**The Mental Health Thread**

Its good you have direction and are taking control. Mediation is not required so if you are set on a divorce now then there is no need to go through it. I didn't even attempt mediation until 6 months after final order and clear break to sort the kids but it went nowhere. You can file online, tick the box for "no fault" and just get on with it. Solicitors should help through the process.

As for her comments around being unaware, its a way for her to avoid blame. She will say there were hints or comments but no actual accountability or communication. Men need clarity and clear comms, women in the most, don't provide that and work on innuendo and feelings from my experience. Never blame yourself for not seeing it coming. You are not a mind reader and she will have been stewing on it for ages in advance when she could have talked to you. Everyone is the victim in their own story and her friends and family will reinforce how brave she is to take this step.

As for financials, she will get to see balances as part of the divorce, you need to list all assets and debts on the forms and if she contests you may have to do a full disclosure. Be open and honest. Clear your debts if you have cash as it puts you on a clean slate and then when its divided its an easier path. Be prepared to split everything at least down the middle and if you earn more it will likely not be a 50/50 split. For the kids, if she agrees as part of the process on you having custody then it requires no mediation or court order. The solicitors will draw up the agreement and she will sign it and you solicitor will advise how enforceable it is. Follow their advice and honestly now is the time to just let them handle it. Define what you want and put it across via them.

Vent away and if you want any stories of the process and how it pans out drop me a PM. It will only be as difficult as either of you make it so be prepared for anything depending on when she realises what she is losing.
 
Random overshare.

I've suffered Anxiety all my life that I can remember, sometimes quite crippling, thats made things difficult and often quite miserable. Its also had the unpleasant side effect of any time I spoke to a GP about anything they almost instantly blamed it on anxiety without any further discussion which has caused its own problems and often compounded the issue.

I recently paid privatley for some assesments and have now been diagnosed with ASD and their opinion was that the anxiety was a symptom of it rather than the anxiety being the cause of other things. Its all rather new to me and I'm still proccessing it to be honest but I now have another avenue to explore to manage my issues. Not entirely sure how I feel about the diagnosis tbh but a few months of rumination and I'm sure I will put it to the back of my mind and carry on.
 
Lumeycom said:
Random overshare.

I've suffered Anxiety all my life that I can remember, sometimes quite crippling, thats made things difficult and often quite miserable. Its also had the unpleasant side effect of any time I spoke to a GP about anything they almost instantly blamed it on anxiety without any further discussion which has caused its own problems and often compounded the issue.

I recently paid privatley for some assesments and have now been diagnosed with ASD and their opinion was that the anxiety was a symptom of it rather than the anxiety being the cause of other things. Its all rather new to me and I'm still proccessing it to be honest but I now have another avenue to explore to manage my issues. Not entirely sure how I feel about the diagnosis tbh but a few months of rumination and I'm sure I will put it to the back of my mind and carry on.
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I hope things improve for you! Maybe read some of the ASD Reddits to talk to other people in a similar situation?
 
Cromulent said:
I hope things improve for you! Maybe read some of the ASD Reddits to talk to other people in a similar situation?
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Thanks. I have started to read into things a little but right now my daily available ****'s to give quota is quite low and I'm somewhat in a little rut, coming out of it so will get on it. Its quite odd that now I have an answer (ish) I find myself not terribly motivated to do anything with it. Putting it down to not quite having accepted it right now so a bit of time should solve that.

I'm also trying to work out who I should tell and why I should tell them. Of course my wife knows as she was involved in the whole process and I've also just mentioned it to the boss and a handful of very good friends, beyond that I'm not sure.
 
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ASD, ADD and anxiety are very common together it seems. The masking and coping strategies needed to get through the day are exhausting, I don't think someone without it ever truly gets how much hard work it can be.

Glad you got some sort of answer and I hope it leads you to help if you need it.
 
Survey sent to 5,000 out of 40,000 English GPs, 752 responded, 442 said they were concerned, 183 said they thought it was "overdiagnosed a lot" with the majority (259) saying "a little"

The bigger issue, that should be getting the headline but isn't is that the majority of respondants (508) agreed that there is a lack of good quality support for adults and 640 out of the 752 said they were worried about getting help for young people.

Sounds like 183 grumpy/empathy lacking GPs in England somehow set the bar for whether people are being overdiagnosed or not.

IMO it's nonsense
 
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Hoping for a positive end to 2025 after an awful couple of years mentally. Moving on with my life and many positive changes. Finally put myself out there and speaking to someone who I share a lot of commonality with. Early days but its nice to feel wanted and be able to talk to someone. Now more like myself than ever and hoping 2026 will be a good one.
 
