OcUK Dadsnet thread

First day at school today, she's just turned 4 and wondering now if we made the right decision to send her early.

Sent her into breakfast club, probably not the best idea either, not helped by the lady who was running it being as smiley and helpful as satan resulting in tears all around.

Crap day !
 
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alchal said:
First day at school today, she's just turned 4 and wondering now if we made the right decision to send her early.

Sent her into breakfast club, probably not the best idea either, not helped by the lady who was running it being as smiley and helpful as satan resulting in tears all around.

Crap day !
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Bless her, you'd think these staff members would be more joyful and welcoming on someone's first day, I'm sure she'll do just fine!

My daughter started year 3 yesterday, when I picked her up she said "Why can't I stay a little longer" :p
 
My parents think we're too strict and tough on our kids. They gave us a little bit of a hard time on holidays when we spent a month with them. They said they should be free to stay up late (Cyprus people tend to stay up late / eat late because its cooler then), and shouldn't have to do any homework (11+ practice papers + daily diary) etc... However they (our kids) don't mind doing it because it's part of their life. They do a lot of hobbies (swimming, beavers, brownies, martial arts, french club, music lessons) but whilst we encourage them they choose to do them too. Again quite a bit of judgement from them! Ah well.

Despite my parent's protestations our kids are not fussy eaters (literally eat anything they're given and love their veggies), they say please / thank you, tidy up their plates after food, make their beds in the morning, lay the table, go to bed when we tell them to and do their homework when asked.

But, they're still kids, they do silly things, they break stuff accidentally, and can be cheeky, and push boundaries. However, they feel safe talking to us, love being around us, playing with us, but also are happy being alone/independent. We both play with them a lot, and go out with them and do things, and get them involved in stuff at home like cooking and cleaning etc... but we also do a lot of silly stuff together like build dens, leaf piles, water fights etc...

I still feel I should/could spend more time with them (work and hobbies can sometimes make it tough) but we did have an amazing month together in Cyprus with lots of amazing memories made.

Going back to a point someone made earlier all parents are different, have different behaviours and way of dealing with their kids - we will all judge other parents/people for their standards ways etc... Does 1 way unilaterally screw up a child vs another? Who knows, but as long as the kid is loved, safe then that's the main thing... Mollycoddling does personally worry me, but to each their own!

They're back at school today and surprisingly excited about it (seeing their friends, new teacher etc...)! Good luck to all of you who are new to the school thing, or heading from primary school to secondary school... it's always a little emotional/stressful time of the year!
 
We've just returned from a wedding in Cyprus, where we took our 18-month-old son with us. We received quite a few comments about not going out for meals late at night with everyone because our son really needs to stick to his routine, otherwise, his sleep becomes atrocious. It's not great even with a routine as he's still never slept right through.

Honestly, it was hilarious how many of them contradicted themselves. On the flight over, many of them said that it would be one of the most difficult things you could do to holiday abroad in that heat with a child of his age, who is in between the baby and toddler stage. Then they couldn't have been more dismissive about us not going out for meals with the group at 9 or 10 pm...

We did our best, including staying up late on the wedding day despite him getting overtired and flustered, but it was never enough for some people who could only see things from their own perspective. We even took him on the party boat, which turned out to be a bad idea, surrounded by people getting hammered, some of them in front of their own children.

Thankfully, we only booked the 7 days, but it felt more like surviving than enjoying a holiday.
 
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Ayahuasca said:
We've just returned from a wedding in Cyprus, where we took our 18-month-old son with us. We received quite a few comments about not going out for meals late at night with everyone because our son really needs to stick to his routine, otherwise, his sleep becomes atrocious.

Honestly, it was hilarious how many of them contradicted themselves. On the flight over, many of them said that it would be one of the most difficult things you could do to holiday abroad in that heat with a child of his age, who is in between the baby and toddler stage. Then they couldn't have been more dismissive about us not going out for meals with the group at 9 or 10 pm...

