The 'Bad Dad Joke' thread....

Clark Nova · 12 Nov 2016 at 02:42

RyanF said:
*See a funeral parlour whilst out and about*

"I bet that's the dead centre of town!"

Everyone's dying to get in there!

wesimmo · 12 Nov 2016 at 09:34

I got asked to tell a joke in an interview last week.

"What's brown and sticky?"

"A stick."

Got the job.......

kindai · 9 Dec 2016 at 23:24

A friend is trying to sell his budgie that died last week.

It's not going cheep.

theone8181 · 10 Dec 2016 at 06:15

kindai said:
A friend is trying to sell his budgie that died last week.

It's not going cheep.

Genuinely laughed out loud

Sliver · 10 Dec 2016 at 08:51

What is green and sits crying in the corner?
The increadible Sulk.

Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?
Andy has diabetes now.

FishPolice · 16 Dec 2016 at 16:48

Q. Whats the difference between a bucket of sand & a bucket of pigs afterbirth?

A. You can't gargle sand.

datalol-jack · 16 Dec 2016 at 17:00

Why is Ed dancing so strictly?
His balls get in the way!

Plane Crash Investigator 1: Sir, we can't explain why he got up and went straight down, crashing the plane. It was his first day on the job. He had not mental health issues.
Plane Crash Investigator 2: Wasn't he a bungee jumper?
PCI 1: Yes.
PCI 2: He thought he'd bounce back.

What's the difference between a redback and a stable marriage?
A healthy erection!

Mysterae_ · 16 Dec 2016 at 17:03

I was browsing my local supermarket and in one of the isles I saw a young man throwing eggs, milk and cheese all over the place.

I thought, how dare he.

datalol-jack · 16 Dec 2016 at 17:16

Darling, if you're going to ride my hump all day, at least pull my hair back and make me scream!

Daddy, daddy, can you put the dog out, please?

Already have, Sunny Jim! :cool:

Liar! He's resting by the gun cabinet! :eek:

Ah, I did forget to take him out!

Droolinggimp · 16 Dec 2016 at 20:33

2 Nuns in a shower

nun 1 "where's the soap?"

nun 2 "yes it does doesn't it!"

Rainmaker · 16 Dec 2016 at 22:03

What's the most common owl in Great Britain?

The Tea Towel.

\0/

datalol-jack · 16 Dec 2016 at 22:07

Rainmaker said:
What's the most common owl in Great Britain?

The Tea Towel.

\0/

I'm ****-a-hoot with your aviary verbiage, sir!

MooMoo444 · 28 Dec 2016 at 10:26

Bought some Venison in the after Christmas markets, picked up 8 legs.

Wife made me take it back though, she said it was two deer.

dante6491 · 28 Dec 2016 at 12:13

Bartender says "We don't serve time travellers here!"

A man walks into a bar.

kindai · 28 Dec 2016 at 12:40

Used my discount card to de-ice my car this morning.

It only got 20% off.

Phage · 28 Dec 2016 at 13:57

Two humpback whales walk into a pub.
The first splashes over to the Bar and says "OOoooooeeeeeewwwooooooppp"
The second says "Shut up Frank, you're drunk"

PermaChanged · 28 Dec 2016 at 14:06

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo

Behemoth · 28 Dec 2016 at 14:23

Dead budgey for sale, it isn't going cheep.

datalol-jack · 28 Dec 2016 at 14:27

Several people post in a 'Bad Dad Joke' thread... some happen to be dads.

ICDP · 28 Dec 2016 at 14:50

Two men sitting in a pub.

The first man says "your round".

The second man says, "so are you, ya fat *******"

The 'Bad Dad Joke' thread....

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