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[Freefaller]

Do your kids actually eat everything, or have adjusted the meals in your household to fit what your kids like to eat

Ha!

Absolutely not we're both multinational (Asia, middle east, France, UK) and always been surrounded by a wide range of foods/cuisine and we made sure that they were exposed to it from a young age. The rule in our house is everyone gets stuck in in the kitchen and learn how to cook but understand and enjoy food.

I suppose we're outliers but then you just have to visit Europe, the Med, Asia and see how broad the pallettes of children are around the world to realise how important to introduce it to children young.

I haven't convinced them that chillies are good yet I'm the only one that likes hot sauce

 

[fez]

Because of half term the kids have a few of their friends come round. My god other kids are annoying!

I mean ours aren't perfect, but at least they eat everything, literally nothing is off the table, they also love vegetables and don't really like junk food. Their friends... "oh I don't like this, I don't eat that, etc..." and wasted a lot of food that we prepare for them

I don't understand how parents tolerate fussy eaters...

I'm sure this is a "me" problem.

Yeah, i'm dreading this. My kids quite like eating crap and if it was up to my partner they would likely live on it like she did. I make them proper meals 95% of the time though and they eat almost all of it. As they get older (currently 2.5) they will soon learn that dinner isn't a restaurant. If they genuinely don't like something I won't make it for them but outside of that, they get what they are given.

When I see parents asking their kids what they want for dinner every night or when they are walking around a shop it boggles my mind. Kids shouldn't be deciding these things.

Feels like modern parenting in a nutshell. Short term gain for long term pain. Pretending like children need to be treated like adults and given loads of choice. They need to be children. Yes they need to feel like they have some control in their own lives but they also need to know that the world doesn't revolve around them and that they are still only children.

 

[ci_newman]

As a parent whose child has a recognised eating disorder, sometimes you really have no choice. The older generations like to label kids as fussy eaters without realising the child actually has an eating disorder.

I have two sons (age 13 and 10), they were both raised the same way but my eldest will actually starve himself rather than eat fruit and vegetables. You cannot physically force feed a child, so what do you do? You make safe meals because ultimately some nutrition is better than nothing. For a child with an avoidant issue, allowing them to pick the meal is actually a solution because they are more likely to eat the food that they've chosen.

The youngest is a dustbin, he'll eat anything and everything in front of him. It is NOT a fault of the parent when a child has an eating disorder or a food avoidant problem so kindly don't label it as such.

 

[Bluebozzy]

As a parent whose child has a recognised eating disorder, sometimes you really have no choice. The older generations like to label kids as fussy eaters without realising the child actually has an eating disorder.

I have two sons (age 13 and 10), they were both raised the same way but my eldest will actually starve himself rather than eat fruit and vegetables. You cannot physically force feed a child, so what do you do? You make safe meals because ultimately some nutrition is better than nothing. For a child with an avoidant issue, allowing them to pick the meal is actually a solution because they are more likely to eat the food that they've chosen.

The youngest is a dustbin, he'll eat anything and everything in front of him. It is NOT a fault of the parent when a child has an eating disorder or a food avoidant problem so kindly don't label it as such.

But why do the "safe meals" always end up being the likes of chicken nuggets, chips and pizza though? It always seems to be that "fussy eaters" will eat a plate of fried brown, but it never seems to be non-junk food

I'm certainly not calling your family's situation into question, but do you believe that all the children who only ever devour junk food have diagnosed disorders and that none of them are a result of gullible/lazy parenting diagnosed by Dr Google?

 

[ci_newman]

But why do the "safe meals" always end up being the likes of chicken nuggets, chips and pizza though? You hear all the time that "fussy eaters" will eat a plate of fried brown, but I it never seems to be non-junk food

That's a vast overassumption on your part though.

Sure, when my son visits a friend the go-to meal choice is what you described because that's actually the easiest thing for the other parents to prepare. Our homecooked meals are much more varied - we make spaghetti bolognaise (but without added vegetables), or curries, lasagne (again without added vege), soups where everything is blended so it isn't much more than a liquid, chicken and rice etc.

And therein lies the problem. You wouldn't berate a parent for a child with anorexia yet somehow parents are still villians in society for having children with food avoidant issues. Who the **** cares what the child is eating, they aren't your child so mind your own business. Nobody except that family knows what challenges they have at home yet other parents feel it's their right to be judgemental asses.

