Alex Skeel: Domestic abuse survivor was 'days from death'

Sankari · 19 Apr 2018 at 12:30

This is utterly horrific. It beggars belief.

A male domestic abuse survivor said he was "10 days away from death" before he was helped by police and medics. Alex Skeel, 22, from Stewartby, Bedfordshire has urged other victims in abusive relationships to speak out.

His former partner, Jordan Worth, 22, subjected him to multiple physical injuries, denied him food and isolated him from his family, a court was told. Pleading guilty to grievous bodily harm and coercive controlling behaviour, she was jailed for seven-and-a-half years.

The prosecution is the UK's first conviction for coercive control involving a female offender, Bedfordshire Police said.

...During the last nine months of their relationship, Worth subjected her partner to multiple physical injuries, often requiring hospital treatment.

...On another occasion he woke up after Worth had beaten him on the head with a beer bottle before chasing him and hitting him on the hands and face with a hammer.

(Source).

krooton · 19 Apr 2018 at 12:41

Yep, and all the 'Alpha/Beta' bullcrap mentality only fuels this kind of thing, as guys are too conflicted to speak out about abusive girlfriends/wives.

wolfie138 · 19 Apr 2018 at 12:42

own fault for putting up w/ that

aardvark · 19 Apr 2018 at 12:51

wolfie138 said:
own fault for putting up w/ that

i'm going to break forum rules and *Whilst I agree it's a foolish attitude, don't result to personal insults - EVH*
This kind of macho BS does a great deal of harm to men.

wolfie138 · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:15

and reported, for personal abuse.
it's not macho BS when you're life's at stake. funny isn't it,w hen a female finally speaks up about about they're all lauded as heroines, but there you are saying men shouldn't.

cheesyboy · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:16

wolfie138 said:
and reported, for personal abuse.
it's not macho BS when you're life's at stake. funny isn't it,w hen a female finally speaks up about about they're all lauded as heroines, but there you are saying men shouldn't.

That really doesn't appear to be what he's saying at all.

FortuitousFluke · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:24

wolfie138 said:
and reported, for personal abuse.
it's not macho BS when you're life's at stake. funny isn't it,w hen a female finally speaks up about about they're all lauded as heroines, but there you are saying men shouldn't.

I think what he's actually saying is that attitudes like yours are one of the reasons men don't speak up. And he's right.

omnomnom · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:24

*Removed*

I haven't been in this situation, nor would I want to be however to say its his fault is another level of stupid.

Sankari · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:27

wolfie138 said:
own fault for putting up w/ that

Wow, second reply and we've already reached peak derp. Surely a record.

iamtheoneneo · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:28

solid 8/10 but as they say....

never mess with crazy.

He was effectively groomed being so young in a relationship, must have been hard to establish what was actually normal behaviour!

wolfie138 · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:29

i seriously have no idea what you guys [?] are talking about. my attitude was that his life was at risk and he said nothing/did nothing and should have reported her, and he was an idiot not to. you're saying that's an odd opinion. o-kay then. maybe when it happens yo you all, you'll sit there and let some woman dominate, abuse and injure you, doubtless you'll just sit back meekly and take it.

omnomnom · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:32

wolfie138 said:
i seriously have no idea what you guys [?] are talking about. my attitude was that his life was at risk and he said nothing/did nothing and should have reported her, and he was an idiot not to. you're saying that's an odd opinion. o-kay then. maybe when it happens yo you all, you'll sit there and let some woman dominate, abuse and injure you, doubtless you'll just sit back meekly and take it.

You don't have any idea of who this guy is and his mentality. To simply say its his fault is just silly. You also sound like you have an issue with women so hey ho.

Maccy · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:34

And give it a rest guys or take a holiday.

wolfie138 · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:35

i have an issue w/ women taking men to a point near death. seems you don't so hey ho.

my last post here, can see all the ivory tower GD posters have come out in force, lol. as i say, total different story when it's women on the receiving end, always being told to not put up w/ it, speak out and being lauded for doing so, but i guess you all think different rules apply to blokes. so, have at it, and enjoy yourselves.

