Any unusual police stories?

OldBobby

OldBobby

OldBobby

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29 Oct 2014
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Staines, almost on-Thames
Hi chaps, I'm gathering up a collection of strange, unusual, embarrassing, quirky tales about the emergency services in days gone by. I'm an ex boy in blue myself. I thought I'd ask here if anyone has anything they would happily share. Depending on the variety I receive from different sources, I might publish or blog, anonymously of course, in due course.

I have asked on specific service forums but surprisingly they aren't good sources for honest admissions. They don't have to be personal recollections - sightings or stories will do too. Anything goes... comical, awkward, toilet humour, etc.

Contributions welcomed.
 
I'll add one of my own. Lots of the comical and most unusual things I saw took place during transport activities and occasionally at court. One day we had a fairly new constable go to the magistrates courts and these were the days when police presented the cases themselves, often without lawyers. This particular officer was well chuffed that the case had gone well and that he had successfully presented it all by himself. At the end of the session, the court clerk told him that the magistrates wanted to see him in their room - which in itself seems remarkable nowadays. When he presented himself in their room expecting some congratulations, the lady chairman of the bench asked him if he could take one of his shoes off! He did so and revealed a plain white sock - with the haughty magistrate saying, "We thought that's what we saw. Next time you appear in front of us please don't look as if you are on a night out at the Roxy!"
 
When I was in my early 20's me and 4 mates had just got back into our home town after a heavy drinking session. We got dropped off on the main road through our town near the speed camera. We decided to drunkenly try to set the camera off by running past it and swinging our jumpers towards it. We saw a car in the distance and someone said something along the lines of "Do loads of random stuff", so I was shadow boxing the speed camera pole with my top off, one of my friends was dancing like he was on ketamine and the other three were pretending to participate in a 'bumming conga line'. Turns out it was a police car (we still hadn't clocked on) car roles up, window winds down slowly.... "Think it's about time you went home lads". "Yeah it probably is". Off he went and off we went laughing hard.

My friend also nearly got bit by a police dog for trying to hug it hahahaha.
 
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After being pulled for speeding quite a few years ago, the officer & myself continued to have a long chat about performance cars lasting a good 45 mins.
Didn't let me off the charge though ;)

few years later, a similar incident occurred & the officer not only let me off after a few words but offered to buy the car I was driving at the time.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
They're called land sharks for a good reason.
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I won't tell the fully story here but I have vivid recollections of a ravenous police dog, drooling at the jowls and looking like something out of the Hounds of the Baskervilles ... and a young probationer police constable clinging on precariously halfway up a tree!!!

Oh, what pranks were played!
 
This was only a few years ago when i was a teen, but i was in a secluded area in the back of my car with my then girlfriend... We were *ahem* not wearing our clothes shall we say, and in the heat of the moment I suddenly became aware of a car outside mine. We stopped dead and stayed silent...

And then they flashed the blue lights and an officer stepped out of the car and shone a torch through the window... My heart stopped, then he tapped on the window and imstructed me to open it. I chucked a blanket over the ladyfriend and managed to half pull my trousers om, before he tapped the window and said he'd "put it in" if i didnt open it... I scrabbled for the h
andle and wound it down a crack, he shone his torch in and i was sat there, knackers on full display, and he said "What do you think youre doing?" I just fumbled my words and made a noise, and he said "I'll tell you what youre doing, youre putting your clothes on and leaving the area" and that was the end of that...

I saw the officer a few days later in town, was a bit of a two-way double take and he smirked slightly...

Thats about my only funny Police story.

It isn't exactly funny, but I once passed an unmarked Police car on the M27 at about 1AM at about 100MPH, they sped up next to me, I looked over, they shook their finger at me and witnessed my heart sink through the floor and panic flood my face, and I slowed down to the speed limit. That seemed to be good enough for them because they didn't pull me over...
 
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Yes my favourite one is the one where they were searching everyone, I mean EVERYONE entering our sixth form college back in 2009/10.

There were absolute **** loads of drugs and weapons at our college, and every "criminal" managed to get their contraband onto the premises absolutely unhindered that day. They found absolutely nothing, yet I'm sure at least 250+ students got their stashes through NO PROBLEM.

They forgot there was 2 miles of perimeter fencing lol. I mean people were passing drugs through just METRES away from their pointless checkpoint.

