1 Big problem in relationship

One point.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenuptial_agreement

"United Kingdom

Prenuptial agreements have historically not been considered legally valid in the United Kingdom. This is still generally the case, although a 2010 Supreme court test case between the German heiress Katrin Radmacher and Nicolas Granatino, indicated that such agreements can "in the right case" have decisive weight in a divorce settlement.

The Law Commission is due to consider whether a change should be made to the letter of the law, recognizing prenupts in a more general way; they will report on the matter in 2012."

I don't know what the outcome of this was, but it may be worth checking out if a prenup is the silver bullet many believe it to be.
 
Somebody's suggestion above was the best one, if you want it to work and the only concern is getting shafted in a divorce then sell the house and buy/rent on equal split.
 
prenuptials are not recognized in English law as any kind of binding agreement, and are often ignored during any financial separation/divorce.
 
cheesyboy said:
It's your issue, dude, not hers. Get your **** together or accept that your unwillingness to commit is going to be the reason it fails.
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in the same vein you could argue that it is her issue as she has an overwhelming need to be married despite knowing that her partner did not want this? besides what does marriage gain for her anyway? Maybe she should grow up and forget about her 5 year old fantasy.
 
p1RATE said:
in the same vein you could argue that it is her issue as she has an overwhelming need to be married despite knowing that her partner did not want this? besides what does marriage gain for her anyway? Maybe she should grow up and forget about her 5 year old fantasy.
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No it's not, because his problem is that he doesn't want to marry because he's so convinced that the relationship won't work out. He's not willing to put the possibility that the relationship will be a success over his fear that it will not - hence she, rightfully, takes it that she "is not good enough".

If it were a case that marriage was simply not something he wanted to do on an ideological basis, then your argument could be valid. But that's not it at all.
 
TBH I'd say stay apart. You clearly don't love/trust her and are more bothered about your money than being happy together.

You're using the fact that you paid more into the house to gain power in the relationship.
 
You told her you don't want marriage, bought a house together with your money, which she is now legally entitled to half of, irrespective of your input and hers....good move, oh no, wait

FYI you want a deed of trust, not a prenup
 
as time goes on, she will be entitled to more of the money in the house whether your married or not. the law is changing all the time to protect the unmarried couples as this is now common place

By the way, I have been through a divorce, took over 2 years several thousand pounds and ended up with nothing. I would still get married, get over it
 
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I'd suggest getting some individual counselling. Girlfriend is training to be one and they are particularly useful, it sounds like you need to sort out yourself from the previous divorce.
 
Resident said:
TBH I'd say stay apart. You clearly don't love/trust her and are more bothered about your money than being happy together.

You're using the fact that you paid more into the house to gain power in the relationship.
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Saved me writing the exact same thing.

If you loved her and trusted her and wanted to spend the rest of your life with her you would get married, 70k or not. You cannot play the "what if" game with anyone you are looking to marry.

I put more money (lump sum) than my GF into our house but there is no way I would have wanted a pre-nup. If you need a pre-nup you don't trust the other person, I could never marry someone I didn't trust. I am not surprised your GF was not impressed!

You cannot blame this woman for the wrongs in the past, you are living in fear and that is not living.
 
Even if trusted her fully I would not chance losing 70K for a second time, no way, not until the law is changed and is it made more fair, if she loves you she should understand, she is in a relationship with someone she loves, you have a lot more to lose than her just for the sake of her having her 'big day'.
 
This thread makes me sad. I think it comes down to the fact that relationships are built on trust. You for historical reasons find it hard to trust her when it comes to finances and that is causing stress in your relationship.

Fix the root problem, the trust, or call it a day.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
This thread makes me sad. I think it comes down to the fact that relationships are built on trust. You for historical reasons find it hard to trust her when it comes to finances and that is causing stress in your relationship.

Fix the root problem, the trust, or call it a day.
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A few people of have bought up trust, but trust in what exactly?, you can trust her to your hearts content but there's no point being naive, relationships don't always work and that's not always down to lack of trust, I don't think there is anything wrong is wanting to make sure your safe financially.

As recommended earlier in the thread, sell up, bank/invest the cash, and start a mortgage together from the the ground up.
 
elmarko said:
One point.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenuptial_agreement

"United Kingdom

Prenuptial agreements have historically not been considered legally valid in the United Kingdom. This is still generally the case, although a 2010 Supreme court test case between the German heiress Katrin Radmacher and Nicolas Granatino, indicated that such agreements can "in the right case" have decisive weight in a divorce settlement.

The Law Commission is due to consider whether a change should be made to the letter of the law, recognizing prenupts in a more general way; they will report on the matter in 2012."

I don't know what the outcome of this was, but it may be worth checking out if a prenup is the silver bullet many believe it to be.
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The problem is that historically pre nup means nothing in the Uk, so if the judge decides in this instance not to enforce it then he will have to fight it in court, which will cost him his £70k easy. It is almost cheaper to suck it up and give her £35k.
 
alexthecheese said:
I'd suggest getting some individual counselling. Girlfriend is training to be one and they are particularly useful, it sounds like you need to sort out yourself from the previous divorce.
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I agree with this, The problem is YOURS, not her's, If you want to be with her then you will have to make sacrifices as everyone does in relationships, I believe the selfishness of people these days is why many marriages break up.

Do you believe you will be with her for the rest of your lives? if the answer is Yes then do it, Just because it didn't work out before does not mean it won't now, If you can prove you put the 70k in then IF you ever get divorced and IF she then decides she is due half your assets, you would have a good argument against a 50/50 split on the property, although the longer she lives with you, married or not, the more a court will give her for putting into the house.

Are you cutting your nose of despite your face?
 
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