Moving away, anxiety and being away from current friends. Your experiences?

Akagi

Akagi

Akagi

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In acme's chair.
Hi all, so I'm making some pretty major changes in my life hopefully in the not too distant future. The main one of which is moving to another county for a fresh start, about 4 hours north. Property is also much more affordable, I could get a 3 bed semi for the same price as a bedsit in Brighton.

Now I have pretty bad anxiety and depression which I've struggled with for most of my adult life (from early teens, up to now, I'm 24) so I'm concerned about feeling isolated and lonely, especially as I would be living in my own.

I have a couple of friends in that area, and I talk to a lot of my pals online, but I was wondering what people's experiences are with living with anxiety and moving away to a new area? I've lived in this area for my whole life.

My parents will be moving to the same county once my Dad retires in about 3 or 4 years so that is some comfort knowing that I won't be far from family.

Even living at home for a couple of weeks on my own can drive me a bit stir crazy, so it's a worrying prospect, but something I need and want to do to move on with my life.

Thoughts/opinions? :)
 
I've done this 4 times for work. There isn't really much I can say other than give it a go. Admittedly I'm not exactly an anxious person, but I'm not an extrovert either.

A new work place often gives you a new social circle. I always joined a new gym so that was another way of getting out and about. Other than that you just need to find your own way and enjoy the experience. I always found it liberating to be somewhere new.
 
By the age of 15 I'd moved house 8 times. Four different schools. By the age of 21 I'd lived in three different continents, two different languages, and every time I moved I lost my entire social life. If a **** like me can do it, you'll certainly be fine. It'll take a bit of adjustment and getting used to, plus you'll only be 4 hours away so a weekend and home with mum & dad and all your mates is only a drive away. For your social life I suggest you download Meetup on your phone and use that, I've never used it but I heard loads of good things from people I know I can trust.

You'll be fine, it'll probably teach you life skills you never even knew you needed :)
 
Just a quick question, mainly for my own understanding what is it about living alone that gets to you? Is it because its too quiet?
 
Diddums said:
By the age of 15 I'd moved house 8 times. Four different schools. By the age of 21 I'd lived in three different continents, two different languages, and every time I moved I lost my entire social life. If a **** like me can do it, you'll certainly be fine. It'll take a bit of adjustment and getting used to, plus you'll only be 4 hours away so a weekend and home with mum & dad and all your mates is only a drive away. For your social life I suggest you download Meetup on your phone and use that, I've never used it but I heard loads of good things from people I know I can trust.

You'll be fine, it'll probably teach you life skills you never even knew you needed :)
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Cheers :) Sounds like you are very conditioned to moving around by now! It would probably have helped if I had moved to a different part of the country at some point in the past. Even when still living with my folks.


HybridX said:
Just a quick question, mainly for my own understanding what is it about living alone that gets to you? Is it because its too quiet?
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I'm not sure how to explain it really. Its not even that it is quiet, I can play music, watch videos, chat to people online etc, its just being in an empty house, knowing theres nobody to speak to maybe? I like when there are other people around because the house feels "alive" - Being home alone for more than a few days depresses me.
 
I have the same worry, Acme. My friends all live very near each other, maybe within 5 miles. I live probably 15 miles from them all, and it causes some problems in that it's much easier for them to get together. Everywhere that's near them is some distance for me.

My wife and I (bear in mind I'm 29 so still very socially active) talk about moving further out sometimes, and we'd quite like to so that we could have more space. But I just don't think I can do it because these are the friends I've had for 15 years, the ones I'm closest to.

I understand what it's like to be worried about it.
 
Are you looking to buy a house or rent? If renting, check out Spareroom you can find some cool people on there and it would bring costs down further.
 
Good to know you've seen the light and becoming a Northener. Which area should i start looking out for broken cars?

I suppose as mentioned there's the options of house shares, or even rent a room out if you're buying.

But mainly if you feel lonely then just immerse yourself in groups. I know you've mentioned weight so maybe consider active groups? I'm in a running and paddleboarding facebook group and they're always doing stuff.
 
Macky said:
Are you looking to buy a house or rent? If renting, check out Spareroom you can find some cool people on there and it would bring costs down further.
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Would look to buy. Have my deposit waiting. Just figuring out exactly what I'm doing.

Also theres the issue of needing to find a new job before I can get the mortgage, not sure how easy it would be to get a new job in an area I plan on moving to, but haven't yet moved to?


Marvt74 said:
Good to know you've seen the light and becoming a Northener. Which area should i start looking out for broken cars?
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TBH 4 hours north is still southern :p - Would be up the east coast.

NVP said:
You're not an active member of the democratic socialist party are you? #jazzhands
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That what who wha whoo?
 
Acme said:
.

Also theres the issue of needing to find a new job before I can get the mortgage, not sure how easy it would be to get a new job in an area I plan on moving to, but haven't yet moved to?
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The only issue you have is getting the time off your current job to attend interviews. A decent employer would typically reimburse travel expenses for interview. An employer could see it as a positive that you've travelled so far to come to interview, compared to somebody local. Shows commitment from your end.
 
