Looking for advice...

OP doesn't seem to have said whether neighbours contribution and skill in doing the work with his plumbing expertise massively outweighed his for this task.
 
Shep_Cobain said:
He’s said:

He assumed I knew he’d expect to be paid

That because I paid him for work years ago in a totally different situation, I should have known
Click to expand...

I think this bit is key. He may have misread the whole situation and put himself out (socially or otherwise) by helping you out.

If he insisted, perhaps it's because he needed the money.

If I ended up in this situation with a friend, I'd say that I'm happy to pay but tbh I hadn't expected that. Then whatever they said in response I'd say fair enough and you'd hopefully both know to be a little more cautious with this sort of thing in the future, no biggy.

Or if he's giving off massive ******** vibes, I'd probably still pay and then distance myself from them.
 
danlightbulb said:
My question which hasn't really been covered yet is what is the extent of this friendship? Do you hang out together, go to pub together? How long have you known each other? Live close to each other? Wives friends with each other?

My answer depends on how good friends you actually are.
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter how often he hangs out with him, he's a terrible friend who's trying to sponge off him. Money is the test of a person's character and their characters are massively deficient.
 
bloodiedathame said:
Plot twist, OPs friend and his wife have money issues, probably addiction related, this is a cry for help.
Click to expand...
I think I would try and check on this. If he really is a friend, offer to help. If he's insistent that everything is okay, then as has been said, just pay and cut ties.

Here's a tough one for you OP, as we only get one side of the argument, try your hardest to put yourself in his shoes and tell us why he thinks he should be paid.

Maybe -
  • It was a whole day, not just an hour or two like other times
  • He cancelled other work to do your work with you
  • He's qualified now, so it's not just a mate helping a mate, it's a plumber doing some work
Anything else?
 
AndyCr15 said:
I think I would try and check on this. If he really is a friend, offer to help. If he's insistent that everything is okay, then as has been said, just pay and cut ties.

Here's a tough one for you OP, as we only get one side of the argument, try your hardest to put yourself in his shoes and tell us why he thinks he should be paid.

Maybe -
  • It was a whole day, not just an hour or two like other times
  • He cancelled other work to do your work with you
  • He's qualified now, so it's not just a mate helping a mate, it's a plumber doing some work
Anything else?
Click to expand...

He's an apprentice who thinks the world owes him a living, including his mates.
 
RxR said:
He's an apprentice who thinks the world owes him a living, including his mates.
Click to expand...
Yes, we know this, I think you're missing the point. The exercise is not to state facts or your own opinions about it, but to put yourself into his shoes and try and think why he might expect payment. He could be thinking this is his profession now.
 
I don’t get the logic in paying him to then disown him. If you’re going to cut all contact I’d just be telling him to **** off and blocking him. Only pay if you think the friendship can be salvaged (but they sound like a pair of idiots anyway). Who charges their good mates for helping them out as as you said, you made it clear you already had help.
 
Worthy said:
I don’t get the logic in paying him to then disown him. If you’re going to cut all contact I’d just be telling him to **** off and blocking him. Only pay if you think the friendship can be salvaged (but they sound like a pair of idiots anyway). Who charges their good mates for helping them out as as you said, you made it clear you already had help.
Click to expand...

yeah I wouldn't pay him a penny, literally blackmail, and if he does commit a crime then contact police-
 
> That the amount is “small” and I’m making a big deal out of it

I'd bounce that right back at him!

If your side of the story is accurate, I'd say £120 is a cheap way of finding out that this is not a real mate.
Pay it and block him.
Maybe ask for a VAT receipt :)
 
I'm going to go out on a limb here but this action and the previous non payment at spa and last minute show issue sounds to me like they have money issues.

Give him an IOU. IOU says x hours labour, with suitable food supplied by him.
X = the amount of hours he spent working for you.
 
I would pay him then bin him… I’ve had experiences with people like that in the past.

It’s clear that the £120 is worth more to him than your relationship otherwise it wouldn’t have escalated.

I wouldn’t bother mentioning about all those times in the past, it wouldn’t be just burning bridges… let it go, and over time things may heal.

For £120 pounds, I wouldn’t bother mentioning prefer to have the quiet and quick solution.. rather than it dragged out and make it awkward for mutual friends.

—
A friend of mine lent me a fiver while out on a night out. I don’t think I even asked for it, it was just a convenience thing to save me going to the cash point. I didn’t have any money nor was we near a cash point the next time I saw him, this was in the 2000s so bank transfers weren’t so easy as it was now. I pulled out of the next event I we was meant to be together… mainly because my grandfather passed away. He decided he needed to call my family house phone as my mobile was switched off to ask for the fiver back.

I just texted a mate asking where they lived, then drive to the guys house to give the fiver back. It was weeks till he heard what actually happen and said he was sorry. Let’s just say we have never socialised again.

On the flip side, there’s people than owe me money, some family members too.. I won’t be lending them a penny again no matter what circumstances.
 
Worthy said:
I don’t get the logic in paying him to then disown him. If you’re going to cut all contact I’d just be telling him to **** off and blocking him. Only pay if you think the friendship can be salvaged (but they sound like a pair of idiots anyway). Who charges their good mates for helping them out as as you said, you made it clear you already had help.
Click to expand...
To me, it would be a way of being done with it. If you just ignore him, it could carry on maybe? Maybe he starts harassing you?
 
Worthy said:
I don’t get the logic in paying him to then disown him. If you’re going to cut all contact I’d just be telling him to **** off and blocking him. Only pay if you think the friendship can be salvaged (but they sound like a pair of idiots anyway). Who charges their good mates for helping them out as as you said, you made it clear you already had help.
Click to expand...
I think it so the other party can't play victim and go around claiming that OP cut off the friendship because he wanted to be paid what he was "owed".

OP you are in the right. He shouldn't be demanding pay after the fact. I wouldn't get into any sort of score keeping with him.

I would say if you can afford it without trouble pay him and move on with your life, without him. You could if you so choose, potentially enquire as to what has caused him to change his tune. You may find that your friend is in deep trouble and is too embarrased to ask for help or he has now become a bit of a scum.
 
Last edited:
I'm inclined to agree with the majority here - pay to get him off your case (maybe negotiate half or whatever based on the fact you supplied food etc.) and cut all contact.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom