Sister emotionally blackmailed away mums pension

glenimp617

glenimp617

glenimp617

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Hi everyone,

Well have I got a tale to tell. It's long winded, but I'll do my best to keep things short and to the point.

I'm not sure if I should start in chronological order or the reverse but here goes....

So I have a 39yr old sister who just can't keep a job down. She's had at least twenty jobs over the past ten years and leaves due to stress or falling out with her manager.
It's always the same story. They give her too much work to do and little to no support. The doctor is more than happy to sign her off for two weeks at a time, rinse and repeat.

Ten years ago my mum and dad helped her buy a house and spent thousands of their own money on doing it up. It's really nice, but I always did wonder how she ever could afford the
mortgage since she was always giving up work. Thinking back, my mum and dad pretty much bought it for her. Now I don't know who's name is on the house or the mortgage and will
probably never know. Not that it's any of my business mind.

Earlier this year she got married and then a few months after that fell pregnant. The baby is due in february. She went on maternity leave a month ago!

Now the sensible head on me says you should only plan for a baby when you are both financially and emotionally ready. She is, in my opinion at least, neither.
This baby was planned, and I do take into account that people have babies unexpectedley and everyones circumstances are different. Here though, the baby was planned.
Going back a year or two, she overheard a couple of work colleagues talking behind her back saying "she should not have a baby" and ever since then it's been her mission in life. She
wants to prove a point basically.

I maybe should at this point set the scene a bit better with the relationship between my sister and husband and my mum and dad.

My sister and her husband can't drive. He can't do any DIY (not even put up a shelf) and he refuses to cut the grass. My poor old dad bless him, does all the taxi driving, all the DIY work
and even cuts their grass. When my mum and dad go away on holiday my mum puts some money in their bank for taxi fares. If this wasn't bad enough, they use emotional blackmail on him saying things
like "you have the decorate the nursery" or "you have to take me to the hospital" not for me.....but for the baby.

This is a woman who had two guinea pigs and gave them to mum as she couldn't cope looking after them, only to buy 6 cats!

Don't worry, it gets way WAY worse!

So, the events of last night. I phone my mum and dad about helping them get a better TV deal. They aren't good at these things and were paying Virgin £99 a month for not a lot! We spend
a good amount of time looking at various deals and we manage to come up with a left over black friday deal with Now TV which they will be really happy with. They also decide to take out netflix
as my dad used to have it years ago and really missed it. Now because I'm doing all this for them, mum asks me to go into her emails to verify addresses and active accounts. I do this and stumble
across an email from my mum to my sister.

This is actually very upsetting.....

Here it is

Right, seeing as I can't sleep again the only thing I can think of is if I take the last 2,000 from my pension fund as we don't have any savings left and let you have that plus
if I am really careful I should be able to let you have another 500 that is on top of the 600 I will transfer end of September.
Please work out your money on worse case scenario to make sure you can manage as we really don't have any more.
Talk it over with Rob and then both of you let me know you have discussed it and let me know what you want to do.
Do not get into debt as we have invested a lot in that house and it would destroy us if anything happened to it.
By the way do not tell dad.

What my sister seems to be doing, is using my mum and dad as a safety net for life. Despite them both having iphones, skyq top package, 6 cats, xbox, him gambling each week on the footaball, they
expect my mum to fund their inability to take on responsibilities.....something you need when starting a family.

Oh, and the age old excuse.......if you don't give me money we'll lose the house. The house my mum and dad bought!

My mum is stressed, and lost her dad (obvoiusly my grandad) two months ago. I don't think my mum and dad are getting on very well in their relationship and I think my sister is to blame.

so the icing on the cake....wait for it.....SHE WANTS ANOTHER BABY AFTER THIS ONE

Bloody families!
 
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Print, family meeting, out in the open. Call the scumbag Rob out over being a lazy git. Seething on your behalf!
 
Your parents doing things for her like buying a house and doing it up for her have only compounded her problems, I'll never understand outside of obviously loving your children why parents do this, it near enough always makes them worse at handling their own problems and getting it together, they think mum and dad will always be there to bail them out.
 
Ayahuasca said:
Your parents doing things for her like buying a house and doing it up for her have only compounded her problems, I'll never understand outside of obviously loving your children why parents do this, it near enough always makes them even worse at handling their own problems and getting it together, they think mum and dad will always be there to bail them out.
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I said this to them years ago, but they won't listen. I'm a parent of two myself and they will be raised to be self sufficient. It might be hard at the time, but they will be thankful.
 
Obviously you need to tell dad. This is being kept from him as much as it was meant to be kept from you.

