Talksport Radio phone-in about getting 'caught short!

TimTom

TimTom

TimTom

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One night last week I couldn't sleep and I was listening to Talksport's through-the-night show. It was just after the incident of Real Madrid's Sergio Ramos having to dash from the pitch to use the toilet in the middle of a game. The radio presenters were asking people to phone in with their own stories of when they had been caught short in awkward circumstances.

There were some inevitably hilarious ones - a lad who was too embarrassed to use the toilet at his girlfriend's parents house on Christmas Day, someone who was on a safari jeep sightseeing trip when nature called, a fellow who was in the forces and had a catastrophe just as he was boarding a toilet-less aircraft and a bloke who didn't ask to leave the room during a school exam. All highly comical and I think they've used the repeatable ones in a short podcast of the highlights.

Funny though that all the callers I heard were blokes. Maybe females don't get caught short, or don't talk about it - or just don't listen to all-night radio shows!!

I wouldn't have had the courage to phone in with mine (GCSE school exam almost 25 years ago in a big school hall...) but who here would have dared phone in with their own confession?

I'll try and find the link to the podcast if anyone's interested.
 
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I remember being at my girlfriend's parents house (now my wife) for the first time. her father was out and it was about 11.30 at night. I went outside to my car for some cigarettes and a bloke was in the front garden urinating on the vegetable patch. He said "Who the hell are you?" I explained and he followed me into the house and went to make a cup of tea. i said to Jane, "I just met your dad for the first time,I just found him outside weeing on the beans!". She said he usually does that when he's had a few pints, he says it makes them grow better" She was totally nonplussed and I gathered it was a perfectly normal part of his evenings out at the pub or club. I then had the social dilemma of how to avoid green beans when ever I had a meal there.

I also had a male friend when I was in my early twenties, of a similar age to myself, who, whenever we were on a car journey of any length, kept saying we needed to stop so he could have a "natural". After a few months of this we were off to London from Manchester and after the third need for a "natural" I'd seen red and barked at him, "There's nothing bleedin' natural about all this, you need to get yourself looked at". We never spoke again for weeks, he'd taken umbrage, but luckily he was checked out and had some sort of water infection. The "naturals" stopped and we made the next trip south none stop. We still laugh about it now.
 
Chris Wilson said:
I also had a male friend when I was in my early twenties, of a similar age to myself, who, whenever we were on a car journey of any length, kept saying we needed to stop so he could have a "natural". After a few months of this we were off to London from Manchester and after the third need for a "natural" I'd seen red and barked at him, "There's nothing bleedin' natural about all this, you need to get yourself looked at". We never spoke again for weeks, he'd taken umbrage, but luckily he was checked out and had some sort of water infection. The "naturals" stopped and we made the next trip south none stop. We still laugh about it now.
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IMO there isn't enough allowance in society for people who can't hold their bladder, etc. as long as "normal" my dad had some issue for awhile and it was tough on him sometimes when travelling, etc. Generally I don't have a problem with it but there are 1-2 (probably highly processed) foods/drinks which I have to avoid or I feel like I need the toilet every 15 minutes for a day or two after which is no fun :s
 
Rroff said:
IMO there isn't enough allowance in society for people who can't hold their bladder, etc. as long as "normal" my dad had some issue for awhile and it was tough on him sometimes when travelling, etc. Generally I don't have a problem with it but there are 1-2 (probably highly processed) foods/drinks which I have to avoid or I feel like I need the toilet every 15 minutes for a day or two after which is no fun :s
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I'd agree but also bowel too. What didn't help was the mass closure of public facilities.
 
TimTom said:
Funny though that all the callers I heard were blokes. Maybe females don't get caught short, or don't talk about it
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Historically, and Until really quite recently, It was always considered socially unacceptable for Women to use toilet facilities outside the home, (This is why older public buildings like theaters had only very limited facilities for Women)

Even today, many women really do not like using public toilets.

As a result Women will tend to actively restrict their liquid intake when away from the home.
 
