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[Freefaller]

That's lovely. At some point, my parents stopped just getting me things and instead just got me what I asked for, assuming it was within budget. I must admit, birthdays lost some of their magic at that point

I haven't celebrated my birthday in 25+ years. It doesn't mean anything to me.

I do love celebrating other people's birthdays though.

I know what I want to get for my kids it's usually a STEM based gift or something that keeps them active and outside (joys of countryside living. )

Having had 2 kids as geriatric parents (i.e. over 35.) does make more important to put the effort in to keep up with them. Hence my obsession with health and fitness.

I could easily sit down and read a book or listen to music rather than play in the garden with them. But I force myself to be active with them, get muddy with them and get them involved in the gardening or going for walks. I'm constantly tired and in pain (stupid martial arts ) but it reflects in their behaviours and attitudes and resilience.

It's hard work though I do wish we had been in the position to have children earlier but life worked out the way it did and we're all healthy and well and I feel blessed.

 

[tom_e]

Little one turned three last Thursday and has found a new talent for escaping her cot. It was about time we took the side off anyway but it was quite a surprise to hear her toddling across the landing two minutes after being put to bed. She also looked completely confused as to how she'd ended up on the landing as well

Job for after work is fitting a stair gate to her room door so at least she can't get into too much trouble.

 

[dirtychinchilla]

I could easily sit down and read a book or listen to music rather than play in the garden with them. But I force myself to be active with them, get muddy with them and get them involved in the gardening or going for walks. I'm constantly tired and in pain (stupid martial arts ) but it reflects in their behaviours and attitudes and resilience.

It's hard work though I do wish we had been in the position to have children earlier but life worked out the way it did and we're all healthy and well and I feel blessed.

I find this really difficult. I find it really hard to engage with her when I get home and I feel terrible about it. I'm hoping that changes over time as she does things that I find more engaging - she's only 15 months

 

[Freefaller]

I find this really difficult. I find it really hard to engage with her when I get home and I feel terrible about it. I'm hoping that changes over time as she does things that I find more engaging - she's only 15 months

I definitely got more engaged as time went on and as they got older. Do I wish I had done more? Always. But don't dwell on the past, you can do stuff now. Even if it's just 5-10 mins more than you do currently it'll add a huge amount of bonding.

 

[tom_e]

The pox have arrived, she doesn't seem in the least bit fussed by the spots at the minute even though some of them look pretty raw.

She was the same when she had hand foot and mouth, so fingers crossed it shouldn't be too bad.

 

[trentlad]

I haven't celebrated my birthday in 25+ years. It doesn't mean anything to me.

I do love celebrating other people's birthdays though.

I know what I want to get for my kids it's usually a STEM based gift or something that keeps them active and outside (joys of countryside living. )

Having had 2 kids as geriatric parents (i.e. over 35.) does make more important to put the effort in to keep up with them. Hence my obsession with health and fitness.

I could easily sit down and read a book or listen to music rather than play in the garden with them. But I force myself to be active with them, get muddy with them and get them involved in the gardening or going for walks. I'm constantly tired and in pain (stupid martial arts ) but it reflects in their behaviours and attitudes and resilience.

It's hard work though I do wish we had been in the position to have children earlier but life worked out the way it did and we're all healthy and well and I feel blessed.

Had been the same until a mate of mine explained how he employs an absolute opposite tactic.

He not only celebrates his Birthday, but spends an entire week celebrating. It did sound utterly preposterous to even consider such self inflating activities, buuuut I figure why not see what it’s all about.

Went to the cinema one night, negotiated a guilt free evening of gaming another, took the mountain bike to a trail that I’d always wanted to ride another evening, on my actual birthday had a lovely family meal with a cake baked by my wife, on the Friday met up with mates at the pub, took the kids and wife on a lovely hike another evening, and just picked an enjoyable event each night for a week and absolutely loved it.

Do this every year now. Wife is on board as she knows it’s hard to pull away from family duties and is happy to entertain this frill.

 

[mcwildcard]

The pox have arrived, she doesn't seem in the least bit fussed by the spots at the minute even though some of them look pretty raw.

She was the same when she had hand foot and mouth, so fingers crossed it shouldn't be too bad.

Make sure you cut finger nails asap!

 

[darreny]

We got my 10y/o a phone ready for high school in September and it still makes me smile when I get a message that’s starts with dad

So blessed

 

[Freefaller]

We got my 10y/o a phone ready for high school in September and it still makes me smile when I get a message that’s starts with dad

So blessed

10 year old and high school? My soon to be 10 year old still has 2 years left of primary school.

Ours won't be getting a phone until absolutely necessary, and even then the most basic possible one and heavily guardrailed / monitored. No judgement from me, I just don't think they're healthy things to have as children, but I completely understand why kids have them, it's a trust thing, independence, and able to keep an eye on them too. I'm just vary wary of the online world and children, and no matter how much I educate them about it, bad things can always slip through. My biggest worry is bullying really.

