Hi Vidar,
Sorry to hear of this happening. Sadly it is an unspoken epidemic in this country. There are hundreds of thousands of Fathers and I suspect nearing a million children in this situation because of a vituperative ex-wife.
As I have alluded to several times before I've had to go through the circus ("Family" Court aka The Mothers Court) and made the decision after almost 6years that the best decision would be to walk away.
I used to give advice on
https://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle
A lot of posters unfortunately - I firmly believe - giving incorrect advice in telling you to run to Solicitors to let them "handle it". While Solicitors may give a feeling of peace of mind, it doesn't last long. In my extensive experience of advising other Dads in your position, a good Solicitor (in respect of family matters) are rarer than hens teeth). I can give a few examples of the levels of knowledge of solicitors/Court Legal Advisors/Judges:
- I demanded an action be taken in line with the legal standpoint and highlighted the law and legal precedent before 2 Solicitors with nearly 30years experience between them (yes I asked). Neither acting for me. Neither accepted the Law and one in particular refused to accept it was even a provision within the Childrens Act. It was there and the 2 of them were both surprised
- Legal Adviser (a job attracting £45,000+ of state money in its first year) who did not know the Law, flouted the Law and deliberately and methodically went out of her way to do so. Despite my protests and a literal shouting match back and forth in the Court room. A Judge later confirmed what I knew that there has been a serious incident of Law and rules of the Court not being followed and broken and he quizzed why I had accepted it. I informed I hadn't but followed it up with a complaint that I was at the time awaiting. No further action. The Head Solicitor (yes, that's right, Solicitor who was in charge of several Courts) found the LA had acted correctly. My follow up letter highlighting the Judges remarks, a further show in Legal precedent from Family Law Week went ignored.
- A Judge who upon another no show (my ex attended less than 50% of Court cases (I estimate more than 25) in the time it was before Court)) refused to continue to allow the hearing to go ahead (despite me showing up for the appointment as per directions of 9.30 and not being seen until after 3pm) stating that my ex could argue not having a fair hearing. This despite several requests to reconsider under 2 cases overseen by the Head of the Family Court Sir James Munby where this had continued and one even highlighting why they should continue in absence.
The Family Courts are a nightmare and your situation can go one of two ways. The good may be your ex is scared by them, in which case you can usually get and keep contact, the other is that she knows the Family Court will do nothing - not a thing - regardless of how many breaches and will take no punitive action whatsoever. In the former, you should be able to see your kids fairly and consistently. The latter, there may come a point as it has/had for me that continuing the fight was not worth it any longer. My friend - bless his cotton socks - is and has always been as stubborn as they come and is still fighting through family Courts now after 8years. Last I spoke to him his ex had breached contact orders (CAO's now they are called) 7 times and he has missed out on hundreds of Contact days. He says he will never give up on his kids.
Straight up advice:
- Unless you know of a fantastic Family Court Solicitor: Do NOT enlist one. You may pay £2,000 just to get it to Court and then be given a CAO that isn't worth the paper its written on
- Show up to Court in the worst clothes you can - have no respect for the place. Whether you are suited, booted and slick or (as I started to in the latter years) dressed in ripped shorts, creased shirts and unshaven for several days, it makes not a scintilla of difference
- Don't be polite in Court, be forward, direct and tell them what they should be doing (because they don't have a clue (unless your Judge is Judge Richard Taylor))
- Any allegations should be treated as such and if she makes false allegations make sure they are counter complained about by the Police as false allegations are a crime and even if they cannot be proven - should be acted upon immediately to avoid further allegations. Oh, also, if she alleges you take drugs (and you know 100% you don't) make sure you stipulate that any need to take drug tests she meets 100% of the costs including the time take off work to have them - another friend of mine didn't take my advice and it cost him £600! that she then followed up by saying his Mother (a Nurse!) was also taking them. He then took my advice... she decided not to continue with that tact)
- Any instances of violence or aggression record on your phone. Get a voice/call recorder on your phone. It was a godsend for me when Police were knocking.
Edit: I wish I had of done so when I had a car driven at me twice!
- Treat Social Workers (who are an absolute disgrace) as people who are there to be on the side of your ex. They are in the vast majority of cases. There is a movement going to ensure that any interaction with Social Workers MUST be recorded. If they refuse you can inform them "So you are one of the ones who lies and makes things up". Any Social Worker worth their weight should have no problem with this.
At the end of the day its about planning a good case. Recording instances, reading up on Law, getting advice (from Dad Talk) nd showing up - because if you don't the case can and usually gets thrown out straight away. Point out what they are doing wrong and how they should be doing it. Beyond that it is purely about luck!
I wish you all the luck in getting it sorted.
