Looking for advice...

Nitefly said:
From his perspective, being 'more than just about money' may just be about the principle of being paid what he thinks he has owed and now being dodged. It doesn't necessarily mean 'violent vengeance' is incoming, though I would expect a confrontation.

Needing to 'be right' is always such a downfall in relationships, friendships and with colleagues. You can be 100% right in a situation but sticking to that can lead to an imperfect or even 'bad' outcome.

Dodging the calls and then refusing to engage has evidently caused further annoyance and 'made it worse'. The whole thing has an air of being avoidable.
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Why do you think he's threatening to come round to OP's house on Christmas Eve when OP is celebrating Christmas with his family. He's not coming to sing carrols, it's clearly a not so subtle threat
 
ANDREW GREEN said:
Why do you think he's threatening to come round to OP's house on Christmas Eve when OP is celebrating Christmas with his family. He's not coming to sing carrols, it's clearly a not so subtle threat
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Yes - it’s a threat of an in person confrontation on the basis that the OP has refused to engage with him.

It’s of minor importance but if you re-read the post, which of course is a recollection, then the other party has said he’ll see him on the first day that the OP has mentioned being free from work (Wednesday). Only then the OP then mentioned about his family.
 
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Nitefly said:
Yes - it’s a threat of an in person confrontation on the basis that the OP has refused to engage with him.

It’s of minor importance but if you re-read the post, which of course is a recollection, then the other party has said he’ll see him on the first day that the OP has mentioned being free from work (Wednesday). Only then the OP then mentioned about his family.
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He really shouldn't have given him details about when he's available. What's that got to do with him, and you're giving him the power of knowledge.

I bet the other person isn't saying when he's at work, home, carrying his kids.
 
Nitefly said:
Yes - it’s a threat of an in person confrontation on the basis that the OP has refused to engage with him.

It’s of minor importance but if you re-read the post, which of course is a recollection, then the other party has said he’ll see him on the first day that the OP has mentioned being free from work (Wednesday). Only then the OP then mentioned about his family.
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It's still at a minimum harassment and therefore illegal.

The so called friend, aka narcissistic abuser, knows full well showing up on Christmas Eve will worry and upset OP. He's doing it to exert control and feel powerful.
 
Remind said friend of all you have done for him in the past, and if he still doesn't get the idea tell him to do one. I see it has escalated now
 
ANDREW GREEN said:
Better yet, lets organise a drunken overclockers get together outside this guys house together and all tell him to **** off together on Christmas Day
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Or we could all do the full monty scene where we are all in our pants in the ops house when his mate comes round.

Although I think the op would rather pay up the £120 .
 
Nitefly said:
From his perspective, being 'more than just about money' may just be about the principle of being paid what he thinks he has owed and now being dodged. It doesn't necessarily mean 'violent vengeance' is incoming, though I would expect a confrontation.

Needing to 'be right' is always such a downfall in relationships, friendships and with colleagues. You can be 100% right in a situation but sticking to that can lead to an imperfect or even 'bad' outcome.

Dodging the calls and then refusing to engage has evidently caused further annoyance and 'made it worse'. The whole thing has an air of being avoidable.
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Anyone who is serious about getting money that they are owed and thinks that they are being ignored, isn’t going to announce when they are coming over as it gives the other party a chance to magically not be at home.

Also I’m assuming OP doesn’t live at his place of work. If he really wanted to talk to him face to face he could have just wait outside his house.

This is just intimidation, he wants OP to be thinking about the potential confrontation in the hopes that it will scare him into paying.
 
Chuk_Chuk said:
This is just intimidation, he wants OP to be thinking about the potential confrontation in the hopes that it will scare him into paying.
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Yes, or possibly, he’s happy to let the OP dwell on that uncertainty.

If he has a genuine belief he’s been cheated, whether reasonable or not, the he doesn’t really have any choice other than taking it to the OP in person asap, noting OP has told him he’s not willing to discuss it any further. Unfortunately, you can’t just brick wall a determined person… especially if they are unreasonable.
 
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Nitefly said:
Yes, or possibly, he’s happy to let the OP dwell on that uncertainty.

If he has a genuine belief he’s been cheated, whether reasonable or not, the he doesn’t really have any choice other than taking it to the OP in person asap, noting OP has told him he’s not willing to discuss it any further. Unfortunately, you can’t just brick wall a determined person… especially if they are unreasonable.
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Yup exactly, this guy is probably on Mumsnet and they are all telling him " tell them you'll show up on xmas eve" etc.
 
Chuk_Chuk said:
Anyone who is serious about getting money that they are owed and thinks that they are being ignored, isn’t going to announce when they are coming over as it gives the other party a chance to magically not be at home.

Also I’m assuming OP doesn’t live at his place of work. If he really wanted to talk to him face to face he could have just wait outside his house.

This is just intimidation, he wants OP to be thinking about the potential confrontation in the hopes that it will scare him into paying.
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This sage person speaks the truth

Bunch of drama for nothing. Pay him or escalate through police or by going to his. Sort it before Christmas, it won't magically be better in a few weeks without a huge amount of mental torture - situation needs proactivity from OP (hard and conflicted as that may be)
 
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Shep_Cobain said:
A week or so later, communication went a bit quiet. Then he messaged asking if the project was finished. I replied that it was, and mentioned I’d been busy with work. He then told me I owed him £120 for that Saturday.
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It is very odd if nothing was agreed.

Just one thing though - does he work in the building trade or do whatever the work is that you guys did together for his regular job?

That's the only circumstance where I could envisage a friend assuming he was going to get paid (and that's still ignoring the fact that you've clearly helped each-other out before without that being needed).

Shep_Cobain said:
It was presented as helping out

I’ve never charged him for similar or greater help

Am I wrong for standing my ground here?
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Send him an invoice for the times you've helped him - tell him if he's allowed to make those assumptions after the fact then so are you and that he already owes you an equal or greater amount. Maybe the friendship is over anyway or maybe it will help him see some sense.
 
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