[Edit to add context] Most food avoidant issues are related to food texture. That's why beige / processed foods are safe because they are consistent textures. My son absolutely despises mixed textures in his foods. He will eat mashed potato. He will eat spaghetti hoops. He will NOT eat mashed potato that has spaghetti hoop sauce on it because it combines the textures. That's the biggest issue with fruits and vegetables because the textures are not consistent (e.g. skin of an apple is different from the insides), if you add carrots and onions to a bolognaise the meat is no longer a consistent texture when he's eating it and it causes him to want to gag.

 

[Freefaller]

Eating disorders are of course non trivial but I guess older generations were less tolerant to their existence and as such "beat it out" of their kids by forcing them?

I'm not belittling the issue at all.

I think for me it's like this:

Abundance of choice compared to older generations where good scarcity was higher.
The rise of UPF highly palatable edible products (refuse to call it food!).
There is definitely a rise and greater scale and persistence of food avoidance.
This may ruffle feathers but also parenting style largely in the west will cater for preferences to avoid conflict and lack of time dedicated to food/cooking.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder is a relatively new thing that I believe has only recently been tagged as a psychological problem recently, that said I'm sure it probably existed for a while. But people ignored it rightly or wrongly.

Whilst texture is a big thing in food (why else go to Michelin restaurants, it goes beyond flavour!). However I think there's a learning element to texture too that kids have to go through. I mean I'm sure I read somewhere thAt food scientists did confirm that children were more sensitive to texture. Hence why it's important to expose them to a wide range of foods ASAP.

Perhaps I'm a bully or old fashioned type of parent but compared to the mainly English friends in our local area there's a stark contrast in alimentary diversity then again many of the parents aren't all that interested in food either. I guess I and my wife have the privilege of being a multinationals which is influencing our children's dietary behaviours.

I'm not judging at all this is more of a reflection. I hope you manage to overcome these issues but the most important is that you do your best which is what you're doing and you know your children better than anyone else. I hope you don't take this any other way than a discussion. Please please don't read this as me being patronising or condescending.

My kids are far from perfect btw just one thing we have nailed is their eating habits!

 

[fez]

As a parent whose child has a recognised eating disorder, sometimes you really have no choice. The older generations like to label kids as fussy eaters without realising the child actually has an eating disorder.

I don't think people think eating disorders aren't real but this is like so many things; just because some people have it, doesn't mean that the majority of people aren't just lazy and use the fact something exists as an excuse not to bother.

My partners friend doesn't have kids with an eating disorder, she is just lazy when it comes to feeding them. For a long time they seemed to live on crisps and chocolate because it was the easiest thing to give them that they would eat. Kids are fussy things. You feed them the same thing 3 times and one time they will eat enough for 2 adults and the next time they barely touch it.

Its 10x easier to stick chicken nuggets and chips in an air fryer than it is to make food from scratch. Its as simple as that for most people who feed their kids crap. Feed them that crap for long enough and don't give them a varied diet and of course thats all they will want to eat. Thats just like anyone else. If you suddenly made me live on junk food I would hate it.

I just think that its massively important to give your children a good start in life and set them up for the future when it comes to food and eating habits. The country has an obesity and health crisis and it all starts from when people are developing their relationship with food.

None of this is a judgement on you but just because your child has a diagnosed eating disorder doesn't mean that the vast majority don't.

 

[ci_newman]

Eating disorders are of course non trivial but I guess older generations were less tolerant to their existence and as such "beat it out" of their kids by forcing them?

I'm not belittling the issue at all.

I think for me it's like this:

Abundance of choice compared to older generations where good scarcity was higher.
The rise of UPF highly palatable edible products (refuse to call it food!).
There is definitely a rise and greater scale and persistence of food avoidance.
This may ruffle feathers but also parenting style largely in the west will cater for preferences to avoid conflict and lack of time dedicated to food/cooking.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder is a relatively new thing that I believe has only recently been tagged as a psychological problem recently, that said I'm sure it probably existed for a while. But people ignored it rightly or wrongly.