Similar to @Chris Wilson's story. First time I met my now Father-in-Law was the night after a wedding, with him picking his daughter and me up from the hotel and taking us to Wembley for the football. I was decidedly hungover and unwell, with my insides bubbling around whilst we were waiting for him to pick us up. I'd heard he was quite a stern and proper man. Uncharacteristically he was late, so as we were sat in the sun (sweating like a ******) I thought I'd make a quick dash to the loos. Anyway, upon exiting my stall I bumped into a bloke who'd just entered the toilets. The vomit-inducing poo smell I'd just created was too much to ignore, so I kind of waved my hand in front of my nose and made a joked apology. I was met with a scowl and a mutter of "what the hell is wrong with you"...

Walked back to where my girlfriend was sat and she pointed over my shoulder and said "Look! My dad's here, let's go!". I turned around to see the same bloke from the toilets. Glowering at me.

Anyway, the result at Wembley went our way and on the way out I excused myself for a pee. There was no one in the bogs at all, must have been 50 unused urinals in there, when all of a sudden someone takes the one next to mine. I look across and see him beaming at me before he shouted "Got to stop meeting in the toilets, eh?" and gave me a nudge... which sent my stream off target and all over the wall!

An unnerving experience.
 
Orionaut said:
Historically, and Until really quite recently, It was always considered socially unacceptable for Women to use toilet facilities outside the home, (This is why older public buildings like theaters had only very limited facilities for Women)

Even today, many women really do not like using public toilets.

As a result Women will tend to actively restrict their liquid intake when away from the home.
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It' more to do with the state of the ladies in most places.

If you think the gents toilets are bad ladies are horrific.

So many flush tampins/sanitary pads so they'e always blocked and over flowing or discarded used tampons on the floor etc.

Friend told me once about the time she went in closed the door, sat down only to realise somone had stuck thier used very messy sanitary pad to the back of the door
 
Tefal said:
If you think the gents toilets are bad ladies are horrific.
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I watched a documentary about London's bog cleaners and in 100% of cases the womens toilets were far worse than what blokes leave them in.
I work in quite a professional building and I know I can go the bogs at any time and have no problem with mess however the women are always coming out saying stuff like "Poo on the seat", "tampon stuck", "bogeys on the wall" and so on.
 
SexyGreyFox said:
I watched a documentary about London's bog cleaners and in 100% of cases the womens toilets were far worse than what blokes leave them in.
I work in quite a professional building and I know I can go the bogs at any time and have no problem with mess however the women are always coming out saying stuff like "Poo on the seat", "tampon stuck", "bogeys on the wall" and so on.
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From 3 of the places I've worked I can confirm the same. The women's toilets in the call centre I worked in were regularly closed due to things such as crap on the floor, walls or seats. Blood on the floors, seats and door handles. Absolutely foul.
 
SexyGreyFox said:
I watched a documentary about London's bog cleaners and in 100% of cases the womens toilets were far worse than what blokes leave them in.
I work in quite a professional building and I know I can go the bogs at any time and have no problem with mess however the women are always coming out saying stuff like "Poo on the seat", "tampon stuck", "bogeys on the wall" and so on.
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Savages
 
Talking of the state of toilets, you have experienced nothing in life until you've worked on an aeroplane and spent half your life peeing in an an airborne loo.

**** on the seat, **** on the floor, **** on the walls, **** on the baby changing seat, **** he toilet roll, **** near the sink. It's foul! I get it can be bumpy so aiming can be hard, but sometimes there is more out of the bowl than in it!

People also have a habit of not flushing, I'll walk into the toilet to find dind last night's dinner looking right back at me. The amount of times I've been waiting to use the toilet by the door, more commenly a women walks out, sees me, face of sheer horror, as I walk in to find what she's left. Disgusting, but after the Nth time it's quite funny to see their reactions.
 
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Every time this happens there needs to be a tanoy annuncement of "we would like to remind passengers to flush the laboratory after using it.....yes that means you the lady in 12F"
 
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I wonder if in India they have radio shows where people describe times they have been 'caught short', unable to leave a building and have had to use a flush toilet?
 
I used to clean bogs when I was at college, in offices for a very large (at the time) software company. The ladies toilets were a real eye opener, especially as a relatively young lad who thought all women smelt of roses.
 
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