Macky said:
The only issue you have is getting the time off your current job to attend interviews. A decent employer would typically reimburse travel expenses for interview. An employer could see it as a positive that you've travelled so far to come to interview, compared to somebody local. Shows commitment from your end.
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Yeah but on the flip side, there's also the worry you're going to become homesick and leave after 3 months. It's a difficult one to judge and would come down to the hiring manager.
 
Marvt74 said:
Yeah but on the flip side, there's also the worry you're going to become homesick and leave after 3 months. It's a difficult one to judge and would come down to the hiring manager.
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Not sure that would be much of a concern if I'm going to be buying a house, its not like I'm crashing on a friends sofa and applying for a job! :)


Macky said:
The only issue you have is getting the time off your current job to attend interviews. A decent employer would typically reimburse travel expenses for interview. An employer could see it as a positive that you've travelled so far to come to interview, compared to somebody local. Shows commitment from your end.
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I guess so, and there is of course the hope that they would do a lot of the interview process over the phone and then only call me in if they are fairly confident I'm what they are looking for.
 
Acme said:
I guess so, and there is of course the hope that they would do a lot of the interview process over the phone and then only call me in if they are fairly confident I'm what they are looking for.
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That's certainly the experience I've had. Lay your cards on the table to them. They'll appreciate it's a long way to go and wouldn't want to waste yours or their time.
 
Haha very true. Are you confident you like the area enough to move there?

Suppose you need to work out a plan then of timescales. I think my thought process would be

Get in touch with recruiters covering the area, see what's available
Find a room/flat/house to rent for ~6 months and move there. You don't want to be doing 8hr round trips for an interview
Get a job
Look for a house. By this time you'll have an idea of areas you want to buy in. Just like Brighton there'll be nice places and dumps and you may not know about them till you spend more time there.
Hopefully by the time you find somewhere you'll have passed your probation and can get a mortgage

Then spend a few years there before realising it's even better further north :p
 
Marvt74 said:
Haha very true. Are you confident you like the area enough to move there?

Suppose you need to work out a plan then of timescales. I think my thought process would be

Get in touch with recruiters covering the area, see what's available
Find a room/flat/house to rent for ~6 months and move there. You don't want to be doing 8hr round trips for an interview
Get a job
Look for a house. By this time you'll have an idea of areas you want to buy in. Just like Brighton there'll be nice places and dumps and you may not know about them till you spend more time there.
Hopefully by the time you find somewhere you'll have passed your probation and can get a mortgage

Then spend a few years there before realising it's even better further north :p
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I suppose that makes sense rather than buying straight away. It does double the moving hassle but means I can change my mind much more easily.

I've only been there a couple of times but it is a nice area, seems to tick a lot of boxes. Not a billion miles away from "home" if I want to visit old friends, some friends there already, decent house prices, parents will be in the same county in a few years, etc.

Oh, thats another point, to complicate things further I want to change industry completely. Ive always worked in IT/software support, and I hate it. I have no idea why when I was at college I thought it would be a good idea... I applied for a position as a trainee machinist in a machine shop, but the position got filled. Something like that is what I'm after I guess. Something vaguely mechanical and a bit niche.
 
Moved away with my wife (girlfriend at the time) for her work and lost touch with all my old friends. Trouble is, I'm so much of an introvert, or loner more so, that I have never felt any need to make new friends.

My wife is a very outgoing friendly person so tends to find a few friends no matter where she is, but I know my lack of a circle can sometimes put a bit of pressure on her. I tend to favor sports that I can do purely on my own (i.e. bouldering) and work out at home too. I don't even find small talk difficult, I just have no drive so continue talking after about 5 minutes or upon re-meeting someone.

I think you'll be fine though. If you actually want to make new friends then you will, the opportunities are out there. Just join clubs.
 
Do it Swedish style and have No Friends atall.
On reflection I gave up so much moving here.
I'm happy enough though.
Considering when I lived in London my friends all lived less than 30mins away, and we still rarely found too much time to hook up after we hit our 30s anyway.....who cares!
 
100% rent for a bit. It takes time to really know if an area is one you want to invest in. As for shared housing, a fate worse than death!

The downside to moving is I don't have a huge friends circle where I am now but do have awesome friends all over the place so I am constantly travelling to catch up and spend time with them.
 
For me job security is more important than location, I wouldn't want to move somewhere without knowing I cannot support myself while there. If it means applying for jobs, accepting something then renting a room in a shared house just to get to know the area initially it would be the best way forwards, then buy something after you're settled after a year and you know where you want to be. Towns can have their good/bad areas and you'll get a feel for that living there.

When I moved away for Uni it was because I had a reason to be there and that helped with the anxiety. Recently been thinking the same as you, buying further north as homes are cheaper but couldn't face looking for a new job or adjusting for a new area so settling with a 1bed place locally now.
 
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