Advice for a new dad (arguing after newborn)...

[Syla5]

To be fair, he's asking advice about managing his relationship with his wife and being a new parent, not advice on cosleeping. My daughter's mother willfully ignored all the advice about cosleeping and chose to continue despite my best efforts to convince her otherwise. For every child that dies of SIDS as a result of cosleeping, you'll find 10 that were "just fine". You're not going to change human behaviour, if a mother believes that that's the best way of doing it then you won't change their mind.

Putting the risks aside, I've said it a couple of times already, he is facilitating distance between himself and his partner. So the bed sharing in the spare room will be having an impact on the relationship, and isn't a good thing.

 

[stockhausen]

Short story short - baby born mid-January - parents struggling with lack of sleep and resultant irritability.

Welcome to parenthood - it is going to test your relationship - a LOT!

 

[dazza13]

I don't have much to add to this thread but I would have to say you need to get your son out of your bed at night purely for the fact that if you don't you'll regret it in the long run, I let my wife do that with our second and he was 4 before we managed to get him out of our bed. And even now I would say he is a much worse sleeper than his sister who we persevered with and got her used to the moses basket/cot.

 

[dl8860]

why don't we get a "we spunked inside our wife" present after having sex?

I know this might be a hard concept to grasp, but it might be something along the lines of because that's not quite the same effort and sacrifice as pushing a baby out your ****.

 

[-westy-]

Putting the risks aside, I've said it a couple of times already, he is facilitating distance between himself and his partner. So the bed sharing in the spare room will be having an impact on the relationship, and isn't a good thing.

I agree. I had a similar experience with my ex - she was bed sharing and I was either on the couch or in the bed - all the time being told to "give them space". It breeds a parenting relationship of "Mum does the hard parenting work, dad is there to babysit". This has already been shown by OP's wife saying "If I need your help I'll ask for it".

OP, you need to make it clear that you are BOTH parents. You are equals. You need to be clear that you want to help and are able to - there's nothing wrong with expressing some milk for night feeds. She will feel 100% better if she manages a good night's rest - I'd imagine that this would ease a lot of tension.

 

[ttaskmaster]

NVM

 

[Domo]

Putting the risks aside, I've said it a couple of times already, he is facilitating distance between himself and his partner. So the bed sharing in the spare room will be having an impact on the relationship, and isn't a good thing.

Just on the spare room thing. I’ve been with my partner for 19 years and we often sleep in separate rooms just to get a good night’s sleep - our relationship is great and has not suffered because of it. Sleeping in the same bed isn’t the be all and end all it’s cracked up to be. I love my space and so does she. So it’s win win. We have friends who are the same. Snoring is a common reason for this amongst some of them

 

[Syla5]

Just on the spare room thing. I’ve been with my partner for 19 years and we often sleep in separate rooms just to get a good night’s sleep - our relationship is great and has not suffered because of it. Sleeping in the same bed isn’t the be all and end all it’s cracked up to be. I love my space and so does she. So it’s win win. We have friends who are the same. Snoring is a common reason for this amongst some of them

Yes but in this case it may make things even worse. The OP’s partner may resent the OP more given the fact he gets to sleep in their bed undisturbed while she is now alone dealing with the baby at night so as not to disturb him. Bare in mind tensions already appear high and arguments could easily be about this sort of topic.

Also it isn’t just about the sleeping separately, that’s a secondary concern to the bed sharing.

 

[McGraw]

Yes but in this case it may make things even worse. The OP’s partner may resent the OP more given the fact he gets to sleep in their bed undisturbed while she is now alone dealing with the baby at night so as not to disturb him. Bare in mind tensions already appear high and arguments could easily be about this sort of topic.

Also it isn’t just about the sleeping separately, that’s a secondary concern to the bed sharing.

Doesn’t the joy of motherhood override all this stuff though?

Dealing with a baby alone is not language that paints a rosy picture.

 

[ahar]

You're wrong, she's right .Even when you're right, you're wrong.

She's mega tired, hormones in chaos, probably still aching in not nice places, likely to have sore nipples from breastfeeding and may use you as a bit of a punching bag for a bit.

You're tired, annoyed she's so grumpy (probably when she hasn't been before) and not getting any attention from her.

Perfectly normal in my experience. It does get better, lots of patience and understanding required in the first 6 months.

Have a quick read up on post natal depression and keep an eye out for her as well though. Some women have a terrible time as their hormone levels don't stabilise.

 

[RedvGreen]

Have a quick read up on post natal depression and keep an eye out for her as well though. Some women have a terrible time as their hormone levels don't stabilise.

A few people I know had their partners suffer with PND and 'baby blues'. How, pray-tell, does one even approach PND with a partner? It is like Stress and Depression. The person suffering it, is usually the last one to see it, and is the only one who can do anything about it (and those that try to do something are villified).

 

[ahar]

@redygreen

This charity has lots of resources and a help line to speak to: APNI.org

https://apni.org/the-baby-blues/

Not saying in any way the OP's partner has it, just something to keep an eye out for