Think Im buying stuff just for the sake of it now, bit worried I have a problem (genuine)

Monkeyboysteve

Monkeyboysteve

Monkeyboysteve

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Thatcham in Berkshire.
This is not a brag of things I bought (as none are high end anyway)

Genuinely think i'm just buying random stuff for my computer that i dont need just for retail therapy now.
Started by upgrading my CPU to a 3700x from a 1700 which was nice but possibly not needed,

upgraded to 32gb ram from 16gb, def not needed as i never used all 16gb,

Bought a new case to replace my cougar Panzer max, again, my old case was ok and could have lasted me a few more years.

have bought literally 10 new fans for my computer despite the fact it only holds 6, i wasn't happy with the noise of some of them so bought more.

Bought a new GPU as old one had issues with temps and throttling etc, think this was the only purchase that was actually needed, but already in my head i'm thinking "should I have gone for a 2080ti instead"

Bought a rift s despite having a PSVR and CV1 already (I did sell them though to be fair)

Bought a new mouse (g502) to replace a g402 that was fine

Bought a new Corsair k70 keyboard despite the fact my old keyboard was fine.

Then loads of little bits, like GPU braces etc despite the fact my case comes with one, and new led strips etc despite already having loads.

Genuinely think I have some issues with needing to shop.
I have no job (stay at home Dad) and have nothing to do most of the day when chores etc are done so i shop (whnen im not gaming) and not sure how to stop myself. Think the wife (well wife in 16 days) is getting a tad ****** off too as she is the sole earner.
 
with pc parts these days, it seems to be law of diminishing returns, I know that I spent far too much when I built my pc back in 2015, and at the time I went through a lot of buyers remorse, but in the end, I've also only made one change to it since then, which was an upgrade to the graphics card, but the whole thing is now going on 5 years old and its still more than able to play the game. Just draw a line under it and say 'enough', and find other things to burn money on.. (avoid musical instruments like the plague though, that's a very slippery slope)
 
Sounds like a compulsion that might be worth talking about like a gambler might do.

Also, find a new hobby that fits with your lifestyle, maybe cooking to prepare more family meals if you're the home maker?

My brother had issues with gambling, it all got worse when he found he had time on his hands looking after 2 kids, his wife is a hairdresser so he had the kids all Saturday when he'd previously have been playing football or golf.

Suddenly he was at home a lot, and though 2 boys aren't hassle free, he had enough time in the day to gamble a lot more while having a cup of tea or whatever.
 
It's very difficult for me to understand the problem you have, as I am the complete opposite. Even the cheaper upgrades see me in days of research to ensure I'm spending my money wisely. Surely it's as simple as adding the money you've identified as wasted up and then comparing that to how it could have been spent better? That would be more than enough reason for me to stop.
 
wesimmo said:
Sounds like a compulsion that might be worth talking about like a gambler might do.

Also, find a new hobby that fits with your lifestyle, maybe cooking to prepare more family meals if you're the home maker?

My brother had issues with gambling, it all got worse when he found he had time on his hands looking after 2 kids, his wife is a hairdresser so he had the kids all Saturday when he'd previously have been playing football or golf.

Suddenly he was at home a lot, and though 2 boys aren't hassle free, he had enough time in the day to gamble a lot more while having a cup of tea or whatever.
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It's def similar to gambling in a way. I have been a stay at home dad for several years, but always had a part time job as well, only fairly recently had our third so I had to give up that job as well as he has additional needs meaning im needed at home more.
When I have him I cant just sit back and relax and game etc, but have time to shop.

neckbeardthethird said:
Fair play to you for managing to turn things around so your wife works everyday so you can waste her money on pointless stuff you don't really need, makes a refreshing change to the norm.
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to be fair I do a lot around the house and with the kids as well, i dont just flush her money down the loo.
I used to work full time when we first had twwo, but was cheaper for me to actually give up work annoyingly.
 
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I have been off sick for 6 months with cancer and its driving me crazy and i have also had buying compulsiveness.
I couldn't imagine being unemployed permanently, i would be jumping off a high bridge. Has it not occurred to you to have less kids and work?
 
Zefan said:
It's very difficult for me to understand the problem you have, as I am the complete opposite. Even the cheaper upgrades see me in days of research to ensure I'm spending my money wisely. Surely it's as simple as adding the money you've identified as wasted up and then comparing that to how it could have been spent better? That would be more than enough reason for me to stop.
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I think it's partly because it's not money im earning myself for the first time that i'm spending (well since I was a kid anyway) so it feels easier to spend, which obviously isnt a good thing.
 
