Hmm I feel you pain. My son is 8 and aggressive both verbally and physically towards both of us but more so to his mother. I have tried both the hard "manly" approach and both the soft talking approach but nothing seems to work. It causes extreme strain on mine and my wifes relationship to the point where things dont look good.
He also had terrible problems getting and staying to sleep from when he was born - to be fair this isnt so bad know but he does wake up often at night and refuses to go back to bed which causes all kind of problems. My wife insists that he goes back to bed but it ends up in a huge fight between them both and no one sleeps. I then get blamed for not doing anything or doign too much so I kind if gave up a long time ago. The solution is in these cases just to let him sleep with us but my wifes stubborn!
Anyway we beleive our son has some development issues which cause this behaviour. We are trying to address this with the school and the GP but its a slow process but it may be worth you speaking to your SENCO lead at school. I am actaully reaching the point where I want to see if you can pay for intervention and it has a destructive effect on us.
Other than that we have found consistency of routine is key for sleep at least - it doesnt always help with behaviour mind. So we have a set routine at night which we try not to deviate from. No screen from 7 etc etc.
Regarding managing his behaviour when he is aggressive: in my head and what would have happened to me when I was a kid would have been a good thrashing and probably being locked in my room for the day - but apparently we cant do that anymore (Which I think is half the problem). So as hard as it his when he is aggressive you need to try and stay as passive as possible, protect yourself and your family for sure from the blows but try not to show aggression yourself. If you can move him to a safe space - doesnt work for us as he cant stand being on his own but it may work for you. All this is easier said than done and if you fail (and you will) and get cross or give him a clip around the head dont worry, dont beat yourself up and try again next time!
But try the SENCO a lot of what they try and do is talk about emotions with your child - at worse you have nothing to lose and it does and can open the door to further assistance.
Good luck!
