Is my staff member "flirting" or just being friendly.....

If she keeps coming back then give it a go mate. Stop tickling the rim though and just flat out ask her. You do need to keep in mind it could be awkward if she says no but the vibes are there.
 
A2Z said:
Ignore all the people in here that clearly have no experience with women who are telling you that because you work together you should drop it.
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Been in a relationship for 12 years and married for 4.

Now I'd say if you slightly cooled it off and she's already saying:

"Do you not want to talk to me anymore?!" "Have I done something wrong"
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She sounds a bit needy.
 
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A2Z said:
Well.. why have you?

Your action of distancing yourself makes no sense. You are interested in her, she appears to be interested in you, and instead of asking her out you go cold?

All that will happen is she will find someone else to give her what she wants.

Ignore all the people in here that clearly have no experience with women who are telling you that because you work together you should drop it.
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Because of the potential awkwardness.

I also don't know that she's interested. It could just be insecurity. She's quite friendly in general and I didn't want to confuse the friendliness for anything more.

The other thing it boils down to is insecurity, thinking she couldn't be interested, not wanting to be rejected etc.

I can't explain exactly what I mean.

The fact she seems bothered by me not responding as much does give me mixed signals though.
 
You WILL regret getting involved and it it could well cost you your job. Never underestimate how psycho women can get, and if she feels you've embarrassed her at work, she could well take you down.

I've seen and heard of enough stories that start like this and end in absolute disaster.
 
Worthy said:
If she keeps coming back then give it a go mate. Stop tickling the rim though and just flat out ask her. You do need to keep in mind it could be awkward if she says no but the vibes are there.
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My own insecurity stopped me asking directly, that and the potential awkwardness after, the paranoia of her telling people at work etc.

The way I pitched it (while childish in some regards) was easy to defend as not serious in anyway and just banter.


dLockers said:
Please please please avoid like the plague.
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Yeah I had an ex like that so it brought memories of that.

I'd miss one call and be bombarded with texts along the lines of "what are you doing?! If you don't want to be with me just say"

Going down bank statements and then if there was a payment for say 10 quid in a coffee shop accuse me of taking someone on a date....
 
Diddums said:
You WILL regret getting involved and it it could well cost you your job. Never underestimate how psycho women can get, and if she feels you've embarrassed her at work, she could well take you down.

I've seen and heard of enough stories that start like this and end in absolute disaster
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Sorry for the double post but I can't see an obvious way of editing a post and adding a new quote.

Yeah you're right, I'm even wondering whether me distancing myself will cause issues.

I'm still the same in person, we talk as much as we did, it's just the messaging. There's no obvious way to message less without constantly giving excuses.
 
You aren't one of those folks who feels they have to respond are you?

Just leave it, she'll get the idea. Only reply when it is convenient for you.
 
I realise I was obviously telling you to be careful, but I think more than that you just need to make sure you watch your back. You don't need to go "cold" on this person - there is a middle ground between her being your girlfriend and being a member of staff you know? Like... she could be your friend...

This relationship doesn't need to be black or white, you can answer her questions, and you can ask her ones too. Maybe just keep the responses to something a little more above board than inviting her to lick your mcflurry :rolleyes:

There's a fine line in all of this - but if you're definitely both single, enjoy one another's company and value one another's opinion this doesn't have to end up with sex...

It's quite obviously a difficult position to be in but I don't disagree with your option of pursuing other people as well. Gives you an opportunity to talk about relationships and find out where your values meet in that way as well. But again, be careful you're not recanting your nights of sexual conquest to an employee.

Texts are hard though. Unfortunately you've set a precedent with the time and amount you respond to text - no doubt likely always having the last text in a conversation, so it will be fairly obvious when you don't respond. So you've created a situation already in which an employee of yours now thinks your opinion of them might have changed from positive to a negative one that could potentially span into work. Again, you don't need to go totally cold on this person, you can still chat, it could still be the start of a relationship, just take it easy and make her wants/needs a priority and maybe just try and dial your response time back to a sustainable level :)
 
Pasty? Smash…

Might be best to avoid the while you manage her thing, although the HR guidance videos might show how it could work (and potentially have better relationship advice than ocuk) it’s one big risk.

Plus there’s been no pics to see how pointy her elbows are!!!
 
If a girl is keen and texting on here the advice is to get rid and she's coming on too strongly.
If a girl is being slow to respond on here the advice is to get rid because she's playing games.
It's so funny how bad the advice on here is
 
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Mr^B said:
Yeah, because you can ALWAYS keep it a secret, it's easy.

The mistakes I have seen people making in this area (and I've had to deal with the fallout) are many and varied. From the perennial, "he was supposed to leave his wife" through "She only got that promotion because she's shagging the boss", all the way to the holy grail of walking in on two employees having sex in a cupboard (leading to them both being fired for gross misconduct).

And the root cause is the same, they think they're too clever and they won't get found out.

There are plenty of other people to have sex with that you don't happen to work with. I don't think we're asking you not to have sex, just not in a situation or with someone that could adversely impact your career.
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Ok, and how many people don't get caught having sex with a co-worker? I'll tell you, about 98% probably.
 
98% get away with it….as in not sacked or pulled in by the boss, ok I can have that, 98% get away with it as in nobody knows….unlikely.
In the 90’s my workplace was unreal for it, everyone knew who was doing who, even when they tried to hide it someone always saw something. People fell out,some left but most just got on with it, none were managers of the other though.
Go for it but not just for a quickie, unless she is ok with that lol.
 
Roar87 said:
Ok, and how many people don't get caught having sex with a co-worker? I'll tell you, about 98% probably.
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Actually caught having sex? Probably 99.9% as most people aren't that stupid.

"Caught" having a relationship, quite a lot lower, as people ARE that stupid, and continually over estimate how good they are at keeping a relationship quiet.

Again, this is NOT about having sex with a co-worker - this is a Manager having sex with a Subordinate. The former, whilst not usually a good idea, is ultimately usually benign in terms of employment law (unless you get caught in flagrante delicto in the store cupboard). The latter, in terms of employment law, is a massive minefield - which I've had to wade through a couple of times with people. It's messy, and the best it has ever ended is with one or both parties quitting the company.

Please try and understand the difference.
 
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