Things you've noticed as you're getting older?
- Thread starter kwerk
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The forum admin is probably a snow flake
I must admit, I'm getting more and more like this. Some of my mates can't be bothered to go out as much these days, whereas I always wanted to go out every week.
Fact is though, as I approach 40, maybe their apathy is rubbing off on me because I'm no longer bothered either. I think as well, the fact I am in a very customer facing role I really can't be arsed with people or their problems in my spare time lol
My eureka moment when this happened to me is that when I go out now, I feel old standing in a pub of noisy teenagers (42) I'd rather not go out and not feel like an old man. Also they stopped handing me club flyers a few years ago. That's a defining moment you know your clubbing days are gone.
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In my case, the bars full of teenagers have been dumped in favour of bars full of middle aged and older men and women! We did the younguns bars again Friday before Xmas just for old time sake. I won’t be in a hurry to do it again! As for nightclubs, I can’t think of anything worse now
I remember I used to love them when I was younger but hate then now..Speed bumps really urinate me off big time.
Used to use them as either small jumps or wheelie humps on my motorbikes ...
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Exactly! Fair play to you for being honest. It takes a lot to admit that, there are so many men out there that feel the same way but would never say, even in a forum.
Its messed up and i wonder if some men are even built for the whole "bringing up the kids thing". It just depresses some of us and we feel like our wings are clipped and we lose out identity's. Im seeing a specialist head doctor about it and im afraid that at the end of it i may well just pack it in, pay the maintenance and have the kids every other weekend. I feel like it drags me down so much i just end up being frustrated the whole time im at home and feel it would be best for their mother to find someone else that can support her emotionally with the kids.
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I was honest with myself from day one, and admitted I didn't want kids, largely for selfish reasons, but also, I don't particularly like kids, and as a result, I would probably be a rubbish dad. It's just a shame more people weren't honest with themselves rather than bring kids into the world then resent them because they can no longer do/afford what they want any more, and having the kids resent them when they grow up for being a rubbish dad who resented them.
I am definitely not, as you phrase it, built for bringing up kids. I struggle enough to keep myself on the straight and narrow, let alone have someone else, a helpless someone else, rely on somebody like me!
However, I will say I feel I definitely made the right decision. I have little stress in my life, by and large, I can do as I wish, when I wish. I don't HAVE to chase after a very stressful, high salary job just to make ends meet. I am not financially driven, so as long as I can be comfortable, I am happy, and having no kids means its very easy to be comfortable. The only thing I "lack", if you want to call it such, is the ability just to chase skirt when I feel like it - the GF would not be happy - but then i am not much of a catch anyway so I doubt even if I were single, I'd be doing much of that, especially as I am very wary of ending up with a "mental".
If only some people would think more about what they truly wanted from life, and not just go ahead and do things because society expects them to do it.
It is funny how this unfolds - I've seen it go both ways - people who really struggle and on paper shouldn't make good parents having a child has had a fundamental changing effect and they've really got a grip on themselves and make a great parent and its hard to even compare them to the person they were before and those who the child really would be better off without that person in their life :s
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This is very true mate... I have a friend who insists that, had I ended up a father, he thinks I would have been a good dad, as in his words, I am 'young at heart' - which is probably a pretty fair assessment. However, I don't see myself that way. I see myself as a perpetually lazy, selfish, undriven, irritable person who drinks too much and am rather flawed in many, many ways. I just don't see that I would have been suitable for this particular job. Good job then, that I always felt this way even from a very early age - I didn't even like kids that much when I was one
Classic! I thought I was the only one...
Had a weird one with this going back to TV shows - in my mind while watching Dark Matter I thought of Melissa O'Neil as older than myself - she is 7 years younger! (she certainly doesn't look old for her age either).
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The whole kids thing is something that's been on my mind a lot since my marriage broke down. When we first married, we just assumed kids would follow at some point - although to be honest, the decision to marry in itself was almost an afterthought as we'd been engaged for five years and felt no pressing rush to go 'the full monty'. In anticipation of having kids, we sold our two-bedroom flat (worst decision we ever made, with hindsight) and bought a three-bedroom house and ... it never happened. Not quite sure why - I don't recall us ever sitting down and one saying to the other that they categorically didn't want kids - I guess things like careers, material things and hobbies became more important.