We did our best, including staying up late on the wedding day despite him getting overtired and flustered, but it was never enough for some people who could only see things from their own perspective. We even took him on the party boat, which turned out to be a bad idea, surrounded by people getting hammered, some of them in front of their own children.

Thankfully, we only booked the 7 days, but it felt more like surviving than enjoying a holiday.
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Nothing worse that judgemental people who contradict themselves!

That said I used to live in Cyprus and often used to be up late as a child, but many kids are knackered during the day (school often starts at 7-730am and finishes at 2pm) but hey that's the way things are, once you're used to it I guess it's ok.

Routine is really important for young children (ours can get away with a few late nights now which is handy for parties / events etc...) but regardless even for an adult routine is good!

Well done for pushing through - hope you got to enjoy a bit of the sunny isle, it's a lovely place (but I'm biased!).
 
Freefaller said:
My parents think we're too strict and tough on our kids. They gave us a little bit of a hard time on holidays when we spent a month with them. They said they should be free to stay up late (Cyprus people tend to stay up late / eat late because its cooler then), and shouldn't have to do any homework (11+ practice papers + daily diary) etc... However they (our kids) don't mind doing it because it's part of their life. They do a lot of hobbies (swimming, beavers, brownies, martial arts, french club, music lessons) but whilst we encourage them they choose to do them too. Again quite a bit of judgement from them! Ah well.

Despite my parent's protestations our kids are not fussy eaters (literally eat anything they're given and love their veggies), they say please / thank you, tidy up their plates after food, make their beds in the morning, lay the table, go to bed when we tell them to and do their homework when asked.

But, they're still kids, they do silly things, they break stuff accidentally, and can be cheeky, and push boundaries. However, they feel safe talking to us, love being around us, playing with us, but also are happy being alone/independent. We both play with them a lot, and go out with them and do things, and get them involved in stuff at home like cooking and cleaning etc... but we also do a lot of silly stuff together like build dens, leaf piles, water fights etc...

I still feel I should/could spend more time with them (work and hobbies can sometimes make it tough) but we did have an amazing month together in Cyprus with lots of amazing memories made.

Going back to a point someone made earlier all parents are different, have different behaviours and way of dealing with their kids - we will all judge other parents/people for their standards ways etc... Does 1 way unilaterally screw up a child vs another? Who knows, but as long as the kid is loved, safe then that's the main thing... Mollycoddling does personally worry me, but to each their own!

They're back at school today and surprisingly excited about it (seeing their friends, new teacher etc...)! Good luck to all of you who are new to the school thing, or heading from primary school to secondary school... it's always a little emotional/stressful time of the year!
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Hey man, from what I know of you, I have no doubt that you and your wife are doing a fantastic job with your kids. I think my father is constantly horrified at things we don't let our baby do at 8 months old. I can't stand this thing of "well it worked for us". We wouldn't let them kiss our baby until she was six months and my father was ******. My sister let them kiss her child. Frankly, my wife cares a lot more about it than I do. But I keep framing it in my head as, I'm sure most parents would do absolutely anything if it meant their children's lives would be even slightly better....try telling that to an old man, though!
 
dirtychinchilla said:
Hey man, from what I know of you, I have no doubt that you and your wife are doing a fantastic job with your kids. I think my father is constantly horrified at things we don't let our baby do at 8 months old. I can't stand this thing of "well it worked for us". We wouldn't let them kiss our baby until she was six months and my father was ******. My sister let them kiss her child. Frankly, my wife cares a lot more about it than I do. But I keep framing it in my head as, I'm sure most parents would do absolutely anything if it meant their children's lives would be even slightly better....try telling that to an old man, though!
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His dad was probably down the mines at 6 months old…
 
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dirtychinchilla said:
We wouldn't let them kiss our baby until she was six months and my father was ******.
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What is the thinking behind this? I assume germs etc but is that really an issue vs everything else they come into contact with and the rubbish they put in their mouths?

