My dad tried to kill himself last night
- Thread starter mistersprinkles
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That's very insensitive and ignorant of you to say. I've done everything I could. I've set up psychiatrists, appointments to set up disability financial assistance, welfare, he doesn't go to these appointments. I managed to get him to see a psychiatrist once and he called her a stupid bi*** and never went back.
I am broke right now and I'm barely making it to the end of the month myself, and there's nothing I can do to help him. I have payed his rent in the past, and his cell phone, and bought him all sorts of thing he needed from TVs to computers to headphones to clothes, a microwave, food... and on and on and on. He's beyond helping at this point. He doesn't want help, he just wants to die.
My father is an intelligent person with a penchant for anger at the entire world and general depression. He never did anything with his life and has been driving taxi for over forty years (he is 67). Uber came in (illegally) and took over and taxi drivers can't make ends meet any more.
My father didn't even apply for old age pension when he turned 65 because his plan for years has been to hit rock bottom so he has an excuse to kill himself. He hasn't wanted to live for years. He has no friends, he has pushed them all away, and frequently talks about wanting to kill his brother (for ridiculous and laughable reasons) and others.
What can I do? I've done everything any reasonable person would do to help him, and more. Every avenue of assistance I have set up he has refused to follow through with. Am I supposed to somehow drag a 100Kg 67 year old man to these appointments?
There's nothing else I can do. He's such a selfish ***** that he refused to talk to me for a month because I couldn't (literally couldn't afford to) pay his cell phone bill and his phone got cut off.
I helped him when I could and tried to get him back on his feet and he refused my help and everyon else's and he's made up his mind that he wants to end his life. He refuses to do anything for himself. He had me calling his landlord today to try to get his stuff back because he didn't want to deal with it himself. This is not new, this is a 30 year old pattern of behavior. He is not a child, he's a 67 year old man with all of his mental faculties very very much intact and he's just given up on life.
Well bearing that extension on your initial post in mind, I don't know what to say other than that I wish you strength and well-being and hope that something sparks a change in him to stop this cycle and get himself back on his feet. 
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Short of trying to have him sectioned there appears to be little you can realistically do. A sad tale.
Ignore wedrum mate, he's not fit for this kind of discussion. Keep us updated please, and my offer still stands. Wishing you all the best.
Based on the original post, it was a fair suggestion by wedrum. It's all well and good following up with more context afterwards, to then call someone insensitive, but going off the initial post there, I'd have probably made a similar remark.
Hope it all somehow works out OP.
Exactly, helping somebody in that frame of mind is not easy at all. Its very difficult to help somebody who doesn't want to be helped and convincing somebody that doesn't want to live that they should is even harder.
Soldato
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Terrible mate.
At this point its very hard to do anything for him if he is not willing.
I don't know what your parents relationship is like but surely your mum can stomach him in the house so you can keep an eye on him for the time being as a short term solution?
At this point its very hard to do anything for him if he is not willing.
I don't know what your parents relationship is like but surely your mum can stomach him in the house so you can keep an eye on him for the time being as a short term solution?
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I did this to my sister, it was tough but told Police to do it, in the end it proved worthwhile.
OP, just seen your update. Not an easy situation to be in but I was in a similar situation where my sister gave me enough reasons to let her go, I really had to think hard and then decided that I must do all I can until I can do no more. It wasn't easy, it took about 2 years of some very tough times till she became stable again.
I know it's not easy for you right now because of your own issues that you have to deal with, we can only give you words of support. But hopefully this in turns gives you just a little more strength. On another note, maybe your mum has to forget personal issues for the moment, if possible and just do something short term to see if you can help your dad. Despite knowing it is himself that has put him in such a bad state.
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probably not what you want to hear and i don't mean to be provocational, but from that post i'd say it's time to let him go before he starts dragging you down w/ him. no matter what your feelings, you can't help people who don't want to be helped. i know that from experience.
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Coming from a previous precarious situation similar to your fathers except I was left to rot on the scrapheap of life and nobody gave a ****.
You did everything you could have. I'd have killed to have had someone like you to be there when I had needed it.
Literally nothing more you could do.
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It sounds like you've done all you can, I suppose this is who he wants to be and you have to accept it and still try to laugh with him. This does scream of attention for help to be honest but as you say - you've done all you can. You have to think of life as an expansion and shrinkage, when they are young they need care and when they are old, they need care.
I wouldn't call 60 old but it is past retirement... or at least it used to be >.>
Just enjoy the time you have with him and try to make light of it all. Ultimately, once he's gone all you will have left is the urge to call an unreachable destination and that's what'll hurt the most.
I wouldn't call 60 old but it is past retirement... or at least it used to be >.>
Just enjoy the time you have with him and try to make light of it all. Ultimately, once he's gone all you will have left is the urge to call an unreachable destination and that's what'll hurt the most.
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I'm sorry I can't give advice on how to try and change his attitude to life as really that needs to come from a professional but lots of the current issues seem to be finance based and that sentence stuck out to me.
I have no idea what the pension system is like in Canada but surely claiming it would allow him to get a bus to where he needs to go and some type of roof over his head.
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Awful situation to be in
I really do feel for you
I really do feel for you
You've done all you can mistersprinkles, from your comments it reads to me he's a domineering patriarch who uses emotional blackmail to get his ownway. If this was a man/woman relationship it would likely to be described as 'abusive'.
It also reads as a cry for help for yourself, especially if this behavior has been ongoing for 30 years.
As others have said you need to think about yourself, even a visit to psychologist, for a talk to put things into perspective.
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Phone the local police force and ask them what they can do or what help they can point you to, they deal with stuff like this on a daily basis. They will be in contect with churches and local charities and may be able to point you in the right direction, do the samething with the hospital. Get traveling and get him then try to figure things out, if you drive, 200km is nothing, 2 hours travel other wise get a bus sleep rough with him if you have to then get him back closer to your home.
First part is a sensible approach, but the back closer to home, may not be, we don't know the full details about the mother/father relationship and break-up.
When he leaves the hospital wouldn't social services arrange something or does it work differently in Canada?
Read you're op and this, listen, you have nothing to prove on here, there are some great replies and i think everyone is horrified at someone being in this whole situation, i was. You have probably gone far beyond what a lot of other people would have done, the only person who can turn this around is you're dad now, if the psychiatric hospital you're dad is in can clearly see he wants to kill himself then surely they cannot allow him to leave until such a time he is no threat to himself, obviously with treatment from the hospital.
You have done everything you can and more, i applaud you, only thing left is just to be there for him when he hopefully gets better and changes, i know it is late in life, but things can change for you're dad.
Best wishes and good luck.