The police were a laughing stock of the day, even among teachers. 3000 people will always wonder what their actual motive was that day. Back then we thought they just wanted to find out the most popular sanitary product in girls purses. This was however completely unsubstantiated and their motive still remains a mystery to this day.

I mean the only thing they accomplished that day was disruption to 3000 people's learning and scores of very annoyed teachers.
 
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That must have been some logistical operation for the 250+ people to get their stashes through. Did they pay the people on the other side?
 
Em3bbs said:
That must have been some logistical operation for the 250+ people to get their stashes through. Did they pay the people on the other side?
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It's not that difficult. Humans help each other out. If there are several weed smokers, one would hold the stash while everyone goes through through checkpoint, meet at the fence, give everyone's drugs back, and walk through himself.

Also no need for money, money is how the elite keep slaves happy and everyone fighting over it, ghetto youths unite when it comes to police and external threats, even girls and people with no criminal intent. Half the college probably hated the police anyway and would just look for excuses to help out their local community.
 
Off duty copper and a traffic warden colluded together to say i pushed the warden. When it got to court the accusation got thrown out as they forgot that the warden was wearing a camera! It proved that i did not go anywhere near the lying warden!! lol (I still got done for harassment though!
 
koolpc said:
Off duty copper and a traffic warden colluded together to say i pushed the warden. When it got to court the accusation got thrown out as they forgot that the warden was wearing a camera! It proved that i did not go anywhere near the lying warden!! lol (I still got done for harassment though!
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Did anything happen to them for abusing their position and lying?
 
Illusion said:
Did anything happen to them for abusing their position and lying?
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No idea. I was just glad to get off with just a fine but since then i have been told i should have fought it harder and not rolled over and taken my solicitors advice.
 
Another one which caused much hilarity at the time was the occasion an off-duty officer, who was driving his much-prized but best-described 'old banger' of a car, happened to see a uniformed colleague walking back to the nick. He stopped and offered the, shall we say extremely heavy and rotund officer a lift, which he gratefully accepted. As he clambered into the back seat there was a loud snap and crunching sound which alarmed the driver. However, he was assured by his passenger that the noise had come from a creaking seat.

On eventually getting home, the driver was still concerned about the mini-explosion which seemed to have occurred in the back of the car earlier and when he went to investigate he discovered that the seat was undamaged and still intact - but the floor wasn't. In fact, there wasn't a floor!! The overweight officer had somehow managed to plant his size 12 feet right though the floor of the car, giving a perfect view of the tarmac from inside the vehicle.

I won't describe the verbal exchange when the two next met up!!
 
I used to have a lot of Copper mates from around the Burton, Lichfield and Rugeley areas because of my rock bands. We got invited to play at a lot of Police parties and me and one of my band members used to knock around with several of them.
This one night we were leaving JCB at Rocester and I was behind my band mate Paul. A car got close behind me, and this police car overtook with the passenger window rolling down and copper Dave who put his fingers to his mouth telling me to keep quiet. On go the Blues & Twos and they pull my mate Paul over.
The driver got out who I didn't recognise but eventually became a mate and he accused Paul of smashing things up in the JCB Rocester dressing room.
My mate ended up going over the top with his innocence even falling to his knees a couple of times with me playing along. I kept trying to calm him down but the copper was laying it on thicker and then saying 'My colleague in the car knows more' but Paul wasn't interested.
Eventually Dave got out of the passenger seat and Paul hit the deck again completely worn out from his protests.

Paul bided his time and a few months later we were playing at a Police Presentation do with some top brass there. Paul and Dave had been on a boating holiday together dressed as Pirates and other fancy dress costumes so Paul had laid out photos everywhere on the tables. the top brass found it funny.
 
It was back in 2003, Godskitchen's final event at their "Code" venue before the venue closed for a refit (and later reopened as "Air").

So left the venue around 04:00, begun walking back up to New Street station. Still in Digbeth, I passed a police car where there were 2 officers interviewing 4 guys. Suddenly I was tackled to the ground and man-handled over the bonnet of their car. The sort of thing you'd see in a Youtube recording of the American police, not UK police. The officers asked the guys something (inaudible) and the guys responded (again inaudible as I'm hard of hearing), then I was let go. I asked the officer what's going on? They blanked that question and simply said "you're free to go!" Not sure if I should have retrospectively complained, but I guess they had their reasons. Maybe the 4 guys got into a fight or something.
 
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