Whilst texture is a big thing in food (why else go to Michelin restaurants, it goes beyond flavour!). However I think there's a learning element to texture too that kids have to go through. I mean I'm sure I read somewhere thAt food scientists did confirm that children were more sensitive to texture. Hence why it's important to expose them to a wide range of foods ASAP.

Perhaps I'm a bully or old fashioned type of parent but compared to the mainly English friends in our local area there's a stark contrast in alimentary diversity then again many of the parents aren't all that interested in food either. I guess I and my wife have the privilege of being a multinationals which is influencing our children's dietary behaviours.

I'm not judging at all this is more of a reflection. I hope you manage to overcome these issues but the most important is that you do your best which is what you're doing and you know your children better than anyone else. I hope you don't take this any other way than a discussion.

My kids are far from perfect btw just one thing we have nailed is their eating habits!

Before having a kid with an avoidant issue I would have probably had the same points of view - but like I said we raised both our kids the same way and one has avoidance issues and the other doesn't - which largely removes the parenting element of it.

All of this to say really - don't judge what problems other parents face without walking in their steps

My son is doing very well in school, he's hitting his growth and puberty milestones, he's caring and understanding. I consider that a win We are under referral in the NHS for nutrionist / mental help, but we all know what the wait times are like under the NHS currently.

 

[fez]

All of this to say really - don't judge what problems other parents face without walking in their steps

The point is that so many children are fed a poor quality diet by their parents. Thats not due to anything but the parent in many cases. No you cannot know everything that goes on with parents but like anything else in life, when you know people well enough you can see their habits and behaviour and the results of those. Its not rocket science.

The parents that don't set boundaries or discipline their children shockingly almost all have little ***** for children. Those that do set boundaries and discipline them usually don't. Its not 100% but its broadly true. Thats all myself and Freefaller are trying to say. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

 

[Junglist]

Mine is generally far less fussy than I am. She of course has her staples that if all else fails we can go back to the old faithful's but she'll generally try anything at least once. Though the trick is often to make if for her and let her try it in her own time. She's pretty stubborn lol.

I've mentioned it before but I always have a really good primal feeling when she is chowing down on various types of meat. And along with that I love when she eats spicy food. We're a fairly spice-enjoying household so she was always going to get on board with it eventually. At BBQ we had in the summer we had a lot of jerk chicken on the go. She had a bite and claimed it was too spicy, fair enough. But then a few minutes later she had about 3 chicken drumsticks next to her that she had gotten though!

My aunty found it pretty funny and said she was just like me. Apparently from a young age I always loved hot pepper sauce and I'd eat some, mouth breathe saying it's hot but always come back for more

On the subject of 'not judging parents but I am absolutely judging parents'. Fat and chubby kids. I'm willing to die on this hill but that is not OK. I don't think we are the outliers with our daughter but we're always taking her for walks or active play sessions but it's absurd how many chubby kids you see out and about who are ~5-6. The parents should be ashamed. Kids that age are basically a fusion reactor and can run around for hours. I don't understand how they can get overweight so fast and so young without that being on what the parents feed them and lack of activity.

 

[Bluebozzy]

Who remembers the green ketchup to try and stop kids associating green food with gross food?

It didn't work, of course, because kids are kids.

I don't understand how they can get overweight so fast and so young without that being on what the parents feed them and lack of activity.

Nanny Youtube Even at the leisure centre my family go to, most the young kids sitting around in football gear are glued to their phones and pads while waiting for their activities to start.

The parents too, naturally.

 

[Junglist]

I begged for that sauce.

Only to use it once and never again! Wasn't there an orange one too?

 

[RobDogDog]

Three year old sleep regression SUCKS.

One twin sleeps like a log. One wakes up through the night and comes in demanding we turn lights on like some mini-gestapo toddler. I'm half expecting to wake up with her screaming 'Papers please' at me.

 

[fez]

My aunty found it pretty funny and said she was just like me. Apparently from a young age I always loved hot pepper sauce and I'd eat some, mouth breathe saying it's hot but always come back for more

Isn't that how hot food works for everyone. You think the heat is too much but you crave it. You need it! I am the same with jerk chicken. Its like crack to me. Too hot! Too hot! Ok, just a little bit more. Then I proceed to eat the whole batch over the next 3 hours before bed.