So I'm hoping that Christmas this year won't be too terrible.

Her and I have negotiated that the kids will be with me Christmas Eve into Christmas morning, we will all go to hers Christmas morning to do present opening and have Christmas dinner (her dad should be there too), they will stay there overnight and then come back to mine boxing day evening - all quite amicable and friendly.

The only thing that might throw a fly in the ointment is we have our second mediation session this week where I'll be telling her that once I've bought her out of the house and dropped £100k+ into her bank account, I won't be paying her £2k a month anymore.
 
Struggled yesterday and today, and would be lying if I said I didn't have some really bad thoughts :(

Still here to fight another day though. **** Seasonal Affective Disorder and **** this time of year - roll on Spring
 
Armageus said:
Struggled yesterday and today, and would be lying if I said I didn't have some really bad thoughts :(

Still here to fight another day though. **** Seasonal Affective Disorder and **** this time of year - roll on Spring
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Know that one... But be an optimist, no matter if it gets totally crappy, it has to get better. It won't always be like this. Hang in there
 
Armageus said:
Struggled yesterday and today, and would be lying if I said I didn't have some really bad thoughts :(

Still here to fight another day though. **** Seasonal Affective Disorder and **** this time of year - roll on Spring
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Have you tried the SAD lamps? I use to hear about them all of the time but not so much any more. Sticking plaster rather than a fix though but anything is worth a try if you're feeling that bad.
 
This year can absolutely do one. I've made a couple of posts to this thread regarding a nefarious individual at work who stalked and harassed me for the last couple of years. I thought that finally getting to a point of putting in the police statement and her subsequent arrest and sacking from work would be the start of finding normality to life again but it just isn't happening. I can't shake the feeling of shame, of not being believed and being judged from all angles. She is bailed that she can't approach myself/family/be in the vacinity of home, but I've got a terrible feeling that she's going to get away with it and be absolutely empowered to terrorise me thereafter. I know logically that can't/shouldn't happen, the evidence is all there including multiple occasions of her turning up at my children's primary school at collection time because it was a time she knew where I was, but still..

Annual leave from work starts Friday, hoping for some downtime to spend with the kids, get some gaming and some running in and hopefully it will help me to kick on.
 
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All kinds of **** kicked off at home yesterday and set me back mentally months.

Ended up making a phone call to one of the lads from Andy's Man Club who promptly dropped everything to come round and see me.
If he hadn't I hate to think what would have happened :(

Feeling a little calmer today, but just dealing with the fallout as best I can.
 
That’s horrible to hear mate. I never made it to AMC but glad you had someone to reach out to. If you get stuck I am about 9 miles down the road so feel free to reach out to swap numbers.

Glad you got to talk it through.
 
Armageus said:
All kinds of **** kicked off at home yesterday and set me back mentally months.

Ended up making a phone call to one of the lads from Andy's Man Club who promptly dropped everything to come round and see me.
If he hadn't I hate to think what would have happened :(

Feeling a little calmer today, but just dealing with the fallout as best I can.
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Sorry to hear that. But also glad to hear you had someone.
Tell him thanks and also that AMC just got a £20 donation from me for that :)

Hope you're ok.
 
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Armageus said:
All kinds of **** kicked off at home yesterday and set me back mentally months.

Ended up making a phone call to one of the lads from Andy's Man Club who promptly dropped everything to come round and see me.
If he hadn't I hate to think what would have happened :(

Feeling a little calmer today, but just dealing with the fallout as best I can.
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Sorry to hear that mate - I’m sure that if you ever DM’ed any of the regulars on here we’d all be around to chat! I hope it goes as best as it can.
 
I've always found it was useless people feeding you "help" on the internet, despite crying out for answers, but something that a friend said that his counsellor got him to do was to stay busy. Interestingly being busy has been very helpful. But doing that is incredibly difficult.

I did AMC and Talkclub quite a bit, went to various places, but ultimately it was only helpful to me as listening to others felt like I was doing something for them, which felt good. But ultimately my issues were too unique (not unique to the internet as there are others) to feel that I could vocalise, share, and feel positive about talking about them, so I stopped going sadly as I just felt isolated. Anyway, I too am happy to be at the end of a phone should you need it Armageus.
 
Rilot said:
As I can no longer obtain power of attorney (due to mum not being deemed mentally fit), I'm looking at becoming a court-appointed deputy. This is something you can get if the person is unable to make decisions for themselves. https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy

Has anything done this?
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Not of becoming a deputy, but plenty of experience of sectioning, sudden onset psychosis and being the "third person" in a situation like this. Feel free to ask away, here or by DM !
 
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