Domestic abuse towards men

a distant mate of mine is married to a vile woman who constantly belittles him, in front of anyone, but he put's up with it and won't say a word against her. She has the final say in everything in his life, this has been going on for years and he's accepted this is his life, the best he can do so is staying/committed.

If it had been a female spoken to/treated that way I'd probably say something.
 
A friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago, it was pretty shocking as they always seemed to be so happy together and it seemed to be going well.

He told us after that she was basically both mentally and physically abusing him. She would hit him in the face and throw stuff like her phone at his face. It was all kept completely quiet until they broke up!
 
One of my women friends said "men fight physically, women fight mentally".

It's like the John Wayne Bobbitt case years ago. His wife (?) cut off his penis because she thought he was cheating, and all she got was a 45 day evaluation period in a hospital because she claimed insanity! Just imagine if a man cut off womans sexual organs. He'd be jailed for life!
 
BowdonUK said:
One of my women friends said "men fight physically, women fight mentally".

It's like the John Wayne Bobbitt case years ago. His wife (?) cut off his penis because she thought he was cheating, and all she got was a 45 day evaluation period in a hospital because she claimed insanity! Just imagine if a man cut off womans sexual organs. He'd be jailed for life!
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John was indeed cheating, and constantly taunted his wife about it. He also violently abused her on a regular basis, and had raped her on the night of her attack. She never claimed insanity, although she did have clinical depression.

The defence case was that his final act of violence had caused her to 'snap', resulting in an irresistible impulse to attack him. The jury decided that this qualified as temporary insanity, and made their judgement accordingly.

Over the next few years, John was convicted of violence against women (including his second wife) on several occasions.
 
I think you need to crack down on any physicality early on, anything like a push or something you need to make sure they know it's immediately over if they do anything like that again. As soon as they know they can get away with hitting you, pushing you, or even abusive language then it'll only escalate every time you have an argument. I mean either do that or just KO them right away.
 
I think it's more azazl has had a few bad eggs. I won't say it's all or even most.

My partner is one of those unicorns from a previous video.

My ex should have come with a warning. If I could go back and warn a younger me, I would be in a much better (and by that I mean amazing) position.
 
Evangelion said:
John was indeed cheating, and constantly taunted his wife about it. He also violently abused her on a regular basis, and had raped her on the night of her attack. She never claimed insanity, although she did have clinical depression.

The defence case was that his final act of violence had caused her to 'snap', resulting in an irresistible impulse to attack him. The jury decided that this qualified as temporary insanity, and made their judgement accordingly.

Over the next few years, John was convicted of violence against women (including his second wife) on several occasions.
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Yes I read all that.

So instead of leaving an abusive partner, are you saying that you suddenly have the right to cut off their sexual parts in retaliation?
 
BowdonUK said:
Yes I read all that.

So instead of leaving an abusive partner, are you saying that you suddenly have the right to cut off their sexual parts in retaliation?
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That’s exactly what he’s saying, except for the part where he didn’t say that, or imply it

Apart from that you’re bang on
 
BowdonUK said:
One of my women friends said "men fight physically, women fight mentally".
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This is right though, it could be the case that a woman has mentally abused a male partner for 2-3 years before he finally flips and hits her in a bout of anger and guess who winds up going to the police with blatant evidence of claimed abuse. Mental abuse is far more subtle and not something you can just go to the police and prove with a bruise.
 
Nitefly said:
I’ve never heard anyone downplaying or making fun of the domestic abuse of men.

I don’t think I know anyone that’s ever been in an abusive relationship, for what it’s worth.

As for exposure, you just watched a documentary on it, did you not?

*shrug*
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Roar87 said:
I think you need to crack down on any physicality early on, anything like a push or something you need to make sure they know it's immediately over if they do anything like that again. As soon as they know they can get away with hitting you, pushing you, or even abusive language then it'll only escalate every time you have an argument. I mean either do that or just KO them right away.
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Become the abuser, you mean?
 
mmj_uk said:
This is right though, it could be the case that a woman has mentally abused a male partner for 2-3 years before he finally flips and hits her in a bout of anger and guess who winds up going to the police with blatant evidence of claimed abuse. Mental abuse is far more subtle and not something you can just go to the police and prove with a bruise.
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It sounds good, but it's not true. Domestic abuse can take many forms and generally abuse is always mental, sometimes it's physical as well, but if it wasn't mental people wouldn't find it so difficult to leave their abusive partners. There doesn't need to be physical abuse for police to be involved or prosecute. Coercive and controlling behaviour is an offence all in itself.
 
Haggisman said:
I think h4rm0ny has hit the nail on the head with the fact that most men are too embarrassed to come forward about it. There's still that "lol, you got hit by a girl" attitude in many social circles unfortunately.
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If you use the analogy of an iceberg, the physical abuse part of it is the only bit visible, but by no means the largest part. Physical abuse rarely comes early on in the relationship. It's often a prolonged conditioning from an abuser, to obliterate self-esteem and confidence, to control someone's life to every little detail, to the point where you don't need violence to instil fear and compliance.

I'll give you one story: a man goes to work every day and expects that the house is cleaned every day. If the house isn't cleaned to the standard he requires, violence is inevitable. Before he goes to work every day, he leaves a number of coins around the house. If they're not found and removed, the cleaning is not up to standard. The female never knows how many coins are left and he'll hide them in really subtle places. She never knows if she's done enough to avoid the violence. Whilst the violence is bad, the constant not knowing what will happen, the compulsive behaviour to find every coin takes much longer to heal than any beating - indeed it may never heal.

My point is that the psychological conditioning, the overwhelming control is often the worst part of DV. People always focus on the obvious physical abuse, but regardless of genders, some of the psychological games abusers play is something straight out of horror films in the worst cases.
 
JBuk said:
That’s exactly what he’s saying, except for the part where he didn’t say that, or imply it

Apart from that you’re bang on
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It is implied by posting her excuses. I read the same information, it was from wiki. I decided not to post that part because it would be playing in to the excuse that she give for her actions and I decided that there was never an excuse, so I didn't include it when I mentioned the case.

I think if a Mr X cut off a woman's sexual organs and I started posting how he'd had a hard life I'm sure others would see me as making excuses for his actions.
 
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