Three year old sleep regression SUCKS.

One twin sleeps like a log. One wakes up through the night and comes in demanding we turn lights on like some mini-gestapo toddler. I'm half expecting to wake up with her screaming 'Papers please' at me.

You wot! I thought it was all plain sailing from here! Mine are 2.5 and sleep like absolute beasts at night 99% of the time. They have the occasional nightmare but its usually for like 5-10s and then they are back asleep straight away. Not even sure they wake up to be honest. That is one thing I am constantly grateful for. Both of them sleep from ~19:30-7:00 or later if allowed and then they have a nap in the day still. When they aren't at nursery that nap can still be 2-3 hours!

Barely see the little buggers really

 

[RobDogDog]

Isn't that how hot food works for everyone. You think the heat is too much but you crave it. You need it! I am the same with jerk chicken. Its like crack to me. Too hot! Too hot! Ok, just a little bit more. Then I proceed to eat the whole batch over the next 3 hours before bed.



You wot! I thought it was all plain sailing from here! Mine are 2.5 and sleep like absolute beasts at night 99% of the time. They have the occasional nightmare but its usually for like 5-10s and then they are back asleep straight away. Not even sure they wake up to be honest. That is one thing I am constantly grateful for. Both of them sleep from ~19:30-7:00 or later if allowed and then they have a nap in the day still. When they aren't at nursery that nap can still be 2-3 hours!

Barely see the little buggers really

Our boy will sleep from 7:30am-6:00am. Our girl will do 7:30am to whenever her inner dictator decides she wants up, which last night was 10:00pm, but it's normally around 2:00am-4:00am.

 

[TommyV]

Our almost 3yo sleeps from around 6:30-7pm all the way through to 8am, we’ve lucked out there and she’s always slept very well.

Our youngest wakes up at the sound of a pin drop and ultimately dictates how good a nights sleep the rest of us get, she isn’t shy about letting everyone know she’s awake and annoyed. It’s amazing how vastly different these behaviours are between children.

By contrast, our eldest can be a massive PITA with eating her food, but the younger sibling eats anything you give her and is happy to do so!

 

[Freefaller]

I do not miss that side of kids, sleep regression... Although it was a short term thing and I'm up daily at 530 anyway.... But I do miss that toddler stage as it was so fun. That said now they're older we can do other fun things it's just different, but more interactive and more discussion based too.

 

[fez]

Our youngest wakes up at the sound of a pin drop and ultimately dictates how good a nights sleep the rest of us get, she isn’t shy about letting everyone know she’s awake and annoyed. It’s amazing how vastly different these behaviours are between children.

Yep, like all things with children, all you can do is try and address issues that present themselves. Even with identical twins they are massively massively different in so many ways. Makes little sense.

Its always nice though when you get those smug parents who think they are just absolute mustard at parenting because their first child is an angel that sleeps well, eats well and behaves. Seen and not heard etc. Then number 2 comes along and suddenly everything goes out of the window. Glorious.

 

[Fireskull]

Agreed, our second is so different with sleep, I was sure at this stage (4 Months) he was sleeping longer during the night but she wants to do an hour and a half max, the only saving grace is she at least settles back to sleep again after a feed, my wife and by extension I, am le tired

The boy almost 4 years old sleeps great now, getting him to sleep is the tricky part.....

 

[DezUk]

Not sure if I can post this in here but I am looking for advice regards the Child Maintenance Service (CMS)

It's fairly new to me as myself and the mother had a mutual agreement setup where I just sent a set amount each month, that has now changed since she has gone down the CMS route.

So I recently quit my job and my last day was the 2nd October, I waited until I received my P45 before I reported a change at the CMS and uploaded my P45 showing my last working day as the 2nd. The system says it will take them until the 3ed November to deal with my case but in the meantime the CMS dashboard still shows that I am due the full amount of over £400 on the 1st.

As you can imagine I don't have this cash to pay I wondering what to do about it and where I stand, can I call the CMS or can I advise that I do not have this money right now. I could pay something but not the full amount.

Looking for advice from anyone else who has found themselves in a. Similar situation.

Just to add that I start a. New contract role on the 3rd of November but I have literally only found out about this, so as of now I am unemployed until I start my.new position.

Thanks