Stopped from seeing or speaking to my son on his 9th birthday, today.

Having had similar experiences to you (everything) some 12 years ago now. I was so incensed by the way I was treated I now actually work in family law.

You've made the right moves and done the right things. You're clearly doing well and I don't want to sound condescending because you're probably already doing it, but make sure you record everything, evidence in any form is your biggest your best ally. Always have a witness in any given situation. At all times, and i know how hard it is to keep your emotions at bay (all of them), you must behave in a calm, quiet, mature, caring and confident manner, do this and any false claims against you are much more likely to bounce off and back on to her. Do not give anyone a reason to believe her by displaying any behaviour which could be misconstrued, assumed, exaggerated or twisted in her favour.

Like I said you've probably been doing this anyway so I hope I have just reaffirmed what you already know.

On a personal note keep your chin up, I know how much it hurts... Your kids will grow and with it so will there own thoughts, views, experiences and opinions, and one day it'll all come crashing down on her. It will.

Good luck :)
 
Well got a surprise call from the social worker today, filled him in on the texts I'd received from the ex and he really isn't happy at all. He's convinced the child protection plan isn't going to work.
 
Fingers crossed for you buddy - truly upsetting story and you sound like you've handled it amazingly. Stray strong for the kids; at least they have you to look up to.
 
Hi guys, another late night update from yours truly.

I'd been invited to another core group meeting at the kids school, social worker, school representative and the district nurse all present. I'd arrived about 10 - 15 minutes early and sat in the car with the missus when we witnessed something utterly bizarre, the ex walking down the road towards us, seeing us in the car from about 15 metres away she turned around and literally ran away. I mean it was a case of look down and back again and she was gone. So she's playing the I'm scared routine again, fair enough however I've got text messages from her asking me to meet her alone and come to her house etc. Which have been printed off and seen by the social worker on his request.

At the meeting I told him about what we'd seen and he shook his head in utter disbelief. She'd apparently informed the school she was attending after they'd explained the seriousness of the situation, did she not think that I would be there?

The meeting was incredibly sad, my kids telling everyone they've seen that they love and miss me, want to see the baby and are worried that we (Myself, Fiancee and Baby) will forget about them. They're desperate to see me.

There'd also been several incidents, one leaving my daughters face badly grazed with differing stories from the kids as to what happened, though the walk in centre isn't concerned and is happy with mums explanation and an incident were the ex left my little lad on the playground before school started unattended as she had an appointment, when no teachers where about which resulted in my lad getting into a fight with another boy and then running away from the school grounds. If it hadn't have been for another parent getting him and taking him back to school god only knows what may have gone on. Apparently though school are happy that this is an isolated incident, I shall be pointing out that while rare as far as I'm aware she has done stuff like this before. For example leaving my then 4 year old daughter in the care of her 11 year old niece, my daughter getting out and eventually being picked up by police, the ex then blaming the 11 year old and taking no responsibility.

I did get to see my little lad from a distance doing P.E for a split second, I miss the kids terribly everyday!
 
Vidar said:
Hi guys, another late night update from yours truly.

I'd been invited to another core group meeting at the kids school, social worker, school representative and the district nurse all present. I'd arrived about 10 - 15 minutes early and sat in the car with the missus when we witnessed something utterly bizarre, the ex walking down the road towards us, seeing us in the car from about 15 metres away she turned around and literally ran away. I mean it was a case of look down and back again and she was gone. So she's playing the I'm scared routine again, fair enough however I've got text messages from her asking me to meet her alone and come to her house etc. Which have been printed off and seen by the social worker on his request.

At the meeting I told him about what we'd seen and he shook his head in utter disbelief. She'd apparently informed the school she was attending after they'd explained the seriousness of the situation, did she not think that I would be there?

The meeting was incredibly sad, my kids telling everyone they've seen that they love and miss me, want to see the baby and are worried that we (Myself, Fiancee and Baby) will forget about them. They're desperate to see me.

There'd also been several incidents, one leaving my daughters face badly grazed with differing stories from the kids as to what happened, though the walk in centre isn't concerned and is happy with mums explanation and an incident were the ex left my little lad on the playground before school started unattended as she had an appointment, when no teachers where about which resulted in my lad getting into a fight with another boy and then running away from the school grounds. If it hadn't have been for another parent getting him and taking him back to school god only knows what may have gone on. Apparently though school are happy that this is an isolated incident, I shall be pointing out that while rare as far as I'm aware she has done stuff like this before. For example leaving my then 4 year old daughter in the care of her 11 year old niece, my daughter getting out and eventually being picked up by police, the ex then blaming the 11 year old and taking no responsibility.