I think there is certainly a balance to be had between the old style of "if they survive the thunderdome then so be it" and the new "oh my god my baby whimpered I must run to them before a second escapes their lips" but that point is obviously personal.

Quite a few of our friends won't leave their kids in the car for any amount of time. We are talking children who are too small to get out. Little potatoes that are in a car seat and 5 point harness.

Honestly, the thing that annoys me most about grandparents is that they let kids do so many things they never let us do. Why didn't they let us do them? Because they were on the hook for the repercussions. Now they have little skin in the game.
 
fez said:
What is the thinking behind this? I assume germs etc but is that really an issue vs everything else they come into contact with and the rubbish they put in their mouths?
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I think it's more a thing of newborns before they reach the stage of sticking things in their mouths.
I assume it's more todo with kissing on lips as well, which I've never ever done with my kids anyway, just feels weird to me.
 
fez said:
What is the thinking behind this? I assume germs etc but is that really an issue vs everything else they come into contact with and the rubbish they put in their mouths?

I think there is certainly a balance to be had between the old style of "if they survive the thunderdome then so be it" and the new "oh my god my baby whimpered I must run to them before a second escapes their lips" but that point is obviously personal.
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Basically yes - obviously they will encounter all these things eventually but it helps to build their immune system slowly rather than lots at once.

So many things you can’t control and they will find other stuff to put in their mouths as you say, but it helps them a little bit to try and minimise the number of new things!
 
dirtychinchilla said:
Hey man, from what I know of you, I have no doubt that you and your wife are doing a fantastic job with your kids. I think my father is constantly horrified at things we don't let our baby do at 8 months old. I can't stand this thing of "well it worked for us". We wouldn't let them kiss our baby until she was six months and my father was ******. My sister let them kiss her child. Frankly, my wife cares a lot more about it than I do. But I keep framing it in my head as, I'm sure most parents would do absolutely anything if it meant their children's lives would be even slightly better....try telling that to an old man, though!
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I think people forget that times change and you can't compare lived experiences - but grandparents are often a bit rebellious and are the people kids go to for a different answer to what your parents say! :D

What I dislike is the dismissing of the guardrails/rules/situation you've put in because they're important to you - it can be undermining or at least feel like it.
 
Nutty667 said:
I think it's more a thing of newborns before they reach the stage of sticking things in their mouths.
I assume it's more todo with kissing on lips as well, which I've never ever done with my kids anyway, just feels weird to me.
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Yeah, I find that a bit odd as well. I don't think its as abhorrent as some might suggest but those people are usually the sort that think asking children to kill their grandparents goodbye is sexual assault or something silly.

My boys have occasionally tried to give us a kiss on the lips and not gonna lie, its pretty grim :p

I can completely understand not wanting grandparents to kiss the baby on the lips in the first X months though.

Freefaller said:
I think people forget that times change and you can't compare lived experiences - but grandparents are often a bit rebellious and are the people kids go to for a different answer to what your parents say! :D

What I dislike is the dismissing of the guardrails/rules/situation you've put in because they're important to you - it can be undermining or at least feel like it.
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I also think that some grandparents can't get over the idea that they are the rule makers and you are there kids therefore they supersede you or "know best".

Read something the other day on reddit about a parent that threw a hissy fit because their child was buying a house and said that the parents wouldn't get the master bedroom whenever they stayed over. Something about being head of the family, respect etc etc. This was reddit though so...could have been a bot/creative writing exercise/rage bait.
 
When my daughter was a baby, my aunt and uncle in law were visiting. Daughter was asleep in another room where it was quiet, I think she'd had a bad night or something and was ratty.
When leaving, the Aunt insisted on giving her a kiss before going, which ended up waking her up. Cue immediate baby screaming/crying.

I was not amused.
 
fez said:
What is the thinking behind this? I assume germs etc but is that really an issue vs everything else they come into contact with and the rubbish they put in their mouths?