 

[darreny]

10 year old and high school? My soon to be 10 year old still has 2 years left of primary school.

Ours won't be getting a phone until absolutely necessary, and even then the most basic possible one and heavily guardrailed / monitored. No judgement from me, I just don't think they're healthy things to have as children, but I completely understand why kids have them, it's a trust thing, independence, and able to keep an eye on them too. I'm just vary wary of the online world and children, and no matter how much I educate them about it, bad things can always slip through. My biggest worry is bullying really.

11 in July, she has to get the bus to the high school that’s the best in the area so she gets the bus home now from school to get her used to it. We can track where she is on the 360 app which is fantastic. TBH bullying can come from anything now, even from not having a phone. My wife is a teacher so I trust her expertise on these things

 

[Freefaller]

11 in July, she has to get the bus to the high school that’s the best in the area so she gets the bus home now from school to get her used to it. We can track where she is on the 360 app which is fantastic. TBH bullying can come from anything now, even from not having a phone. My wife is a teacher so I trust her expertise on these things

Oh I totally get it. I wasn't suggesting it was bad. You know your kids better than anyone else. I'm just trying to resist it as much as possible. My wife still uses hers too much (she scrolls social media). I hate talking to people when they're looking at their phone and I don't want my kids to become phone dependent.

I'm sure you're doing all the right things I guess I'm just trying to be sweetly naive/ignorant about the reality!

 

[darreny]

Oh I totally get it. I wasn't suggesting it was bad. You know your kids better than anyone else. I'm just trying to resist it as much as possible. My wife still uses hers too much (she scrolls social media). I hate talking to people when they're looking at their phone and I don't want my kids to become phone dependent.

I'm sure you're doing all the right things I guess I'm just trying to be sweetly naive/ignorant about the reality!

I totally get that, mines going to a school where the intake for year 11 is around 220. For context there’s 5 in my child’s year 10 and only 40 odd in the whole primary school so it’s going to be a massive change for her to say the least

 

[Freefaller]

I totally get that, mines going to a school where the intake for year 11 is around 220. For context there’s 5 in my child’s year 10 and only 40 odd in the whole primary school so it’s going to be a massive change for her to say the least

And it'll be nice for her to have you a phone call away in case she needs a bit of a virtual hug.

 

[Mekrel]

I'm going to be honest, with a bunch of strangers on the internet - I'm really struggling with our little one, who is seven weeks old tomorrow and it's causing a number of arguments with my fiancé who is just too on edge about him.

He has been quite fussy from birth and we've tried lots of things to help him out, including seeing a private cranial osteopath. We're very responsive parents, for example the other day he brought up about a 5p size bit of blood within milk when being burped - I called 111, got a GP appointment at the local hospital who said he was fine, it's likely some blood having gone down the back of his throat from a couple of nose bleeds he has had.

Today has been a difficult day, my partner took him for a routine checkup with a health visitor and she came back upset. I wasn't there (working), so can't count the tone of the questioning but she felt guilt tripped about him being quite an angry and fussy baby and questioning if we've got a second opinion on the nose bleeds etc. I do tend to agree with her, the health visitor is giving different opinions compared to only three days ago when we took him to a GP (we wanted to check a sacral dimple on his back). So its like... who do you believe? She said the health centre today felt like 30 degrees inside, he developed a heat rash in there which then disappeared straight away when they came out into a cooler temperature.

In general my partner is just so on edge with him in regards to thinking the worst all the time, and on one hand it's incredible the care she has for him, but it's resulted in me feeling pretty useless because anything "bad" that happens is down to me. She's also fallen into the tap of Googling everything, which basically means you wouldn't try any medication - apparently infacol can cause reflux, Gaviscon can cause constipation...

If he brings up milk, it's because I'm too aggressive with burping him. He's definitely had reflux this past 48 hours, and I'm at fault because I lay him horizontally (despite keeping him upright for 45 mins after feeding). Apparently I didn't prepare the Gaviscon for infants properly despite reading the instructions to the letter for breast fed babies, the other day I was rebuked because I was stimulating him and stopping him from sleeping by talking to him despite the fact he's wide awake. I'm literally doing so much to help where I can, I have him during the witching hour so she gets some rest, today she didn't want to leave him to go to an osteopath appointment herself because of how fussy he was being but I was adamant she should go and I would be fine with him for two hours even if he was being really fussy.

I do understand for her it's difficult that it's gone from just her baby when carrying him for 9 months, to now being ours and I'm trying as hard as I can to be patient. I've tried talking to her about it but she's defensive about it and doesn't see my point which is infuriating because I'm so positive to her about how much of an incredible mother she is being.

It's almost as if whatever I do is wrong! Ha!

