you catch your crabs?" is a barbaric way to chat up a fellow fisherman.
15) You may have arrived prematurely, but a true gentleman never airs such dirty laundry in public.
16) Do not sing "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" in front of adolescents and children.
17) Apply rule 16 to introducing the latest scientific literature on the planet Uranus, or the mythology of ancient Greek references to the sky.
18) The great annals of history are best spellchecked.
19) If you nibble on the tip (of a pencil), remain silent forever or ready yourself for unwanted sexual advances.
20) When asking your spouse to put her finger in it, meaning her wedding ring, avoid saying so with your back to her and a stranger in front of you; if the words are out, avoid eye contact until the stranger leaves.
21) When walking the dog on the moors with a male companion in foul weather, do not communicate its general state of appearance as dirty, filthy or slimy in the presence of other walkers; strangers may not fully appreciate the target of your utterance.
22) If your accent mangles the proclamation of your Christian **** -- by Jove! -- get elocution lessons!
23) Likewise, when drunk in a pub, avoid slurring the word "pint" or face the landlady's righteous fury.
24) In debate, avoid badly imitating a rooster to taunt your opponent; if remaking upon a magnificent specimen of this bird, as in "What a ****!!!" avoid the temptation of using its common four letter name, no matter how rural your origin.
25) Do not scream for your cream; ask nicely.
26) You may have remembered your pees and queues, but please refrain from taking this as a direct instruction: urination followed by queuing is not the British way!
27) One never 'bangs around' in the bedroom, one does 'DIY'.
28) Never be ****-a-hoop at anything.
29) After besting your foe naked, do not then approach a police constable with "I showed him good!"
30) Excited sentences starting with "Oh are" are best avoided in the company of beautiful women -- your remarks may be mistaken for rank vulgarity; same applies to the word "power" if you received a public education and tend to draw out your vowels.
31) If you "have flashed a few things" in front of someone at work, avoid communicating directly with your supervisor about the event -- stall with metaphor until the request for information is deflected to other things.
32) Do not let the Prime Minister to Slough anywhere near your Winchester.
Fret not, GD! I've come with my coat already on!
1) Never fiddle a knob in a physics laboratory, or ask for this to be done.
2) Push is better than thrust.
3) Your body is never ready.
4) Penis butter is probably not the sort of Freudian spread you want on your sandwich.
5) "Poo it through the letter box" is rarely the thing to say to your postman.
6) Smash or eat it, pasty could get you in trouble, even if it's Cornish.
7) "Want a quickie..." really needs another noun on most social occasions.
8) You probably don't want to teach anyone's grandmother to suck anything.
9) Scat is not a jazz performance with one's mouth to most people, so you're most certainly not a Scatman.
10) If a person is wearing anything made of reptile skin -- for the love of god -- do not mention anything to do with lizards or sleeves.
11) Rogering is not acknowledging, no matter how many times you forget your conjugations.
12) Your "little pot of joy" should probably be called a teapot.
13) Never refer to the state of a biscuit soaked in tea in earshot of a military man.
14) "So where'd you catch your crabs?" is a barbaric way to chat up a fellow fisherman.
15) You may have arrived prematurely, but a true gentleman never airs such dirty laundry in public.
16) Do not sing "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" in front of adolescents and children.
17) Apply rule 16 to introducing the latest scientific literature on the planet Uranus, or the mythology of ancient Greek references to the sky.
18) The great annals of history are best spellchecked.
19) If you nibble on the tip (of a pencil), remain silent forever or ready yourself for unwanted sexual advances.
20) When asking your spouse to put her finger in it, meaning her wedding ring, avoid saying so with your back to her and a stranger in front of you; if the words are out, avoid eye contact until the stranger leaves.
21) When walking the dog on the moors with a male companion in foul weather, do not communicate its general state of appearance as dirty, filthy or slimy in the presence of other walkers; strangers may not fully appreciate the target of your utterance.
22) If your accent mangles the proclamation of your Christian **** -- by Jove! -- get elocution lessons!
23) Likewise, when drunk in a pub, avoid slurring the word "pint" or face the landlady's righteous fury.
24) In debate, avoid badly imitating a rooster to taunt your opponent; if remaking upon a magnificent specimen of this bird, as in "What a ****!!!" avoid the temptation of using its common four letter name, no matter how rural your origin.
25) Do not scream for your cream; ask nicely.
26) You may have remembered your pees and queues, but please refrain from taking this as a direct instruction: urination followed by queuing is not the British way!
27) One never 'bangs around' in the bedroom, one does 'DIY'.
28) Never be ****-a-hoop at anything.
29) After besting your foe naked, do not then approach a police constable with "I showed him good!"
30) Excited sentences starting with "Oh are" are best avoided in the company of beautiful women -- your remarks may be mistaken for rank vulgarity; same applies to the word "power" if you received a public education and tend to draw out your vowels.
31) If you "have flashed a few things" in front of someone at work, avoid communicating directly with your supervisor about the event -- stall with metaphor until the request for information is deflected to other things.
32) Do not let the Prime Minister to Slough anywhere near your Winchester.
Fret not, GD! I've come with my coat already on!
Soldato
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- 27 Jan 2012
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- The king of the north!
So basically op made a thread so we know he has a gf??
Soldato
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- 1 Mar 2010
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- 6,316
But cannot have sex without comments being made about his bloodied face afterwards. It all makes sense! The dots connect!
A hot (need pics to confirm) Romanian gf.
Air stewardess won at innuendo on a British Airways flight my brother was on from New York to London.
They had asked for all the window shades to be raised for landing. The guy sitting next to my brother was having trouble raising the shade over his window. Stewardess comes over and with a completely straight face and well spoken English accent says "Would you like me to help you... get it up, sir?" complete with pause for comic effect.
Probably not the first time she's used the line, but very good nonetheless.
They had asked for all the window shades to be raised for landing. The guy sitting next to my brother was having trouble raising the shade over his window. Stewardess comes over and with a completely straight face and well spoken English accent says "Would you like me to help you... get it up, sir?" complete with pause for comic effect.
Probably not the first time she's used the line, but very good nonetheless.