I think there is certainly a balance to be had between the old style of "if they survive the thunderdome then so be it" and the new "oh my god my baby whimpered I must run to them before a second escapes their lips" but that point is obviously personal.

Quite a few of our friends won't leave their kids in the car for any amount of time. We are talking children who are too small to get out. Little potatoes that are in a car seat and 5 point harness.

Honestly, the thing that annoys me most about grandparents is that they let kids do so many things they never let us do. Why didn't they let us do them? Because they were on the hook for the repercussions. Now they have little skin in the game.
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Yes to both the above and below. But also, RSV cases have gone up rapidly in the last few years. If that hadn't happened, I don't think not kissing the baby on the lips would necessarily be the NHS advice.

I think it's very hard to square being protective with trying to ensure their immune system develops properly.

I left my daughter in the car once while I was getting petrol. When I told my wife I'd topped her car up she was like, how did you deal with the baby? She was briefly really annoyed that I left her in the car, but she's perfectly safe there imo.

I also can't understand the stuff my father lets my niece get away with - like eating cake from his plate. We weren't allowed anything sweet for years. Really confusing.

Penfold101 said:
Basically yes - obviously they will encounter all these things eventually but it helps to build their immune system slowly rather than lots at once.

So many things you can’t control and they will find other stuff to put in their mouths as you say, but it helps them a little bit to try and minimise the number of new things!
Click to expand...

Freefaller said:
I think people forget that times change and you can't compare lived experiences - but grandparents are often a bit rebellious and are the people kids go to for a different answer to what your parents say! :D

What I dislike is the dismissing of the guardrails/rules/situation you've put in because they're important to you - it can be undermining or at least feel like it.
Click to expand...

That annoys the hell out of me too. I complain to my wife that her parents actively flout any rules we might have, but it's to the point that we may as well not mention what the rules are because they'll just do whatever the thing is covertly instead. Whatever it is, we may as well know about it!
 
dirtychinchilla said:
Yes to both the above and below. But also, RSV cases have gone up rapidly in the last few years. If that hadn't happened, I don't think not kissing the baby on the lips would necessarily be the NHS advice.

I think it's very hard to square being protective with trying to ensure their immune system develops properly.
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It’s all about balance - there’s no right or wrong answer as such, but it’s an easy win for reducing the chances of issues arising.
 
dirtychinchilla said:
I left my daughter in the car once while I was getting petrol. When I told my wife I'd topped her car up she was like, how did you deal with the baby? She was briefly really annoyed that I left her in the car, but she's perfectly safe there imo.
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I blame social media for a lot of this. I have no idea how many mums aren't following loads of "mummy influencers" on social media but by and large they are as bad as any other influencers. Zero science to back up the crap they spout and generally just there to make people feel bad about their own lives/parenting.

What on earth do people think is going to happen when you leave a baby in a car for 5 minutes in a car seat? Are they going to undo the belt that is designed so they can't undo it. Jump out of their seat, open the door, run across the road and jump in front of a car?

No. Its just people being ridiculous.

dirtychinchilla said:
That annoys the hell out of me too. I complain to my wife that her parents actively flout any rules we might have, but it's to the point that we may as well not mention what the rules are because they'll just do whatever the thing is covertly instead. Whatever it is, we may as well know about it!
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On stuff we really care about we will be telling the grandparents to either do it or we won't leave the kids with them. Cutting off our nose to spite our face but if they can't respect any hard boundaries we have then they can't be trusted with our kids. Simple as that. Everyone expects grandparents to be a bit of a soft touch but when they actively make your life harder for absolutely no reason other than because they want to indulge your children then its not OK.

I never understood the fascination with giving kids sweets, chocolate and general crap from a young age. They don't want it unless you give it to them and make it available. They aren't craving it or addicted to it unless you let them. Letting them dictate how they eat is a recipe for disaster IMO and diet and habits developed throughout childhood stay with people for a lifetime.

Does my head in when I see morbidly obese parents with children who are well on their way to that life from a young age. Its child abuse plain and simply in my eyes.
 
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