Monkeyboysteve said:
to be fair I do a lot around the house and with the kids as well, i dont just flush her money down the loo.
I used to work full time when we first had twwo, but was cheaper for me to actually give up work annoyingly.
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Im just kidding man, im not judging... it's just funny to see the roles reversed and the man spunking money on tech gear rather than the woman spunking money on jewlery or whatever.
 
VincentHanna said:
I'd be ****** off if I was your wife and you were spending our money on expensive PC upgrades
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She sees it both ways, I had to give up work because of our family and as such gave up any personal money I had. she didnt mind me upgrading the main stuff as we agreed I would every few years, its the little pointless bits that annoy her more, like the fans etc.
 
Try slower paced games? Civilization for example, you can walk away at any time and deal with the kids?

TBH my brother at his worst had to have limited access to money.
 
neckbeardthethird said:
Im just kidding man, im not judging... it's just funny to see the roles reversed and the man spunking money on tech gear rather than the woman spunking money on jewlery or whatever.
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It does feel weird being a kept man lol. I earned way more than her when we first got together and slowly she overtook me, and now is the sole earner. does feel like part of my independence has been ripped away though.
But a bigger part of it is lovely, especially when the kids are at school or nursery and I get time to myself.

wesimmo said:
Try slower paced games? Civilization for example, you can walk away at any time and deal with the kids?

TBH my brother at his worst had to have limited access to money.
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I genuinely might have to set a limit on my card or something. I had the same thing when I had surgery about 10 years ago, just kept spending as I was bored. was computer parts then come to think about it.

Thats a good idea, xcom and civ could be some good ones.
 
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Most hobbies involve a level of spending.

PC gaming used to be my main hobby, now it's gardening.

I'll be honest with you - I spend about 5x as much on gardening as I ever did on the PC.

Just bought a bigger water storage container for £120. Not a huge spend, but I spend £100s on plants, compost, you name it...

Hobbies are normally money sinks. I think that's quite normal.

But I do think it's important to justify the money you spend (to yourself), and like @Zefan I have issues researching everything I buy even if it's a small amount :p
 
Monkeyboysteve said:
She sees it both ways, I had to give up work because of our family and as such gave up any personal money I had. she didnt mind me upgrading the main stuff as we agreed I would every few years, its the little pointless bits that annoy her more, like the fans etc.
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Your other thread makes more sense if you not only potentially lost the value of one/two graphics cards but it was your other half’s cash as well! ;)

Didn’t you say you were about to get married? Maybe need to re-assess your priorities! :eek:
 
Monkeyboysteve said:
I think it's partly because it's not money im earning myself for the first time that i'm spending (well since I was a kid anyway) so it feels easier to spend, which obviously isnt a good thing.
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Right, but surely as a soon to be married man, with children, you view you and your partner's money as "our money", right?

It might be a bit personal, but it sounds like you generally lack goals. A two birds : one stone move would be to make some serious long term goals, and then identify what medium and short term steps need to be taken to achieve them. This will simultaneously solve your "nothing to do" problem - everything worth doing in life involves time and effort - as well as your "not my money" problem, as there are plenty of more important things, such as investing in your children's future, that the money could go towards.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but every time I spend money nowadays I justify it against the option of saving to provide both security and opportunity for my family.
 
I decided to build a car to fill my time, though if you want to stop spending money, that's a bad hobby. Accidentally spent £120 on a new fuse board today to tidy up the wiring....
 
Otoh, I waste a lot of time pratting around on here, or watching inane films of TV.

I could have used that time to work a 2nd job, or write some software that I could sell.

So who knows, maybe I've wasted millions in lost opportunity. I really tightly control what I spend, but when I think about lost earnings potential, I've probably wasted thousands.

So who knows.

I'm not sure the OP's spending is particular extravagant. A few fans don't cost much. A couple hundred in total, all in?
 
VincentHanna said:
I'd be ****** off if I was your wife and you were spending our money on expensive PC upgrades
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Little bit judgemental, OP is clearly a stay at home dad which isn't an easy job. They may have enough disposable income and an agreement in place on spending. Might just be that OP is perhaps toeing the line a bit. It's not like he had a project car and is sinking several thousands into it.

I think you need to learn to appreciate what you have rather than always seeking out new shiny stuff. I had the same obsession with car cleaning and would buy all sorts of products. In the end it's weighing up what sort of benefit that gives you over what you already have. In my case, there was no benefit, so I learned to just use what I already have.

I have a friend who is a compulsive spender, and it's gotten to the point where her other half has had to take all her cards and gives her a cash allowance. She is a decent person and earns good money, but has a serious problem holding onto it. You shouldn't be afraid to seek professional help with these things.
 
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