Saturday Morning Joke

Ace Modder

Ace Modder

Ace Modder

Soldato
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8 Sep 2003
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Was 150 yds from OCUK - now 0.5 mile; they moved
Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
'Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...


Ees






Ees




















Eees a Ham Bush.
 
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Neither have I... oh wait yes I have like twenty times.


And it wasn't even funny the first time.
 
A man is working on the busses in the US collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman not quite on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed.


At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as its Texas he's sent to the electric chair.


On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
"Well", says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?""Yes", answers the executioner."Can I have that green banana?"The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it.



When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.


"Can I go then?", the man asks."I suppose so", says the executioner, "that's never happened before".


The man leaves and eventually gets a job with another bus company selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed.


The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair.The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.


The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner."Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch.Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas.


When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe it, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair yet again.The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to the chair, determined to get his man this time.

The man sits down in the chair smiling."What's your final wish?", asks the executioner."Well", says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch?"The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair.

When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up", says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it", he asked.












































"Nahh" said the bloke, "I'm just a really bad conductor"
 
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