I am I being unreasonable here?

Desert Skies · 15 Jan 2020 at 23:44

I am just frustrated but I am also considering the possibility that I am being unreasonable. I am going to be brief with my background as possible so it doesn't end up a mile long.

In short, I have autism but I am perfectly capable of being like any other person without autism. I have gone through special education in high school and graduated with an adjusted diploma. I have only taken one or two college classes but that is about it. My mom has been literally involved in every aspect of my life (more so then others) and as soon as I turned 18 she decided to put me on a disability government check.

Anyways, as I am on a government check I am not allowed to make money of any kind and anything that i do make I have to report it and they take out whatever I make. I am not fighting against that, I completely understand why it is the way it is. However, being on a government check means I can't afford to live alone nor afford anything like dentist bills.

I have been wanting to get off the government check and get a real job but the problem is my parents don't support that idea. Thing is, maybe some people would be excited at the idea of being able to sit around all day and collect a check without work; I am not one of those people. I have tried for years for my parents to see that I don't want to be that kind of person and that I want a fulfilling career.

I get that it probably comes out of a place of fear. I am not even allowed to go to college because the local college here mixes the high school students with the college students. I was so excited at the idea of getting a degree in earth science but since that degree is only held at the physical college that is not an option.

I really don't know what to do at this point. (I am from the United States, if you have any questions about any particular laws then I understand)

whitecrook · 15 Jan 2020 at 23:51

you are 18. You can do what you want. So do it or don't.

The_Abyss · 15 Jan 2020 at 23:52

You need to speak to your parents and give them the confidence that you can be independent.

Welcome, btw.

Desert Skies · 15 Jan 2020 at 23:55

whitecrook said:
you are 18. You can do what you want. So do it or don't.

I am 30 but the thing is I have to be careful because they say they can get legal guardianship of me at anytime which means I lose all my privileges that you get at age 18.

Thing is I shouldn't have to fight about this. I just want them to support me without starting world war 3 over it; don't most parents do this? I feel like I have the odd ball case here. Where most parents are guiding their kids out of their house, they are trying their hardest to keep me in this "safety bubble"

Dis86 · 15 Jan 2020 at 23:58

Lol what? You're 30 and still live at home because getting a job and moving out might upset your parents?

Malevolence · 16 Jan 2020 at 00:02

Why does the government check on you making money? I thought capitalism was the American dream. Anyway, assassinate President Trump.

Hello NSA, is he on a list yet?

Desert Skies · 16 Jan 2020 at 00:12

Dis86 said:
Lol what? You're 30 and still live at home because getting a job and moving out might upset your parents?

It's a complicated situation, the simple solution would be to simply "move out" for most people; but that is hard to do while you are on a government check with my parents watching everything I do. I come across most of the following arguements:

1. Move in with a friend: I don't have friends I could move in with.

2. Move in with another family member: Nah, none of them would do that.

Basically there is no way I can do this without causing some hardship. I am not going to lie, I feel like a count or duke trying prepare for an independence war against the king.

rxodium · 16 Jan 2020 at 00:17

Do your parents recieve a check for caring for you alongside your own check?

Desert Skies · 16 Jan 2020 at 00:21

rxodium said:
Do your parents recieve a check for caring for you alongside your own check?

Yep, they sure do; my mom in particular.

rxodium · 16 Jan 2020 at 00:37

Desert Skies said:
Yep, they sure do; my mom in particular.

Your parents might care for your well being, but she probably doesn't want to lose that government check either. You are 30 years old. There are organisations across the United States that will help someone like yourself move into a more independent lifestyle, including getting employment. You need to contact one of these kinds of organisations in your state and get help from them.

Things like this go on all over the world were family members take advantage of sick or disabled people under their care to defraud the government. Plenty of stories of people who fail to register the deaths of people in their care so they can continue collecting the deceased pensions or carers allowance. Some even going so far as murder.

If you're worried about talking to your parents and it ending in an argument, speak to a relevant organisation first and see if they have someone that can work as an intermediary. Your parents are going to have to deal with the fact that you're going to need to support yourself, because one day they'll be dead.

RetiredGreyFox · 16 Jan 2020 at 00:47

Dis86 said:
Lol what? You're 30 and still live at home because getting a job and moving out might upset your parents?

About 10 years ago I had a keyboard player in my band and on the day of a gig he left so I had to quickly learn a few guitar/keyboard parts and get on with the gig.
He was about 40 years old but for similar reasons to the OP his Mum & Dad banned him from playing in my band

See below.

rxodium said:
Do your parents recieve a check for caring for you alongside your own check?

Desert Skies said:
Yep, they sure do; my mom in particular.

This was the reason and they were scared they would lose the money.

meths · 16 Jan 2020 at 00:50

Desert Skies said:
I am 30 but the thing is I have to be careful because they say they can get legal guardianship of me at anytime which means I lose all my privileges that you get at age 18.

Welcome to the forum. That's some first post to kick off with.

