Just found out mum is dying of cancer :(

faceman123

faceman123

faceman123

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Hey Guys,

I am absolutely devastated and upset, my mom has just been diagnosed with untreatable and bone cancer, my worlds been turned upside down. I feel angry, i feel regrets and i'm really down because she had a hard life ( dad was abusive physically, now divorced ). how do others here deal with it? I can't think of anything else and feel lost in life
 
I have no real advice but I am deeply sorry to hear of this news mate. I don't think anyone could tell you a way to deal with it.
 
Words cannot do justice to hearing such sad news.

My father passed away a number of years ago after years of struggling with multiple sclerosis. Despite the fact that we knew it was coming, it still hit me like a steam train.

Sorry to hear this buddy.
 
The only, cliche advice I can offer is to try and keep busy but that can be incredibly hard in itself if your life isn't already orientated that way. Along with the title, the part in brackets is nearly as upsetting to read.
 
I don't know if there's ever any way to 'deal with it'. It's a process, that will take time.
The best advice I can give is to talk about it. Especially with your mother. My dad passed 3 years ago from secondary bone cancer, and my biggest regret is not having talked frankly to him about his passing. It's hard, dear lord it's hard. But I think it's important.
Make the most of the time you have, celebrate any little thing you can. My parents opened a bottle of champagne when my dads PSA level exceeded 1000.
Make some memories and use the time you have, it's not going to be easy. You'll get through it, I'm not sure if you have any siblings but again they can help, and your friends too.
Stay strong and feel free to vent here, happy to DM if there's anything I can do to help.
 
keep busy, try to accept what is happening as soon as you can and be there for her when she needs you. Sorry to hear you are going though this, it isn't easy and there's really no 'right' way to deal with it.
 
First things first, you have my empathy.


My dads got inoperable cancer, he’s old though so most likely will die with it rather than of it, in my case I’m just making sure he knows how he’s regarded by us all and I’m making a bigger effort to make sure I see him more and try not to argue with him (however much he may be wrong!) - have you been given any indication as to time frame involved?
 
So sorry to hear this :(

I lost my dad to cancer when I was 15, unfortunately, I don't think there's any 'right' way to deal with things - it's an awful situation truth be told.

The best advice I can give is; keep yourself busy, surround yourself with friends and spend as much quality time as you can with your mum now - regret will eat you up if you let it, try not to focus on things you wish you hadn't said etc. just make sure you are there to support her & keep her spirits up.

All the best mate.
 
I'm so, so sorry about your news. I can speak from experience on both sides. My father died from cancer in 2002 and we knew it was incurable (and I survived it in 2011). Spend as much time as you can with her. Everything else in your life can be put on hold. Be there for her. Reassure her that you are there for her and that she's not alone. Also make sure she's aware that everything in your life is good and she doesn't need to worry about you (parents always worry that their kids will be OK when they are gone). Over the days, weeks, months (or however long she has) thank her for everything she has done for you and remind her of how many great memories she has given you. She will always be with you.

Let your friends and work know so they can support you too. Don't be afraid to cry or show emotion in front of others although try not to do it in front of her as it will just upset her.

If she is still in a reasonably 'healthy' way then find out what she wants to do with that time and help her do it.
 
Sorry to hear this. Cancer is a horrible disease, I've had it, my mum has had it but recovered, it's such a shame there isn't a cure for it yet :( I can't imagine having to deal with loosing someone, I wouldn't be going to work in a time like this thought and it's important to make the most of the time left in my opinion.
 
You have me empathy too.

My mother and I were estranged for many years; during which time she was diagnosed with anaemia and other thyroid related illnesses. These ailments finally developed in to Non-Hodgkin lymphoma (Diffuse large B-cell lymphoma). On her diagnosis, I modified my life for the next three years in order to spend as much time as I could with her. From moments of laughter, as she inadvertently put her wig on backwards to the moments where every part of her being started to crumple before my eyes during latter stages of palliative care.

Good luck; spend all the time you can with her; even if it is in silence in the same room.

The moral; if there is one, don’t let remarks or events in your life create bridges with or between your family. Life is too short.
 
Thank you all very so much, I'm going to make the most of the time we have left with her, life is to short we should be grateful for every morning we wake up

Thank you all so much
 
faceman123 said:
Thank you all very so much, I'm going to make the most of the time we have left with her, life is to short we should be grateful for every morning we wake up

Thank you all so much
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My father's death, followed by my own illness, had a profound positive effect on my life (obviously I would prefer that he didn't die, but hopefully you understand my meaning). I realised that life is indeed very short. I now make the most of it and don't let things worry or upset me too much. Use this terrible news as a catalyst to improve your own life and make sure you don't waste any of it.
 
Hades said:
I'm so, so sorry about your news. I can speak from experience on both sides. My father died from cancer in 2002 and we knew it was incurable (and I survived it in 2011). Spend as much time as you can with her. Everything else in your life can be put on hold. Be there for her. Reassure her that you are there for her and that she's not alone. Also make sure she's aware that everything in your life is good and she doesn't need to worry about you (parents always worry that their kids will be OK when they are gone). Over the days, weeks, months (or however long she has) thank her for everything she has done for you and remind her of how many great memories she has given you. She will always be with you.

Let your friends and work know so they can support you too. Don't be afraid to cry or show emotion in front of others although try not to do it in front of her as it will just upset her.

If she is still in a reasonably 'healthy' way then find out what she wants to do with that time and help her do it.
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Hades said:
My father's death, followed by my own illness, had a profound positive effect on my life (obviously I would prefer that he didn't die, but hopefully you understand my meaning). I realised that life is indeed very short. I now make the most of it and don't let things worry or upset me too much. Use this terrible news as a catalyst to improve your own life and make sure you don't waste any of it.
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I can't really add much to what Hades has said in both his posts - he's absolutely nailed it from my point of view.

My Dad died of kidney cancer around 15 years ago and I miss him every day, particularly so in the last six months when my marriage broke up and I was drifting directionless. I'm well back on the straight and narrow now, but I would have welcomed his wise counsel during those days. Dad and I had our differences over the years when I made some life decisions he didn't agree with (with hindsight, like any parent he only wanted the best for me), but one of the things I'm glad of is being there during his final days and told him I loved him - even though he was so doped-up on morphine all he could do by way of reply was to squeeze my hand, that was enough for me.

That's the best bit of Hades advice - make sure your Mum knows you love and appreciate her and even if it means telling the whitest of lies, do everything to reassure her you'll be okay once she's gone.
 
This is such awful news, so sorry to hear this OP. I've had loads of experience with cancer and sadly it never gets easier. All I can say is cherish every moment with your mother, spend as much time with her as you can and make sure she enjoys her time with you too. Even such small things as going for a walk in a park can mean a lot, quality time means a lot to a parent. Make sure that when the worst does happen, that there are no regrets on either side and that you both have the best time in the world whilst you can.

God speed buddy. It's hard :(
 
Awful news mate, really sorry to hear it. There's no way around it, losing a parent changes you forever. As others have said, be there for her and be strong. Do you have other family to support you / her?
 
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