I did get to see my little lad from a distance doing P.E for a split second, I miss the kids terribly everyday!
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You made 3 mistakes and very silly ones at that.

1-You arrived early
2-You brought your GF with you. It has nothing to do with her what so ever.
3.You parked in a place your X could see you from a distance. And most likely seeing the both of you she ran off.
 
At least 2 of those "mistakes" were unavoidable. Arriving early ensures you are on time, its better than being late. How was he supposed to know the direction his ex was going to approach from?

The gf part I sort of agree with.
 
Acme said:
At least 2 of those "mistakes" were unavoidable. Arriving early ensures you are on time, its better than being late. How was he supposed to know the direction his ex was going to approach from?

The gf part I sort of agree with.
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If you arrive just a minute late it insures that the kids are there. If you arrive early(like he did) the person could see him and get cold feet and run(which she did).
I would have parked away from the place. Maybe a street or 2 down.
 
deuse said:
If you arrive just a minute late it insures that the kids are there. If you arrive early(like he did) the person could see him and get cold feet and run(which she did).
I would have parked away from the place. Maybe a street or 2 down.
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Well gotta love hindsight haven't you?

Jesus

OP, carry on plugging away, if these three '''issues' are of a concern you can always ask your social worker
 
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Parking in a designated space?

Turning up early for an important meeting?

Gf is moral support more than likely
 
deuse said:
No. It's called thinking\planning ahead.
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I totally get what you're saying - the points you made are definitely valid, but as an outsider it's always easy to criticise actions. Yes his GF should have probably stayed at home, yes parking elsewhere would have been ideal, so he could turn up after he made sure his ex was there, but this is a man who has barely seen his kids in the last year(s). I imagine he's desperate to, and so, he's probably not thinking about these things when he's pulling up to the school, knowing he's minutes away from seeing his kids.

When you look at it from this perspective, I would argue it was a good thing to bring his GF - she has the ability to keep him level headed in a situation likely fuelled by emotion.

OP - keep up the effort. I was once the kid in a similar scenario. But advice for the future (though you probably don't need telling) - NEVER talk trash about your ex to the kids. Good parenting, and showing them good values to have in life will encourage them to form their own opinions. I've found this to be exceptionally important.
 
Just a few points guys, firstly the missus was invited to the meeting by social services, the ex hasn't attended a single core group meeting or child protection conference. She's also been ignoring social services again so there was no reason to think she would be there.

As for scaring her off, if you knew her you'd know that's just an act. She'd literally text me the week before telling me I could see the kids at her house. And she's not scared of the missus having verbally attacked her outside of court end of 2016.

Also with being about a 40 minute drive away and me not driving arriving a bit early to make sure we were on time isn't a bad thing in my book.

None of this was a concern for the meeting though, social workers attitude was that she should grow up.

I've never bad mouthed the ex in front of the kids.
 
Yeah I don't think anything you did there was wrong. I hope they see through her scheming soon.
 
When I split with my ex and my daughter was 5 years old, it was a bit rough too (split over 10 years ago now though) I had access to my daughter Wednesdays and Saturday night through to sunday. When I then met my current wife, a couple of months after I moved out of the house, my ex went nuclear. Basically I'd found someone else and it put her nose out of joint. I had given my daughter an asprin for a sore ear and when daughter went home and said daddy had given her special medicine ( I said it was special medicine to help her sore ear, as you do to a young child to reassure her), the ex accused me of drugging my daughter and stopped all access. It took my mother and my ex's mother to drive to the ex's house and have it out with her as both grannies KNEW I didn't do anything wrong...even the ex own mum said she was being ridiculous. It's times like then that you realise as a dad, you have zero rights and your kids can be used against you by a spiteful ex. I read any updates @Vidar does as I empathise with him 100%.

Things did calm down though and now I've a decent relationship with the ex. Daughter is 16 now too and has her own mind made up what she wants and that, thankfully, is to see me as and when she wants to, without having my ex permission.

Hang tough squire!
 
MassiveJim said:
jesus christ!! way to be harsh on Vidar.

He did nothing wrong and your post is not only unhelpful but probably hurting Vidar's mental state if anything.
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Completely agree - way over the top from deuse! Also, if you'd actually been reading the thread, 3 completely moot points.

Good luck Vidar :)
 
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