My wife is the youngest of 4 girls. The middle two, twins, are notorious for going cap in hand to the bank of mum and dad for little loans here and there.

It got to the point that one of them was breaking down in tears talking about all the overtime she needed to do to just pay the mortgage and so they'd spot here £400 here, £1000 there out of their savings. But we'd go to the house at Christmas and see yet another gigantic flat screen TV, another BMW on finance and to top it all off they had bought a share in a holiday villa in Spain.

The other twin sister is a single parent, she's had a string of deadbeat partners and has been knocked up by them and has tearaway kids. She's also crying poverty all the time and goes with the begging bowl. Often times dumping the kids with their grandparents so she can have a 2 week holiday with her new deadbeat boyfriend.

It's gotten to the point that my wife's parents have had to sell up and move onto a residential caravan park as they've nothing left. No savings, nothing. Just their regular monthly pension payments and that's it.

On top of that my wife herself is ill. She has juvenile glaucoma and is registered blind now at the age of 32. She also suffers from M.E. and has difficulty with getting around. At this time we could have done with a little help from her family but there is nobody to be seen. Thankfully myself and my family are able to do the heavy lifting and we are doing pretty fine.

It just frustrates me that family members can be such parasites. You can't let these things go on. It needs to be confronted sooner rather than later. I've had to do it and I'm Mr Unpopular but who cares if I've called out a parasite for what they truly are. It's not like anything of value was lost in that relationship.
 
I hate to say it about your own family, but your sister and her other half are parasites. You say early in the post that it’s none of your business, I’m sorry, but if it’s your mum and Dad physically, emotionally and financially suffering, then it’s absolutely your business. You have to get involved before it’s too late and their health starts suffering.
 
i can see where this is going. you find out your parents have no savings left and start doing all sorts of stuff for them and giving them moeny. until you have none left and then....
i'm all for helping people out as much as i can but frankly your parents should have got a clue about a decade ago.
 
robfosters said:
I hate to say it about your own family, but your sister and her other half are parasites. You say early in the post that it’s none of your business, I’m sorry, but if it’s your mum and Dad physically, emotionally and financially suffering, then it’s absolutely your business. You have to get involved before it’s too late and their health starts suffering.
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Oh yeah, I meant that who's name on the mortgage was none of my business.

I'll definately do something, but need to ensure I don't make my mum even worse than she is now
 
Absolutely disgusting behaviour. I feel so sorry for your parents, she's taking them for a ride - her own blood. Tell your dad and I hope the fallout is minimal, good luck.
 
TheOracle said:
Right, seeing as I can't sleep again the only thing I can think of is if I take the last 2,000 from my pension fund as we don't have any savings left and let you have that plus
if I am really careful I should be able to let you have another 500 that is on top of the 600 I will transfer end of September.
Please work out your money on worse case scenario to make sure you can manage as we really don't have any more.
Click to expand...
that is heartbreaking and anger inducing all in one.

-BA- said:
Print, family meeting, out in the open. Call the scumbag Rob out over being a lazy git. Seething on your behalf!
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I wouldn't initially have it all out in the open via a family meeting - it may cause too much upset to your mum and dad. I'd meet up with your sister and tell her enough is enough, I'd also want words with her good for ******* nothing husband but only if your confident it wouldn't get physical or that you could at least deal with it if it did. you'd be surprised how 'lively' some folk can get when there's a risk that their free meal ticket is going to be taken away.

what a pair of ******* scumbags. thoughts are with you, you're parents and your unborn niece/nephew - that child is on a hiding to nothing with parents like that.
 
-BA- said:
Print, family meeting, out in the open. Call the scumbag Rob out over being a lazy git. Seething on your behalf!
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And if they don't listen, walk out the door and cut contact.

I have cousins that did the very to same to my uncle. Last saw them at my uncle's funeral 20 years ago. They weren't invited to my father's funeral.
 
TheOracle said:
Unfortunately I think we are all supposed to be spending boxing day together. I have no wish to see them.
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Boxing day isn't the time to do it but you need to sit down and be the mediator, it'll be uncomfortable, your sister and husband may never speak to you again but your mother and father are going to end up ruined and by the sounds of it this is tearing their own relationship apart, and could quite easily bring on health problems with the stress of finances. Imo it's worth destroying the relationship with the parasite to the benefit of the good people in this situation, your parents.

My uncle got involved with a woman who rinsed him of everything and tried to get in on the inheritance from my grandfather before he passed away, fortunately, my Dad and Uncle told her where to go and she got the hint as some people only get it when someone tells them how disgusting they're behaving.
 
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