Fast forward to now, effectively single and heading for divorce at some point in the next 18 months - and from a purely selfish perspective I can't help thinking I've dodged a massive bullet the way things have turned out. I am now like your mate - my time is my own to do what I want when I want, whether it's gaming for extended hours or going out on the lash several times a week.
I didn't want to get divorced - if I'm honest I still love my wife even though she no longer feels that way about me (I know ... I'm an idiot
) - but now that I am, being free for the first time in over 25 years is nothing if not liberating. It is an utter joy being able to say to mates "Give me a date and time and I'll be there", instead of having to clear it with someone else first. And again, from a purely selfish perspective, once the divorce comes through and despite all the emotional trauma getting there, I'll most likely enter my 50s in a damn-sight better position than I would have done had I still been married. Natural cantankerousness of age aside, I should actually be happier as a 50-year-old than I have been in my late 40s.The issue with kids is nearly all women have the urge to have them and even though they may tell you otherwise this is usually just an indicator of an issue with herself or her true feelings towards having a family with you. The percentage of women who truly don't want to reproduce is minuscule. Trouble is far too many people now just have children for selfish reasons or they believe it will just magically make them a better person or be more responsible, you should have figured that out before you decide to do something that will consume a lot of your time and resources alongside putting further strain on the relationship.
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You may possibly be right, especially given how things have turned out now, but she did say once that however much she loved them, the advantage of our nephew and niece (her sister's kids in this instance) was that we could give them back. Not sure how much of that comment was in jest and how much for real and in any case I'm past caring now, but she gave every impression of being more fond of animals than she did children. As soon as we got the bigger house, which additionally had a garden that the flat didn't, one of the first things we did was get a couple of cats!
Either way, being in her early 40s she's left it very late to do anything about it, especially bearing in mind she suggested we wait another 18 months and then get a quickie divorce - and again from a purely selfish point of view, in any case I've still dodged the proverbial bullet ...
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Yep, far too many people have kids because it's the sociatal norm and the 'done thing'. In my opinion you shouldn't have kids unless you genuinely want them, and I don't consider having kids to stop your S.O. from leaving you a good enough reason. My dad didn't really ever want kids and as a result he's made a fairly dreadful father and husband.
Regards things I've noticed as I've grown up, particularly since I recently turned 30:
Regards things I've noticed as I've grown up, particularly since I recently turned 30:
- I don't feel the need to please everyone any more, I don't care if I don't get along with some people. I used to want and need everyone to like me and it was exhausting
- Nights in can be just as fun as nights out, but the occasional heavy night out drinking is still great fun
- Judging happiness by material wealth is a very poor way to live. Having a good group of friends and experiencing and doing things is far better than buying a shiny new thing
- On that note, keeping up with the Jones's is a complete waste of time, people who are flash are shallow and immature, and ultimately will realise they are unhappy
- Health and wellbeing are really important. Gone are the days when I could eat and drink absolutely anything and stay skinny. I'm still lucky to be naturally slim but I have to keep a bit of an eye on what I eat and how much exercise I take
- Speaking of which, it takes longer to recover from serious exercise, but I haven't stopped enjoying it any less than I used to. If anything, I appreciate playing football more than I did when I was younger, because I can now see that there will probably be an age at which I can't play any more
- People who are drama are simply not worth it; I like happy, fun and easy-going people now more than ever
- I do what I want to do more now than I used to, because life is short and I don't want to be doing things if I don't like or enjoy them
- Money comes and goes, it's fairly easy to get more of it and it's easy to lose it, and there are plenty of things in life that no amount of money can buy or fix
- Sunday morning lie-ins are great
It is not always that easy for the guy. When you love someone you want them to have everything they desire. For me this was the case, i never really wanted kids and now i somehow have ended up with 2 though IVF so it was a conscious decision. I did it because i love my wife unconditionally and thought id come around once they were here. More fool me, 4 years later i still havent come around and my desperate situation has caused me to become more introvert as a person and mostly frustrated which in turn is affecting the family life. If i had any advice for anyone i would suggest that you go with your instincts. If you want kids have them, if you dont, dont. Keep it simple people, go with your gut feeling no matter home much you love the other person.
Keep your head up buddy, you are free to do whatever you like when ever you like. Make the most of it