How to settle money dispute between (former) friends?

I lost £300 on a "friend" once who I helped out. Lesson learned, taught me not to be a mug again. Though it is annoying that somebody you think of as a friend and a good one at that puts a value of £300 on your friendship.

My wife however just lent one of her friends £500 out of our joint account (basically 95% my money), the person she lent it to is out of a job and going through a messy divorce, I'm basically never seeing that again, i wonder how long it will be before the wife works that out.

If you take someone to court, even small claims then you need EVIDENCE, "she said she would pay me back" is not evidence.
 
House said:
I lost £300 on a "friend" once who I helped out. Lesson learned, taught me not to be a mug again. Though it is annoying that somebody you think of as a friend and a good one at that puts a value of £300 on your friendship.

My wife however just lent one of her friends £500 out of our joint account (basically 95% my money), the person she lent it to is out of a job and going through a messy divorce, I'm basically never seeing that again, i wonder how long it will be before the wife works that out.
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Without discussing it with you first? I would be livid.

House said:
If you take someone to court, even small claims then you need EVIDENCE, "she said she would pay me back" is not evidence.
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If the OP's other half has texts from the woman promising to pay, then that may count as evidence.
 
VincentHanna said:
Without discussing it with you first? I would be livid.
.
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Yes and I was, still am a bit but i'm at the quietly mumbling under my breath and making snide comments phase of dealing with it. I've decided to fight the women using their tactics on this one.

"You want a new microwave? well you could have it IF YOU HADN'T GIVEN £500 of OUR money away."
Ive got some mileage left in this one, and it was a few months ago already.
 
House said:
Yes and I was, still am a bit but i'm at the quietly mumbling under my breath and making snide comments phase of dealing with it. I've decided to fight the women using their tactics on this one.

"You want a new microwave? well you could have it IF YOU HADN'T GIVEN £500 of OUR money away."
Ive got some mileage left in this one, and it was a few months ago already.
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Drag it out for as long as you can.

She owes you plenty of favours now!
 
I lent a lot money to a friend, managed to get it back in the end but he took a while to get it to me. I was getting rather ****** off in end and it was quite close to ending our friendship.
 
House said:
Yes and I was, still am a bit but i'm at the quietly mumbling under my breath and making snide comments phase of dealing with it. I've decided to fight the women using their tactics on this one.

"You want a new microwave? well you could have it IF YOU HADN'T GIVEN £500 of OUR money away."
Ive got some mileage left in this one, and it was a few months ago already.
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Out of interest, what did she say when you asked her why you were not even made aware?

Like, it isn't about getting permission to stupidly **** away money but even informing you that she was going to do that. If someone i knew really needed the cash and i didn't think ill see it back, i would still give them something if i cared about them but regardless of how rich i was, giving money away (not buying or booking something) is worth a mention if the money is shared.

Book yourself a very messy, boozy weekend with the boys for £500 and don't tell her till after you come back.
 
House said:
Yes and I was, still am a bit but i'm at the quietly mumbling under my breath and making snide comments phase of dealing with it. I've decided to fight the women using their tactics on this one.

"You want a new microwave? well you could have it IF YOU HADN'T GIVEN £500 of OUR money away."
Ive got some mileage left in this one, and it was a few months ago already.
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Grow up :rolleyes:

What you should be doing is talking about it like adults, telling her you're angry and by all means saying "I told you so" when that money never returns.

Passively aggressively winding her up by making snide comments and dragging it out for as long as you can isn't doing you any favours. It's bullying and making you like a pleb to someone you supposedly love.

Avenged7Fold said:
Book yourself a very messy, boozy weekend with the boys for £500 and don't tell her till after you come back.
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Don't do this.
 
House said:
I lost £300 on a "friend" once who I helped out. Lesson learned, taught me not to be a mug again. Though it is annoying that somebody you think of as a friend and a good one at that puts a value of £300 on your friendship.

My wife however just lent one of her friends £500 out of our joint account (basically 95% my money), the person she lent it to is out of a job and going through a messy divorce, I'm basically never seeing that again, i wonder how long it will be before the wife works that out.