Dup · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:35

Typically I would assume that for a man to go through this they would somewhat be classed as a vulnerable adult, much in the same way it would be the other way around. It's a psychological thing, not a physical one. The physical abuse can only happen if the receiving party accepts that they in some way deserve what they are getting following psychological abuse. Anyone who has suffered from depression could somewhat relate I'm sure. The overwhelming belief you're not good enough can lead you to accept allsorts of insane situations big or small.

It is horrific, I've seen first hand and heard about some awful awful situations albeit all directed towards a woman. It doesn't take much to do serious physical and mental harm and anyone who emerges from such situations to live a decent "normal" life I can only commend. We all have the potential to be vulnerable and appear weak and it's quite possible someone will take advantage of that, male or female.

Abraxaz1 · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:41

One of the guys I used to play rugby with would turn up with random bruises all over his chest and legs but never anywhere you'd spot fully clothed. Turns out his missus was hitting him with kitchen utensils.

She threatened him with the police saying that he was abusing the kids and her, it was only after he broke down at the end of season bash that we found out.

Que lots of secret cameras and months of recording before the police and social services took it seriously.

Gotta question if it was a man being the abuser how quickly the police would react

Moobert · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:42

wolfie138 said:
i have an issue w/ women taking men to a point near death. seems you don't so hey ho.

my last post here, can see all the ivory tower GD posters have come out in force, lol. as i say, total different story when it's women on the receiving end, always being told to not put up w/ it, speak out and being lauded for doing so, but i guess you all think different rules apply to blokes. so, have at it, and enjoy yourselves.

wolfie138 said:
own fault for putting up w/ that

That isn't what you said though. Is it also a womans fault for "putting up with it" in a situation that seems to be out of her control? Also no one here has even hinted at "different rules applying to blokes". It is not an easy situation to be in regardless of gender.

Freakbro · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:49

Want people don't realise is it doesn't start like this, it ends up like it. And like the analogy of the crab in the saucepan, they don't realise the water is slowly getting hotter.

iamtheoneneo said:
He was effectively groomed being so young in a relationship, must have been hard to establish what was actually normal behaviour!

That's an astute observation. What an abuser does is isolate the person from friends/family making them dependent (emotionally, financially) on the abuser so the victim doesn't even realise how 'not normal' the persons behaviour in the relationship is.

I am having to go to crown court later this year as a witness against one of my ex's who is a serial domestic abuser - not with violence, but emotional abuse and coercive and controlling behaviour. Now I'm a strong willed, large strong guy and I didn't realise what was going on until we were far past the rubicon and I eventually got out of there, with my mental health in tatters. She is now taking the next guy to court, accusing him of domestic violence (she got him to agree to marry her after a few weeks), which is all lies and fabrication and a lot of projection

Read up on Gaslighting, it's more common than you would realise https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...verywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting

Oh and about 30 guys a year are killed by their female partners in domestic abuse cases.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/one-in-three-domestic-abuse-victims-men-a7465181.html

The number of male victims of domestic abuse has gone up while the rate among women has fallen, according to new figures.

About 1.2 million women and 651,000 men said they were domestic abuse victims in England and Wales in the year to March 2016, the smallest gap between the sexes on record.

Of the 432 domestic homicides between April 2012 and March 2015, 73 per cent were female and 27 per cent were male

Sankari · 19 Apr 2018 at 13:57

Freakbro said:
Want people don't realise is it doesn't start like this, it ends up like it. And like the analogy of the crab in the saucepan, they don't realise the water is slowly getting hotter.

Except that a crab in a saucepan will realise the water is slowly getting hotter, and will immediately get out as soon as it becomes intolerable.

Unfortunately, humans in bad relationships are often more easily manipulated.

insane200 · 19 Apr 2018 at 14:19

Isn't the analogy about a Frog in water !!

Feel for the guy, and I bet he's grateful to the people next door, Can't believe how narrow minded Wolfies comments are, Saying it's his fault, poor sod had been groomed from 16 to do what she wanted him too, He could have gone to the police before BUT what if they didn't believe him, Men reporting abuse is no doubt more likely to be shrugged off, then she would have abused him more.

No one except those abused know what it's like to deal with, Hopefully he can go on and find a decent Girl to live with once he's been helped over the last one.