Adoption prioritised based on race/culture - is this not a bit outdated?

BigDannyO said:
Gender of couples can be taken into account in some circumstances, but not in the way you'd expect. For example, if a child was subject to significant abuse by a man, it may be the case that the social worker would give preference to a lesbian couple as the intimate exposure to a male parent might be considered detrimental to their development.
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Wouldn't that raise them to just be wary of all males? Surely they need a positive male role-model to counter-balance the negatives they experienced?
 
It wouldn't mean to isolate them from any exposure to men for the rest of their lives. But it would be more beneficial for them to not have the intimate contact that being the parent of a baby requires.

A positive male role model could come in the form of an uncle or grandfather, with carefully managed levels of contact that could be increased as they became more comfortable and confident.
 
I think social workers over think things and someone with some common bloody sense would do a better job, political correctness and fear of being branded some *cist affecting their careers aside.
 
Chris Wilson said:
Funny you should say that Bassman, for whatever reason I know quite a lot of people who were adopted and nearly as many adopters who in hindsight look back with some regret. Two adopted children were local to me, adopted by unrelated families, but who became friends. As young 20 odd year adults one burgled his parents home, cleverly and maliciously framing the cleaner, and the other robbed his parents pub over a period of time, causing three different members of staff to be investigated, again, he cleverly tried to frame innocents for his own pilfering. Stupidity got him in the end when he staged a "break in" by smashing the pub door glass before ransacking the tills and the stock when his parents were away. Most burglars smash the glass from the outside though.... Both sets of adopters were left stigmatised and traumatised as they both offered dream homes to these two barstewards.
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Doesn't surprise me. But these two kids were also offered a nice life lots of holidays to places like New York, Florida but once they hit there teens they just went off the rails getting involved in drugs and gangs. The older one is now in his 30s ans has multiple kids from multiple mothers and can't hold a job down. The adoptive mother can't stand him. The younger one is late 20s and is still on ok terms with the parents but he has certainly had his fair share of bad moments, I remember many times going round to there house in my my childhood and teens and certainly as he got older he took the ****, very cocky and sarcastic towards the parents, never holding a job down. I could go in but you get the idea. The idea kf mixing race is a no no to me, why add fuel to the fire?
 
reflux said:
Having spoken to a social worker I know, this is the general guidance amongst local authorities and councils. It might make you sick but the evidence they have available shows that children develop better and have a more grounded understanding of their identity when they are raised with parents who share their heritage. It is not racist or discriminatory. The media seems to be trying to turn it into that unfortunately.

There is actually nothing stopping this couple from going to a different local authority and applying to adopt a child there instead.
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Apparently the issues is not that they can't adopt a white kid, the issue is they aren't even allowed to put their name on the adoption list in the first place.

Apparently they have also ended up looking into adopting from the US instead.
 
Bassmansam said:
Doesn't surprise me. But these two kids were also offered a nice life lots of holidays to places like New York, Florida but once they hit there teens they just went off the rails getting involved in drugs and gangs. The older one is now in his 30s ans has multiple kids from multiple mothers and can't hold a job down. The adoptive mother can't stand him. The younger one is late 20s and is still on ok terms with the parents but he has certainly had his fair share of bad moments, I remember many times going round to there house in my my childhood and teens and certainly as he got older he took the ****, very cocky and sarcastic towards the parents, never holding a job down. I could go in but you get the idea. The idea kf mixing race is a no no to me, why add fuel to the fire?
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What would have stopped them turning out like they are, in your opinion?
 
Chris Wilson said:
I think social workers over think things and someone with some common bloody sense would do a better job, political correctness and fear of being branded some *cist affecting their careers aside.
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So what's your alternative? You can't just hand a child out to anyone who fancies taking it. I think your description of social workers is unfair and comes from a position of ignorance.
 
Bassmansam said:
I don't know i am just highlighting an adoption case gone wrong. As i said i am sure they don't all turn out that way.
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Thats one way to look at it, the other is the parents got them to adulthood, gave them what they could. Plenty of loving biological parents fail and fail harder too, not everything turns out gr8 with an easy answer as to why ;(
 
LeMson said:
Thats one way to look at it, the other is the parents got them to adulthood, gave them what they could. Plenty of loving biological parents fail and fail harder too, not everything turns out gr8 with an easy answer as to why ;(
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Yea true. I think the kids were very ungrateful to be honest , the parents had paved the way for them to have a nice life only to see it thrown back in there faces. I know both of them have been frustrated because they have wanted to find their biological parents. Its a tough situation to be in on both sides really.
 