If you take someone to court, even small claims then you need EVIDENCE, "she said she would pay me back" is not evidence.
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well while your wife is still friends with the woman get her to send a text/e-mail/facebook message in a friendly manner confirming both the loan, the amount and asking about repayment etc.. should just need a friendly conversation where they discuss the loan, the friend acknowledges it says she'll repay soon/once she gets back on her feet etc... then just make sure to keep it for future reference if needed

also, given that she's not yet indicated that she won't repay I think it is a bit premature to get too angry about it, I mean sure you're perhaps right to feel annoyed that she's done it without asking you but I wouldn't necessarily conclude that just because your friend was a **** that your Mrs' friend will be too - she might just as well be super grateful that she was helped out during a difficult period and once she gets the divorce settlement sorted then pay your Mrs back

I think @EVH is absolutely right too, if you do have cause to be more angry about this in future, if it doesn't get paid back, then I don't think the whole quite muttering and/or snide comments thing is very constructive
 
Basically the way I see it is this. You basically have two choices: confront the "friend" and tell her to pay up or you're cutting all ties. Second, and possibly after the first, get legal advice and/or take it to small claims court. Even if you win you've still got to get it enforced that means escalating it to the high court and getting the sheriffs out. All of which costs money and if its only a couple hundred quid its probably not worth it. If you're talking thousands it might well be.

But basically sitting on your/her hands and doing nothing is clearly eating her up inside so you/she has to do something because the stress is not worth it.
 
Money and friends. Never ever if it's something you could miss.

As op hasn't said how much said sum is worth to gf hard to comment.

I'd only be chasing if it's over 700,and maybe not even then.
The amount of time, effort, stress, etc and potential reward isn't worth it imo.
 
I've lent 35k to a friend and later on 10k to an ex of mine in the past. I'd known them for years already at the time, both were in decent stable jobs and also knew they'd both be completely mortified if they let me down in any way at all. Sure enough I got both amounts back over the agreed timescale with no problems whatsoever.
 
The best way to settle this dispute is to convince both parties just how silly they are.

Lender is stupid for lending money for a HOLIDAY.

And borrower is stupid for not having any patience.

I swear the things people lend and borrow money for these days, cars, holidays, what a load of nonsense and then one lucky **** makes a boatload of cash just by entering some figures on a computer.

If you cant afford something don't buy it, if you cant afford to lose £700 don't lend it.
 
kissenger said:
This is a situation my girlfriend has been dealing with for a few years.

Essentially, she and her (former) friend agreed to go on a week-long holiday. Her friend couldn't afford it. My girlfriend offered to lend her the money on condition it would be paid back within 3 months.

Sadly predictable outcome: it's now three years later and she still hasn't paid (despite being able to by all accounts). My girlfriend has many emails/texts in which her friend acknowledged the debt and agreed to pay.

My question: is there any way for her to recoup this money? It's caused her so much stress, but she's adamant she doesn't want to let it go as a 'lesson learned'. I thought maybe it's something you could pursue in small claims court, but I don't have any experience in that area.
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Just LOL if you haven't already challenged her to a duel to the death. Weapon of choice is, of course, katana. Get some sweet anime music blasting in the background, maybe some Cheetos and deodorant for the crowd - you've got a stew going on!

I would watch this film.
 
Sorry been busy with work. To answer some of the questions that have come up:

  1. The amount is roughly £2000. More with interest, and my girlfriend did (rather stupidly in hindsight) take out a personal loan to pay for this jaunt.
  2. The friendship is already over, so no need to worry about that. Nor is she worried about what she might say to mutual friends.
  3. The woman who borrowed money is not fit. You do not want pictures of her. Trust me.

Having read all of the replies the logical course of action (considering my girlfriend doesn't want to chalk this up to a lesson learned) is small claims court, but with a letter beforehand (as suggested by samcat). Hopefully the letter gets the money, but if not we proceed through the courts.

The only thing I'm worried about is this costing my girlfriend more money than it saves. I don't think it'll be hard to prove guilt, but I don't know what the court fees are likely to end up being, and even if she gets a judgement, what if her 'friend' says she can only afford £5 a month or something?

Edit: this page seems to suggest it's just a flat fee of £105, so probably worth pursuing?
 
absolutely worth pursuing for 2 grand, especially if the girlfriend is in low paid work or even out of sheer principle, your fees are not going to come anywhere near to that
 
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