You don't come across from your posts as if you're being unreasonable and obviously no one on here knows the full extent of your disability or lack thereof but your paragraph above is concerning.

You really need to seek advice from someone who knows how these things work within your State. Maybe find an autism charity based near where you live and email them for some advice?

Anyway, good luck and I hope you get things sorted.

Desert Skies · 16 Jan 2020 at 00:58

rxodium said:
If you're worried about talking to your parents and it ending in an argument, speak to a relevant organisation first and see if they have someone that can work as an intermediary. Your parents are going to have to deal with the fact that you're going to need to support yourself, because one day they'll be dead.

I am going to get my own place one way or another. It is just too embarrassing to admit to anyone that I am 30 living with my parents. I do have a girlfriend but she is overseas right now; once she successfully moves over here then I would be finally free. My mom is not a bad person, I think she just wants to keep everyone around her as much as possible and protect everyone. She does the same thing with my brother and his family; she wants everyone to live under her protection.

Orionaut · 16 Jan 2020 at 01:24

Meths said:
Welcome to the forum. That's some first post to kick off with.

Taking it at face value, It is a perfectly reasonable first post for somebody who is Aspie/Autistic.

Have a problem, find somebody who might help, ask the question, wait for reply!

On a wider note this is a difficult situation at many levels.

A solution that protects everybody's interests is the one to aim for. Do not think of the parents as simply being selfish and controlling because that is not a fair assessment given the circumstances. Do not alternatively think that OP is somehow pathetic because he hasn't left home yet.

(YES Dis86 I am talking to YOU!

)

I do not know how government money works in the US (Guessing that this is a US situation) but state financial dependency, for all concerned can be corrosive at the best of times. If this is something that a whole family has become dependent on for decades it is actually a big issue. It is simply not reasonable for the parents to lose it overnight.

Anyways, good luck to Desert Skies and more later perhaps

Desert Skies · 16 Jan 2020 at 01:36

Orionaut said:
A solution that protects everybody's interests is the one to aim for. Do not think of the parents as simply being selfish and controlling because that is not a fair assessment given the circumstances. Do not alternatively think that OP is somehow pathetic because he hasn't left home yet.

You get it. I want to work towards something that everyone can benefit from. I don't just want to get a job and make money for selfish reasons; I want to improve our overall family financial standing and health. When you have two families and one man providing all the income (200K US dollars a year) you can start feeling like you are poor. Yes my disability income helps but it can be so much better and I am not so disabled to the point where I can't work or not run a successful business. I am just disappointed that my parents don't see that potential in me.

[FnG]magnolia · 16 Jan 2020 at 06:01

Desert Skies said:
I am going to get my own place one way or another. It is just too embarrassing to admit to anyone that I am 30 living with my parents. I do have a girlfriend but she is overseas right now; once she successfully moves over here then I would be finally free. My mom is not a bad person, I think she just wants to keep everyone around her as much as possible and protect everyone. She does the same thing with my brother and his family; she wants everyone to live under her protection.

Hey dude. What do you mean by the part I've bolded? Are you in a financial position to move in with her?

Dirk Diggler · 16 Jan 2020 at 06:25

What prompted you to choose this particular forum to post your question?

randomshenans · 16 Jan 2020 at 07:10

String said:
What prompted you to choose this particular forum to post your question?

I always find this fascinating too.

As for the post. It's one of two things; they don't want to lose the money they're getting from you/ your situation, or they just want to wrap you in cotton wool and worried about you in the big bad world. What are your plans out in the world job wise?

Desert Skies · 16 Jan 2020 at 07:35

String said:
What prompted you to choose this particular forum to post your question?

It's actually kind of funny, I found this site through some google search about some weed problems (Japanese Knotweed). I then so happened to wander a little further beyond that and I thought this whole time it was the same 5 guys talking to each other. You guys seemed cool and relaxed so I joined.

randomshenans said:
I always find this fascinating too.

As for the post. It's one of two things; they don't want to lose the money they're getting from you/ your situation, or they just want to wrap you in cotton wool and worried about you in the big bad world. What are your plans out in the world job wise?

Probably the latter, I have no doubt she knows the income but it probably isn't a driving force for her. She has been like this for years even before that whole pay check thing, this is fairly recent thing of getting paid to do this.

As far as my girlfriend goes, we always wanted to live with each other. She made it clear to me that we aren't going to live in my parents house for any real length of time. I will also probably get an upgrade in my check when we move in together.

Maundie · 16 Jan 2020 at 07:58

Where do you live?

Are there any jobs that you can comfortably do without your autism conflicting because if you can only get low paid jobs you may find it a struggle to make ends meet living on your own (until your girlfriend joins you)?

I'm not sure how bad your autism is because if as you say your mother can get legal guardianship of you and take all your decision making out of your hands you're possibly more vulnerable than you think, if you can prove you can cope on your own I'm not sure why any parent would want to prevent that (apart from the financial side of things that is)