BigDannyO said:
So what's your alternative? You can't just hand a child out to anyone who fancies taking it. I think your description of social workers is unfair and comes from a position of ignorance.
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There's a very, very large leap from saying race shouldn't prevent adopting a given child and saying that children should be handed out to just anyone who fancies taking it.

A huge leap, in fact.
 
h4rm0ny said:
There's a very, very large leap from saying race shouldn't prevent adopting a given child and saying that children should be handed out to just anyone who fancies taking it.

A huge leap, in fact.
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I've given the reason why it's done. Perhaps you could explain why it's not necessary?
 
It's been a VERY long time since I posted here but I still pop in for a quick read every now and again.

Having come across this thread I had to post as the amount of ignorance with regards to adoption in this thread is pretty high. I don't blame anybody, I would probably have thought the same before going through the process myself.

The majority of adopted children have had a VERY hard time. Things you can't even begin to imagine and stories that bring you to tears. Sitting in a room full of adults, all with tears running down their cheeks is not something you see often until you've been through and adoption course.

Social services need to do ALL that they can to mitigate any future issues and make the new life for the adopted child as normal as it can possibly be. If that means keeping a child within their own race/heritage/area of country/whatever then so be it. This isn't about racism, this about doing 100% what is best for the child involved...as a parent you take second place in the whole scenario and you VERY quickly get used to that as decisions are made all with that one special little person in mind.

I feel for the Sikh couple involved, but they should understand, and have probably had explained to them, that the child comes first and not them.
 
Desmo said:
I feel for the Sikh couple involved, but they should understand, and have probably had explained to them, that the child comes first and not them.
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Sorry, I mean I guess you've got a lot more experience in this area than me, but I don't quite understand why this is such a sensitive area? What are the issues in this case that you're trying to mitigate, if we're talking about a baby or toddler?

I can maybe understand a drastically different culture - I'm going to be rather crude here but if you'll excuse the slightly un-PC description the guy isn't exactly wearing a turban, has a middle class English accent, is a pretty light skinned British Indian and declares that they consider themselves to be British. I mean I see them as a fairly typical British middle class suburban couple! If they agreed to not raise the baby in any religion would that change things in your option or is the skin colour mismatch between them and the potential baby really a big issue?
 
Just to put perspective on my comments my sister and her wife have been trying to adopt for many years now and their are so many reasons you can be refused.....

It's funny a man and woman can bring a child into a world of slums and unemployment but to adopt every little detail is scrutinized, rightly so too.
 
Lakeland said:
I was suggesting that if we don't discriminate against gay parents why discriminate against racial differences? The parent's background is irrelevant imo and it should be based on how stable the people are.
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then why say you don't see the problem with them discriminating when you say it's a problem that's what confused me
 
dowie said:
is the skin colour mismatch between them and the potential baby really a big issue?
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Yes.

My wife works at the front end of children's services, and I am continually amazed at the depths of depravity and abuse that people will subject their children to.

These kids are then taken from that situation into the care system where they will end up in the care of many different adults. It's not uncommon for kids to have been looked after by multiple guardians as they are passed around the social care system. Every move is an attachment broken, trust is eroded and more damage done to the child's ego.

As a prospective adoptive parent every single aspect of your life and history is scrutinised in minute detail. Your mental, physical and financial health, your house and surrounding area. Your religion, political views, choice of friends and your childhood. Your history of past relationships. All of these things to ensure that the right match can be made.

The purpose of finding their "forever family" is to provide a solid, stable, trusting environment for the first time in the child's life. By the time the child reaches the adoptive home they are truly, utterly broken. They have no concept of identity, ego, trust, compassion, safety, love, cleanliness, warmth, satiety. Every adult they have know has either abused them or left them. They don't know how long they will be staying in this house, who these new people are, or if they are going to start doing bad things to them. At the very base level, if their skin colour is different, then that means they are different.

You have a melting pot for disaster and every step must be taken to mitigate that to aim for a smooth placement. There are so many different variables that will affect that. Race is one thing that you absolutely can control.

So it might seem politically correct and right-on to say things like "it's 2017, colour doesn't matter", but in terms of adoption, it really does.
 
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