The 'Bad Dad Joke' thread....

I put £50 on a horse last week and it came in at twenty five to one. Unfortunately the rest of the race finished at half twelve
 
I bought my shoes from a drug dealer, I've got no idea what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

I went to the zoo the other day and all the cages were empty except one which had a dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

I had an idea to make a belt out of all my old wrist watches by tying them together, but it turned out to be a waist of time.

I didn't like my beard at first, but it really grew on me.
 
Today, I changed a light bulb, and then I crossed the road, and then I walked into a bar, and I realized that my entire life is a joke.... :rolleyes: :p
 
Why don't fairies sit on Toadstools?
There's not mushroom.

Why don't fairies smoke?
It's bad for their elf.

How many elephants can you fit into a Matterbooboo?
What's a Matterbooboo?
Nothing Yogi

Why do Monkeys paint their testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest noise in the Jungle?
A giraffe eating cherries.
 
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My Dad said the same thing to us *every* December 31st when we were kids.

"Make the most of this dinner kids, there's no more food until next year".

Groan....
 
My dad is known for these sad line jokes

"Went see Titanic again last night... Was waiting ages because it was women and children first"
"Bought a new bird proof lawn to keep them off... Its impeccable"
"Saw a bloke who had two rabbits tattooed on his head... But from a distance it looks like two hares"

He has said so many of them I wish I could ask for my time back. My step mum just switches off.
 
A 'bad dad' joke, rather than a bad 'dad joke':


A little girl catches her Daddy getting out of shower.
"Oh Daddy, whats that between your legs?"
"Thats Daddy's ***is" comes the reply.
"Oh" says the little girl "when will I get one of those?"







"As soon as your mother goes to the bingo!"
 
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