Ahh well - damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[mcwildcard]

First and foremost there is very little chance anything you're doing is making things worse in any way. Babies are hard.
People deal with that in different ways and blame is a coping mechanism for some, especially in extreme stress situations. If they feel it's someone's fault, then that can be rectified, rather than the reality of being at the mercy of a tiny creature that doesn't understand anything except it's completely underdeveloped instincts.
At that age a baby is either happy, or their world is ending. There's is no middle ground, so if the child has some physical issues causing it discomfort then you're going to get a difficult ratio of crying to contentment.
You just need to hang in there, take the jibes for the team, and it will get better in time.
Bear in mind that on top of all this your fiancee has recently been though a massive physical trauma that also turned her hormones upside down. (For the love of god never openly blame the hormones though)

TL;DR Just hunker down and survive until the storm passes.

 

[unwashed potato!]

I'm going to be honest, with a bunch of strangers on the internet - I'm really struggling with our little one, who is seven weeks old tomorrow and it's causing a number of arguments with my fiancé who is just too on edge about him.

He has been quite fussy from birth and we've tried lots of things to help him out, including seeing a private cranial osteopath. We're very responsive parents, for example the other day he brought up about a 5p size bit of blood within milk when being burped - I called 111, got a GP appointment at the local hospital who said he was fine, it's likely some blood having gone down the back of his throat from a couple of nose bleeds he has had.

Today has been a difficult day, my partner took him for a routine checkup with a health visitor and she came back upset. I wasn't there (working), so can't count the tone of the questioning but she felt guilt tripped about him being quite an angry and fussy baby and questioning if we've got a second opinion on the nose bleeds etc. I do tend to agree with her, the health visitor is giving different opinions compared to only three days ago when we took him to a GP (we wanted to check a sacral dimple on his back). So its like... who do you believe? She said the health centre today felt like 30 degrees inside, he developed a heat rash in there which then disappeared straight away when they came out into a cooler temperature.

In general my partner is just so on edge with him in regards to thinking the worst all the time, and on one hand it's incredible the care she has for him, but it's resulted in me feeling pretty useless because anything "bad" that happens is down to me. She's also fallen into the tap of Googling everything, which basically means you wouldn't try any medication - apparently infacol can cause reflux, Gaviscon can cause constipation...

If he brings up milk, it's because I'm too aggressive with burping him. He's definitely had reflux this past 48 hours, and I'm at fault because I lay him horizontally (despite keeping him upright for 45 mins after feeding). Apparently I didn't prepare the Gaviscon for infants properly despite reading the instructions to the letter for breast fed babies, the other day I was rebuked because I was stimulating him and stopping him from sleeping by talking to him despite the fact he's wide awake. I'm literally doing so much to help where I can, I have him during the witching hour so she gets some rest, today she didn't want to leave him to go to an osteopath appointment herself because of how fussy he was being but I was adamant she should go and I would be fine with him for two hours even if he was being really fussy.

I do understand for her it's difficult that it's gone from just her baby when carrying him for 9 months, to now being ours and I'm trying as hard as I can to be patient. I've tried talking to her about it but she's defensive about it and doesn't see my point which is infuriating because I'm so positive to her about how much of an incredible mother she is being.

It's almost as if whatever I do is wrong! Ha!

Ahh well - damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I feel for you. I remember this time last year how I felt having a 12 week old. I hated the experience and still find it stupidly hard. I dislike the change to my life, I dislike the change to her life. I dislike that she was doing more and everything I was doing felt wrong. I couldn't get him to sleep, feed, etc, and if I did try, it seemed that I messed up his routine and now he won't sleep until late etc.

My birthday is today. This time last year I didn't want to spend a second with either of them, and today I hate to admit it's only marginally better. I surprised her at lunch to go see her and him, but other than that, I didn't go home until 11pm today so to avoid any drama.

But I did feel more comfortable and settled into it now, even though I know I appear to be failing compared to many others

I say that because I want to say you're not the only one who has issues with a new born and won't be the last. So much has changed, it's really a shock to the system. Much much less sleep, much much less freedom. Much much more anxiety.

As others have said, try and "take one for the team". This may help you see through some of the pain if you're intentially taking it on so to help your partner cope with the stresses she faces too.

 

[GordyR]

As others have said, try and "take one for the team". This may help you see through some of the pain if you're intentially taking it on so to help your partner cope with the stresses she faces too.

Perfectly said. That's what being a dad is all about. It's kind of all you can do in these situations.

 

[tom_e]

Nod agree and ride it out for the time being. I work 3 days a week in the office 2 at home and on my office days I'm up at 0345 so I can make it home in time to get anything done with my day.

At one point when our daughter was 4/5 months old my wife told me I was doing enough in the nights and that I had to start getting up even on my office days meaning in reality I was getting a few hours sleep before it wasn't worth going back to bed. A couple of weeks later her non "just had a baby" brain must have kicked in and she's realised that it was killing me off.

No one is thinking particularly rationality when there's a new born around so you basically need to pick your battles and not rise to being told everything you're doing is wrong (it's not, babies are resilient little pains in the arse they'll be fine).

 

[Maccy]

A lot of it is completely normal sadly but you’ll get through it. Try to sit down and have a rational conversation when baby is napping where you can both say how you’re feeling.

Also infacol is pretty good, we also used Gripe Water which helped too.