Looking for advice...

Pay him but:

Take out your costs for food/drink you supplied. Charge takeaway rates, not actual costs.

Presumably you provided transport, charge him taxi rates.

Then make sure you tell him, in person, that you want no more to do with him & block him on everything.
 
Shep_Cobain said:
Key points to add:

Last year they booked my wife treatment at a spa. They forgot to pay (value was £70). My wife was too embarrassed to ask them to pay whilst at the spa, so ended up paying herself. They never sent any money. Obviously an oversight, but still... a bit crappy.

Also, my wife had booked to see a show at theatre with his wife 12 months in advance. They had agreed to get a hotel for the night etc. 2 weeks before the show, his wife pulled out and left my wife with 2 tickets and no payment. So, she was out of pocket for the tickets and had to fund the hotel on her own. I reluctantly went with her.

All things we never escalated to them, as a friendship meant more. Obviously not. I have since mentioned these points after he has attacked me, but he has dismissed them.
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I mean just mention the above all the stuff you’ve done for him for free and tell him to **** off.
 
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Obvious to say, but it's a massive misunderstanding, and I wonder why he expected to be paid, especially after insisting on doing it.
Given that previously you guys helped each other out, it seems particularly strange.
Its not helped after someone said they felt used/didn't care about someone's family. Unless there is more context behind these comments? Or is he just throwing a tantrum to try to get his way?
You've known each other for years and that's worth something? I would not cave in quickly either way, and you are definitely not in the wrong for standing your ground.
 
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R-evans said:
These two sound a lot like a couple my friend knows, I'd tell them where to go and be done with it.
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A guy I worked with was always complaining about his supposed best mate. Sounded as though he saw him every week and they went out for meals as a foursome with their wives fairly often. But that always seemed to result in the mate not paying his full share of the bill, or ordering extras that no one else wanted but had to pay for when the bill was split. And then there were the deals. The guy I worked with made his mate sound like Arthur Daly, always selling him stuff that turned out to be junk or overcharging him. I think there was even a scenario like this thread where he thought his mate was doing him a favour, but then charged for his time.

I just could not understand why he still thought the bloke was really a friend and continued to put up with him. Sounded decidedly toxic. Still, it gave him something to moan about when he came into work.
 
Don't pay him and tell him you are no longer friends.

Unfortunately when it comes to money, sometimes even those you think you are close to will see the green monster. I learnt that the hard way. Had to cut all ties to my ex best friend due to not paying me back on agreed terms after borrowing him a significant amount of money.
 
Send him an invoice for the work you did for him over the years and say you'll pay him when he pays you.

He sounds desperate for cash. Drugs, payday loans who knows. I wouldn't give him a penny and block him. Tell his wife he needs to reign it in as well.
 
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Some people will be struggling financially with the cost of living, high food prices and energy bills then add the stupid ammounts some spend at xmas that isn't needed.

You both should have agreed in advance mates rates, pack of beers, pizza whatever...

Plumbers are expensive my mom got charged a fortune to replace the toilet cistern flush valve, its the sort of stuff my dad would have done for her and I'd have done it for the cost of the parts if she had let me know...

Then she had her boiler serviced it packed up not long after and they wouldn't answer the phone so she paid someone else to fix it which cost even more. She could have had a new boiler for what she paid it total but didn't tell us until after she had had it done...

I did replace her bathroom basin, then extended some pipe work adding cut off valves etc so I could re locate her washing machine. Can't say I enjoyed doing it and I'm sure a plumber would have finished a lot quicker than I did.

How much is your time worth, sounds like the friendship is over whether you pay him or not just remember to bill him the next time he asks you for a favour if you do pay up.


My dad once lent his childhood mate some money and they fell out over it, don't think they ever spoke again, money and friends don't mix.
 
Honestly your friend is not a friend, I would just say you stated you wanted to help and at no point mentioned payment and later sent me a bill.

Sorry that was a slap in the face and not how friends behave and not after all you have done for him in the past and not obviously billed him for. That's what friends do and if he doesn't get that, well time to find better friends mate.

Sorry to hear about this and yes I would have been saddened about it too, out of principle, not the money as all he had to do is ask from start do you mind paying me X for the day help, but clearly didn't.


I have some friends that behave in not a nice way, example some that only appear when they need their computers or something fixing and these same ones when I ask for a small favour always have an excuse why they can't, but expect me to jump to help them when they need it. :rolleyes:
 
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Itemise the cost of the work you've done for him, including the spa, hotel tickets etc.
Tell him to take £120 off that amount and send you the difference.

This friendship is dead, I wouldn't be sending him a penny.
 
There has been a change in dynamic here. He's now an apprentice plumber, and presumably he hasn't always been an apprentice plumber.

So it might be the case that he feels his time is chargeable now for helping you with a plumbing job. Granted, he should have made this clear from the outset. But, bearing in mind the examples you've given of the track record of him and his partner, so should you.

I wouldn't say that the friendship is beyond repair, but future contacts should involve making it clear who pays for what and not giving him a line of credit for anything.

If he remains a friend, great. If not, at least you are rid of a parasite.
 
If i help any friends or family, i do not expect payment except for any expenses i have incurred.

The clue is in the word 'help' and not hire.

I would pay his fee, and move on, if he is that petty then the friendship is over imo.

If you don't pay, he may go around bad mouthing you to any other friends you have in common.
 
3 pages laready and no one has stated the obvious..........

you know where he lives
you know where is front door is located
you know where the letterbox is

write a note that says smell this and know what you are, post it through the letterbox then curl out a fragrant one and put that through the letterbox.
 
This is obviously a source of stress and concern for OP. If you value this person's friendship then you need to try and craft a way forward tactfully; itemising all the work you've done for him prior probably won't yield a positive outcome.
But through the way they're behaving with the abundance of text messages, phone calls, etc, it sounds like you're opening yourself up for far more stress and confrontation; I'd pay the £120 (since clearly there's a misunderstanding here, maybe OP is in the wrong here?) and been done with him. Maybe they've got money issues and are trying to scrape together anything they can?

I'd also personally say that I wouldn't necessarily take a day of my friends' time for home work / car work etc for the very fact that those are quite big favours to be in someone's pocket with; maybe a lesson to take in the future OP? I know in OP's case they insisted on helping but I mean, it's really not that hard to say no lol.
 
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