Alex Skeel: Domestic abuse survivor was 'days from death'

This woman clearly had a psychological and manipulative hold over the guy, it wouldn't have been as easy as "walking away". These types of people are master manipulators and more than likely had him thinking he was in the wrong.

While it's easy for somebody who is mentally stable to walk away, this guy clearly wasn't at the time of abuse.
 
ChroniC said:
I agree with the people who say he should have known better. Whilst being subjected to it wasn't his fault it was totally in within his power to stop it.
People who side with the cool right wing attitude are no better than sheep... He knew what was happening to him, he just didn't want to face up to it. Totally within his power and strength to go out and get his own food, see his own family or stop her from hurting him.
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I think it's great that you're in a position where you can be so naive and clueless about DV. Unfortunately, not everybody is in that position. What you're saying is akin to someone suggesting that depression can be cured by just "cheering up". Alas, both are substantially more complex than you know.
 
ChroniC said:
I People who side with the cool right wing attitude are no better than sheep... He knew what was happening to him, he just didn't want to face up to it. Totally within his power and strength to go out and get his own food, see his own family or stop her from hurting him.
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Wait what? What your describing there is the classic "right wing" (right as in old fashioned guy int he pub meaning here) view that DV victims are themselves responsible.

Not sure how accepting that dv victims are coerced and controler is right wing.


What's funny though is what you say is pretty kuch the opposite of pretty much all human evidence.

Abused people of all background and tyoes of abuse always find it hard to leave thier abusers
 
Burnsy2023 said:
I think it's great that you're in a position where you can be so naive and clueless about DV. Unfortunately, not everybody is in that position. What you're saying is akin to someone suggesting that depression can be cured by just "cheering up". Alas, both are substantially more complex than you know.
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Indeed. Soon as the word 'sheep' came up, I stopped reading.

People who have such a pathetically limited viewpoint of such immeasurably complicated personal problems like this just aren't worth listening to.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
I think it's great that you're in a position where you can be so naive and clueless about DV. Unfortunately, not everybody is in that position. What you're saying is akin to someone suggesting that depression can be cured by just "cheering up". Alas, both are substantially more complex than you know.
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Yawn typical response which I told you would be written. Everyone knows it's happening to them whether they have the strength to stand up to it is a different matter entirely. None the less your aware of it. Which is totally my point.
There is no scenario where a person is incapable of putting 2 and 2 together when they are taking physical punishment.

Why is it that only depressed people can have an opinion on self worth and anyone else is lambasted as an idiot.
Everyones been down the rabbit hole at some point in time. I'm not talking medically unwell but life is just like that. In my case it was because I didn't want to face up to my poor decision making and blamed everyone else. I didn't blame the black mist though, or play the victim, and it took me to face up to myself.
Being on the ugly side of an argument doesn't always make you wrong.
 
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ChroniC said:
Yawn typical response which I told you would be written. Everyone knows it's happening to them whether they have the strength to stand up to it is a different matter entirely. None the less your aware of it. Which is totally my point.
There is no scenario where a person is incapable of putting 2 and 2 together when they are taking physical punishment.
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How do you know this? What is your evidence base?

You're talking very broadly, for many people, so I expect you're an expert in this.
 
You don't need a survey to know reality. It's not a grandious claim to know that something that touches your senses and is part of your world is being processed by your brain.
It's almost ridiculous to claim otherwise..
 
ChroniC said:
You don't need a survey to know reality. It's not a grandious claim to know that something that touches your senses and is part of your world is being processed by your brain.
It's almost ridiculous to claim otherwise..
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Ah, so it's not expertise as I'd hoped, it was merely arrogance.

I can't be bothered to try and show you how wrong you are, I doubt it'll change your mind, but I see DV victims all the time, and rarely is it anywhere as simple as you seem to think.
 
I used to know a woman who, lets say, wasn't that emotional. But she told me, "men fight with fists while women fight with emotions."

Though men and women can follow different paths in to relationships, we can all end up in that situation were one cares for the relationship more than the other person, and we end up hanging in bad situations hoping everything will be good in the end.
 
Hmmm some interesting attitudes in this thread.

I can only surmise one group has the good fortune to not yet find themselves with such a woman. I had my brush with one. It wasn’t pretty. It’s kind of subtle how it starts. Eventually it’s more brazen. I was getting this narrative from her about how I was useless, how this bad situation was all my fault, and so on and on. The thing that saved me is that I’m older with a few relationships under my belt and was and remain a successful high achieving person in a few different domains. So I somewhat was armoured against the psychological assault, but the conflict was immense. Thank goodness she wasn’t my first serious relationship.

Crazy bint jumped on tinder when we split up and got in a relationship with someone I worked with. I warned him, obviously he didn’t believe me. 2 years later he came to me and told me I was right. He stuck it for a year.
 
Might as well give up ChroniC... Unfortunately we live in a society where everyone is absolved of any sort of self-responsibility... Moreover, the wide spectrum of 'victim' tags that can be applied to oneself are almost infinite in their breadth and scope such that nothing is ever our fault and indeed we are virtually powerless to act against the shear relentlessness of what modern life throws at us... Oh what poor children we all are! Luckily almost everyone we will encounter has been brainwashed to believe this and will defend your inadequacy to the absolute hilt. I actually think the people defending the guy's inaction in this thread are a worse pox on society than the female abuser... Hang your heads in shame, I am glad this is a computer forum as I could not possibly stand the sight of you.
 
Put far more eloquently than I could but in a nutshell yes. Bleeding heart liberals are trying to be good but sometimes tough love is what's needed. No pun intended.
 
Supercow said:
I was personally in a very abusive relationship, and can completely empathise with his situation. As previously mentioned, it's a progression, and master manipulators have the ability to tear you down over time to a point where you truly believe that you cannot survive without the other person.

To all the macho men in here, you might read this and think that certain type of personalities lend themselves to being dominated (i.e: being a bit of a wallflower and introvert), but I'm the polar opposite and it happened to me, though not to this extent.
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I can empathise with this. My first marriage was to a very dominant woman, and there's a slow creep of manipulation (whether or not people call it abuse or not these days I don't really care) that can feel wrong but it is often balanced against a fear of leaving that relationship, fears that can be manipulated and be enhanced. In my case it was all mental until one evening it finally turned physical when I was 10 minutes late home from work. That happened in front of my 1 year old son, and his reaction to it sparked something that made me pack a bag and walk out a few minutes later. A few horrible years after that, with denied access, all manner of allegations, huge (for me at the time) legal costs and having to give up over three quarters of our assets. The attempts at mental control continued during and after the divorce, using my son and money, and it took years for them to dissipate.

Judging by the reported story, I never suffered anywhere near the physical and mental abuse that this chap did, but I still wouldn't wish my situation on anyone else, even the 'man up' brigade in this thread, who clearly have no idea or experience about the situation.
 
Stolly said:
Hmmm some interesting attitudes in this thread.

I can only surmise one group has the good fortune to not yet find themselves with such a woman. I had my brush with one. It wasn’t pretty. It’s kind of subtle how it starts. Eventually it’s more brazen. I was getting this narrative from her about how I was useless, how this bad situation was all my fault, and so on and on. The thing that saved me is that I’m older with a few relationships under my belt and was and remain a successful high achieving person in a few different domains. So I somewhat was armoured against the psychological assault, but the conflict was immense. Thank goodness she wasn’t my first serious relationship.

Crazy bint jumped on tinder when we split up and got in a relationship with someone I worked with. I warned him, obviously he didn’t believe me. 2 years later he came to me and told me I was right. He stuck it for a year.
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I have been in this type of relationship to be fair. She was a nut bag, wouldn't meet my friends or family etc, used to be a complete bitch, etc. I knew it was happening you know why I stuck around. She was hot. I weigh it up in my head. Exactly like everyone else in this situation and thought it was worth it for a time to have her on my arm and get the sex. Was worth it till she the craziness outweighed the fun. I told her to do one and she was all nicey nicey again. I wasn't stupid. I knew what she was doing. So I rode the wave of pleasantries for a while until she turned bunny boiler again and I got a new phone and ignore the front door. She got the message.
 
The_Abyss said:
Judging by the reported story, I never suffered anywhere near the physical and mental abuse that this chap did, but I still wouldn't wish my situation on anyone else, even the 'man up' brigade in this thread, who clearly have no idea or experience about the situation.
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There's no man up brigade mate.. We all know women can be bitches, no one is denying DV exists.
The man up brigade are saying we can all take a few before doing exactly what you did and leave when enough is enough. Not be starved or be near death like this lad.
Your pretty much proving the point as you did what an sane person would.

I'm a no advocate of violence of any sort but come on, if someone puts boiling water on you or stabs you I think it's fair to say you should punch her in the face and leave.
 
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The example in the report is extreme (or is it, really, as many women suffer the same) but you're demonstrating a lack of understanding of the level of psychological control that's possible.

Or was the person in the report simply inadequate, as you agreed with above?
 
I believe that no amount of psychological control can make you unaware that being stabbed burnt and beaten is a good thing. Unless being beaten over the head with a beer bottle had made him mentally deficient.
I think that I've made that clear.

She would literally have to have the control of the Xavier from the Xmen for me not to notice that I was totally in the worst relationship that had ever existed.

He has a kid as far as I can tell, I can understand that he stuck through the abuse to be with said child, but that would still be a conscious decision on his part to do so for the sake of the child.
All I am proclaiming is he knew it was happening and could have done some thr more than just accepting it, especially when he was 10 days from death.

I mean there has to be a line, some point where you think hmmm maybe just maybe, all the other lads aren't being stabbed. This can't be normal.!!! Wait a damn tooting minute, I can just go outside and get some food.
 
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As I said, you're demonstrating a lack of understanding of the level of psychological control that's possible, and that therefore this person was either inadequate or mentally deficient. You've made that clear.
 
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